The Bitch is Staying
So much for thinking my SD21 and her son were going to move out by the end of November. She told my wife that she didn't have the money due to all the traffic and other tickets she has piled up. (Driving with a suspended license, driving with no insurance, $1000 for possession of marijuana) She has agreed to start paying rent, but dammit I thought I was actually going to start looking forward to coming home for a change. It's like she's a cockroach that just won't go away..... 
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Is it possible to talk to
Is it possible to talk to your wife about NOT being a co-dependent enabler? :?
Here is a link to a good article on such a matter as this. Hope it helps.
http://www.newyorklife.com/nyl/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=d0bd47bb939d2210a2b...
Has she been given a new
Has she been given a new "deadline" to get her shit together and get out? Yeah, that's probably a dumb question, knowing how your DW caters to her. Sorry FStepdad I don't see this loser going anywhere anytime soon.
OMG !! I am so sorry.... This
OMG !! I am so sorry.... This is awful.....you are caught in such a viscious entitled circle with her !!!
Is it time to just PAY for her to GO AWAY !! I know it probably goes against ALL you believe in concerning your sd, BUT it may save your sanity and your marriage ? Could you even spin it so your DW sees it as a very generous grand gesture ?? Get her out and make her SIGN something so she won't come back !!
If she still won't go .... I don't know what to say..... Do you feel like you've been played again ??
If you go down the line of tuff love and chuck her out ( can she not get emergency support, welfare, etc? ) will that mean you are heading towards divorce ??
Yes I honestly do feel like
Yes I honestly do feel like I'm being played. I feel like whatever deadline we give for moving out, she will wait until the deadline comes and then sweet talk DW into giving her more time with some sad sob story. DW says she's not finished with her discussion with SD21 over her plans. I told her she better sit down with SD21 and come up with a budget for saving her money for a place. DW says she doesn't want to make SD21 feel like she's getting kicked out, but the end of November was what we ALL agreed to. SD21 assured us she would have her own place before then.
What's wrong with getting
What's wrong with getting kicked out? Mama birds shove their peeps out of the nest so they'll learn to FLY AWAY!!!
Just from you past blogs...I
Just from you past blogs...I figured there is no way in hell that she is moving any time soon. Your wife won't let her get off the tit long enough. Some how you have to get your wife on the same page, or this adult will be with you forever.
And FYI - I assume your wife will pick her DD over you. Sorry.
She definitely has a "lifer"
She definitely has a "lifer" mentality. She even told DW that when she does get her own place, she wants to make sure she still lives close to us. :sick:
You'd have to move away from
You'd have to move away from THEM is the ONLY way to be rid of SD and her son (budding entitlement class). Sorry but this never gets any better.
All of you are pretty much
All of you are pretty much right. I do NOT want her rent money. Her $250 a month wouldn't even cover the utilities. I want her GONE. I am tired of having to help take care of a kid that is not mine. I love my grandson, don't get me wrong but I honestly feel like I'm more of a dad to him than a grandparent. She's been with us for 15 months now and there's no excuse for her not getting her own place. We've never let any of the other SKIDS live with us for this long and I hate the feeling of dread I get whenever I come home from work and see her car sitting there. I don't think I've been able to watch an adult program on our TV for about 6 months now because the TV is always on cartoons. What really sucks is that my wife gave me her word that SD21 would have her own place by our deadline. So you guys are right, I just have to decide how much longer I'm willing to put up with this circus.
You could collect rent and
You could collect rent and save it for her. Then after 6 months, tada! Here you go SD! Here's $1500 to put down a deposit and first months rent on your very own apartment! Of course, that's assuming she wouldn't use the money to buy more weed or a Coach purse.
You are right on the magical
You are right on the magical "C" word. She keeps pulling that time and time again. "I do wanna go back to school...blah blah blah". Also another stalling tactic in my opinion.
I'm with iwlass. They are
I'm with iwlass. They are taking advantage of you and nothing's going to change without drastic measure. I bitched and moaned to my ex-DH until I was blue in the face and he was tone deaf. I moved out until things changed. I absolutely LOVED my time away (and, trufthfully, wish I had not moved back in). And, if you exit stage left and if it doesn't change you'll have your answer. Truly a sucky situation. I'm sorry you are going through this.
This sounds like the
This sounds like the neighbours across the street. Commonlaw husband is about my age (early fifties). He's with a BM with a daughter from hell who has already made one kid. You can often hear "Jennifer" scream profanities at her mom and stepdad. Basically "Grandma" is raising Jennifer's kid for her.
"Jennifer" moves in and out of that house like a revolving door. Stepdad seems long suffering but you can tell that he is in StepHell and has been for a very long time. Apparently he had BM and her then 4 year old "Jennifer" move in with him about 16 years ago. Of course Jennifer has had a "fatherless" baby and she still abuses her BM and stepdad to wild abandon. Stepdad has provided her with a high end car (he's a mechanic by trade and has a taste for Jags, etc.)
I sometimes get mail for them put in my box. It's usually from Social Services aka Welfare as "Jennifer" has her own case and the county is paying the BM and stepdad "rent" when she does stay there.
UGH!!
frustratedstepdad - in case
frustratedstepdad - in case you need another horror story, check this one out.
My neighbor & BFF got preggo when we were 15. Her mother (grandma) raised the baby. The "baby" gets preggo when she's 14! Great grandma raises that baby until she's 13 (mercifully that mother got her life together and actually moved them out and, well, back in a couple of times but who's counting). BFF had another child when she was 19 and took that baby with her; until, you guessed it, he was 14 and a juvie delinquent so he moved in with grandma. Juvie is now 22 and just got out of jail and is living with...drumroll...grandma. "Grandma" is now 68, has been raising kids all her life, had a nervous breakdown, weighs a sickly 85lbs and has developed agoraphobia (fear of leaving her house) but is also afraid to be in her house because she lives with a felon! Grandpa is a potted plant (almost literally) and has been functionally catatonic since 1989. Of course, they are broke having raised all those babies, paid for lawyers, fines, bail, etc.
BFF hates her parents and takes every opportunity to create drama...she takes ungrateful to an entirely new level.
My SM still lives next door to this crazy house and is best friends with "grandma." SM reports that grandma can barely carry on a conversation and has "gone off the deep end." I've watched this reoccuring train wreck for the past 27 years. BFF and I ended our friendship when we were 18 and I realized she's a wacko.
Dude - you are on the crazy train...THIS is what your future could hold.
I'm not surprised SD wasn't
I'm not surprised SD wasn't ready to move. I didn't think she would be. be. I also agree w/Mustang . . she'll always have an excuse . . tickets, the sky if falling, she wants to start college, etc. Since she doesn't want to go, you'll have to start making things a little more difficult.
My DH was just like your DW ... didn't want to make SD (27) feel like we were "kicking her out" and didn't want to give her a move out date because he didnt' want to "hurt her feelings." Never mind the fact that she was lazy, mean-spirited and down right evil to me. So, since he didn't do anything . . I did.
I made him charge her real rent and get in her behind about being accountable around the house. When she did stupid things . . like leaving the oven on and going to work . . I made him call her and ream her. When she'd leave dirty dishes on the stove for 3 days, I got on him and he got on her. I'm sure she got sick of hearing him . . and she knew I was encouraging it. I also started making her aware of the fact that I didn't want her here by dropping comments and excluding her when DH and I would go pick up take out. It hurt her feelings. Next thing I knew, she told DH she was looking for a place. Which was wonderful because I couldn't live with her another year and was making my own plans to leave.
Bottom line, nobody wants to stay where they're not wanted. Get DW on the same page and start making things difficult for SD. Set a new date and make sure she knows that there will be no excuses next time. Start being as annoying as possible and excluding her from things so she'll get the message. Sometimes you have to force them to grow up.