Arguing my Husband bec of PRINCESS SD18
Thankful that i found this group. Im trying to understand SD why so untidy, lazy and disrespectful?
i told DH to tell his PRINCESS try to contribute inside our house and clean the CAVE room where I see insects that maybe nesting the nasty room. So DH said it will take time, PRINCESS is still adjusting. So Im trying to understand for 6mos now. Still the SD is so hard to do it. Even they fought together about that stuff but still nothing happen. The princess room is exclusive only for her. No one can come in even she is around or not. And yet my BK sleeping in living room. I feel so guilty watching that way that my Bk cant join to the princess room coz she is the princess of DH!!!
So I decided to stepin and make my rules. So DH was surprised and yelled at me because he said its too much for her PRINCESS that I have to let that room share to all. That SD will clean her room everyday and if she cant follow that rules inside my house, then she is free to go to her BM. Is that hard? Or more harder?
i dont know, im lost right now. I want to scream but I feel helpless
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A few questions to start with :)
So you have how many kids sleeping in the living room? Where did they sleep before SD came to stay? Why did she move in with you? How big is her room? Are there any plans to look for a bigger place? If SD is with you full-time, is her mother paying child support? If not, why not? Are you renting? Do you work full-time? How long have you been married?
@Winterglow SD is here every
@Winterglow SD is here every other week. BK are always in the house.
To short the long story, my husband got this small rental house because we have no plan to stay here longer. We're from another country and DH is from this country. We just arrived here this summer obviously the SD got the room first. We only have 2rooms.
i have 3BK (2girls 6&9yo and 2yo boy) they have bunkbeds in the living room. SD is 18 soon. And for sure the room has space to put BK. She just need to remove her crappy stuffs. And I am the homemaker while DH is working FT.
would it be rude if I decided to make BK join to SD room? I feel pity for my BK sleeping not in a room.
@Yesterdays BK asked me once
@Yesterdays BK asked me once why only her has a room and they cant join to that room? By the way, SD has to share the room to stepsister back with her BM house. That's why I ask myself, why not in my house?
Another possibility would be
Another possibility would be that you leave your SD where she is, give up your bedroom to your kids, and you and your DH can sleep in the living room. Getting a taste of how unpleasant and incovenient it is might light a fire under him to find a bigger place to live or, at very least, motivate him to put all the kids in the same room.
You say this is temporary..
You say this is temporary.. like how temporary? and if it was going to be very short lived.. why leave your home country and uproot your kids vs being patient until his work contract was up (or whatever has him in this country). Because the result is you moved your kids to a home where there was no room for them..
And.. no.. I don't think your three kids should not have a room.. but I also don't think it's all that reasonable to force his late teen daughter to share with your three under 10. THAT isn't compatible either..
I actually like the idea of giving your room to your three kids.. you and your DH move into the living room. It's the adults that created this situation.. so you should be the one dealing with the most inconvenience. If you want to think about moving into his daughter's room when she isn't there.. that's possible too.
You could also either move back to your country with your kids for this short time.. or secure your own short term housing locally that will accomodate you and all your kids.
@esmod are you saying that
@esmod are you saying that its imposible SD to share the room to BK while SD shares room to stepsister (7yo) back to BM? Coz thats what i dont understand. Coz SD is not allowed to put her crap there too. SD stepfather is also done with her
she shares with ONE
she shares with ONE biological sister she has grown up with
You have THREE children that are unrelated to her and very young.. like 2 years old.. I think that's "impossible" for them to have to share her room when she is there.
You could move your kids in and out.. but that doesn't seem settling or fair to YOUR kids either.
I stand by my opinion that you and your husband put your children in an unsuitable home. You should be feeling the most discomfort.. so you should be sleeping in the living room. all the kids should be having a bedroom.. your kids can share with each other..
I mean.. do you want to create friction and a reason for her to resent your presence and your children? Because imposing your kids on her room.. that is going to do it.. it's different than what happens at her mom's.
So.. Either you go back to your home country if this is temporary.
You find a larger home if it is not that temporary.
or
You move to the living room and let the children have rooms (you can use SD's room when she is not there).
Bottom line.. 6 people in a two bedroom house is not right.. but if that's what you have to deal with... the adults should sacrifice.. not the kids.. any of them. I might feel differently if she was only there 2 nights a month.. but it's much more often than that. (and then.. it would make sense for her to share a room with you two.. you could sleep on the sofa two nights a month.
Not just being untidy and
Not just being untidy and lazy. So disrespectful, SD will only in good mood when they are not fighting w bf or else BK is disrespecting DH verbally like answering DH with a tone.
Not unreasonable at all. Perfectly logical. Stick to your guns.
That daddy is upset by the establishment and enforcement of reasonable standards of behavior and performance, is a clear indicator that the problem is his failures as a man, husband, and father.
Trundle beds.
If there are only two rooms and one kid, regardless which partner spawned them, is on a visitation schedule, then when they are in house they get the pull out. Full time resident kids get precedence of rooms/beds. Visitors... are accompdated as best they can be.
The 2nd of two total bedrooms is the kids' room & guest room.
Our first home after we married was a 3Br. SS had his room, the 3rd BR was the gust room and study. There was a trundle bed in that room set up as a day bed. When my parents visited, every night the trundle was pulled out and raised and mom and dad slept side by side as they always have.
When we lived in a 2Br apartment for a couple of years when SS was in middle and high school his room was his and it was the guest room. When we had guests (my parents, my ILs, etc...) they got his room and he got an Aero-Bed in our walk in closet. We had a great time. His mom, SS and I would stay up late nearly every night talking and joking. It does not have to be a drama filled shit storm.
None of this is rocket science. Keep it Stupid Simple. KISS. Then the only people who will take issue, are the truly stupid and you can't fix them.
Don't even try.