I've recently sought ideas here about finding the right balance between disengaging and being involved with SD9. A few weeks ago, I overheard SD talking to DH about school work when DH suddenly yelled out, "Too bad...if you are lying about your schoolwork, then it's your fault when your teacher punishes you." I have no idea what that was all about...and I took the advice from many on here and didn't even ask DH what happened. Like many other things lately, I'm just letting it go.

Still, this is uncomfortable to me because SD is with us full time and I am the only other parent she knows (other than 3 short BM visits in 3 yrs) It feels wrong to have a kid in my house full time and not even know what is going on with school/homework problems. But, I remain disengaged for the most part. I did learn my lesson of once bitten twice shy.

So, last night, after we were all in bed, I went to the kitchen to get water. When I walked by SD's room, she was in there talking pretty loud (not yelling, but talking louder than normal) and she sounded pissed. It sounded scary to me. I paused and tried to hear what was going on when DH walked by and asked if I heard someone talking. I said "I think so." He opened SD's door and I decided to walk away and let him handle it (yet again). I heard DH say, "What are you doing?" and that's all I know. DH didn't say a word to me about it and I didn't ask.

When there's a problem like this, will it really be wrong for me to ask DH what is going on? What is the benefit of me staying out of everything (and I do) and being left to wonder if SD has some serious psychological issues? Many other factors play into my belief (DH is suggesting it too now) that SD does have psychological issues.