Quick recap:
- 4 yrs ago, married DH who had a 4 yr old.
- Discovered brain tumor. Emergency craniotomy.
- My "gift" coming out of ICU was fullfuckingtime custody of SD5.
- BM walks away, never to look back.
- 3 yrs later BM decides to visit from 2,000 miles away for one weekend. Visit was uneventful.
- During first 3 yrs with full custody, SD tells me she wants to call me mom since I'm "the one who takes care of her."
- BM convicted of 3 felony frauds.
- 3 yrs of normal SD type issues.
- BM COd to back-pay CS. Now $4,600 in arrears.
- This summer, BM resurfaces and takes SD9 to her ghetto pad 2,000 miles away for 8 weeks.
- SD9 returns a complete psycho mess. Grades falling. Compulsive lying. Treats us (the ones who raised her half her life) like complete strangers. Insults/disrespects DH, screams, hits walls, kicks, master manipulator, won't lift a finger to help anyone else.

Issue:
Although I married into this PAIN and suffering, I've tried and tried to make it a pleasant environment. I'm the one who keeps track of school activities, field trips, SD needing extra items, Halloween costume, all the things that make up a childhood. DH is far to busy & exhausted to deal with these things. And STILL, SD makes no attempt to speak to me, ask me questions, include me. When we're all in the car, she makes it known to me that she will only speak to her dad. Problem is, he ignores or doesn't hear her most of the time! So I'm sitting there, knowing the answers to her questions, yet I don't feel very inclined to answer her because she is purposely letting me know she does not want me there. When I do answer her, she gets annoyed and ignores me.

So today, I went out and got her all prepared for a school Halloween party. We sit down to eat (after I worked hard on dinner) and she refuses to acknowlege my presence and will only speak to her dad. I realized tonight I can do the work of BOTH her mom and her dad, but I will still be nothing more than an option in her life and will be viewed as nothing more than an inanimate object in the house! As proven this summer, she can walk away with BM and never look back. She didn't even call DH once over the entire summer, yet, when she came back, she writes obsessively to BM!

It's just sad to be the one doing the things that BM SHOULD be doing, then getting shit on by the person who has no one else but me. I feel sad, guilty, and sorry for her every day of my life. But no one gives a rat's ass how I might be feeling!