Help with SS9 won’t look or talk to me

Advice needed!!!!

when does the feeling of being a third wheel EVER get better?! We have SS 50% of the time and we can go weeks oR months having a great time and he treats me at least like a human being. But now all of the sudden, he won't look or acknowledge me when he is here. My DB says he does not have to like me and he will not force him to act or do anything he does not want.

it's tough because I would understand if I was mean or rude or anything!!! But I do everything they ask. I buy him whatever he wants take him wherever he wants. And then he'll go through phases of acting like I am a stranger.

please help!!!! Any advice?Can you disengage from someone who doesn't even care if you exist?

for reference, we have all lived together for two years now and I am in no way a stranger.

Help! Disengage? Step kids disengage Disney dad

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But now all of the sudden, he

But now all of the sudden, he won't look or acknowledge me when he is here. My DB says he does not have to like me and he will not force him to act or do anything he does not want.

No, he does not have to like you but your BF should teach his son to respect others, especially other adults in his life, so shame on your BF for letting his son act like a disrespectful little ass.

Can you disengage from someone who doesn't even care if you exist?

Believe me, if you disengage and stop buying him what he wants and taking him where he wants, he will care.

By the way, your BF letting his son disrespect you, means that your BF does not respect you, either.

So true! I know I need to

So true! I know I need to stop because I just feel shitty about myself after I do things for him and he is mean to me.

how do I stop from letting it hurt my feelings so much? I know he is a kid but sometimes I'm left feeling like a piece of crap.

Well, you have to detach,

Well, you have to detach, emotionally, which is not always easy but can be done. It's part of disengagement. Just know that your SS's attitude towards you is more than likely not personal.

But, again, your BF is responsible for not letting his kid be so disrespectful as to ignore somebody that he lives with and who is a part of his life.

Your SS is 9, your BF is an adult (and a parent), so who do you think bears the most responsibility in this?

100%, I have a lot of excuses

100%, I have a lot of excuses lol but I do have a hard time communicating with him. He gets mad and defensive when I talk about SS and says I am an adult and he is a child. I will have to grow a back bone and commit to disengaging for my own mental health at this point.

He gets mad and defensive

He gets mad and defensive when I talk about SS and says I am an adult and he is a child.

Well, I agree that your BF is the child (haha).

The thing about that little saying (you are the adult, he is the child) is that it just does not hold water. What does it really mean? Yes, you ARE the adult, which means you are entitled to some respect from the kid (unless and until you prove that you don't deserve it).

Parents who get mad and defensive when their kids are being ill behaved and disrespectful know that their kids are brats and that they are to blame.

My SD (now 30) was raised to respect adults. My DH has never once said to me, "You are the adult, she is the child." Because, yes, she was the child so, she respected us adults, did as she was told, and did not run the household. She did not get to treat me any 'ol way she wanted just because she was the "child". Bullshit.

So, a lot in depth question,

So, a more in depth question, if he still sleeps in our bed, how do I disengage at bedtime? Should I go into the living room and sleep?

I'd move myself to SS's bed.

I'd move myself to SS's bed. No way am I sleeping with a nine year old.

WOW!!!! At 9, he is sleeping

WOW!!!! At 9, he is sleeping in the marital bed?? You really have a Disney Dad on your hands.

Would he allow his spawn to treat a teacher like that? A Grandparent? Why do you deserve less respect?

Stop sleeping with a 9 year old to whom you are not related.

Stop sleeping with a 9 year old to whom you are not related. You are opening yourself up to all kinds of problems. If SS makes a remark that is interpreted wrong, or if BM gets vindictive, you could find yourself being investigated by Child Protective Services. Tell your SO that from now on if he wants to sleep with his 9 year old son he can do it in his son's bed and not yours.

As to your original question, it is clear your SO does not respect you, so why should his son? If your SO did respect you, he would make his son acknowledge you.

You are sleeping in the bed

You are sleeping in the bed with an unrelated 9 year old boy??? No, no no. You must stop that. Especially when he suddenly changed his behavior toward you - that could mean BM is in his ear and who knows what is next. However, if your boyfriend doesn't make his son sleep elsewhere, and you have to move out of your bedroom and your BF's bed to accommodate this disrespectful kid, you might as well move out altogether and not have to spend your life playing third wheel.

Ask him if he's OK with his

Ask him if he's OK with his son sleeping with his mother's latest bf too...

Wow, even my ss was 19 and chose to lay on our bed

In hubbys childhood home (a new room created after we married as our marital room) furnished with our furniture and aircon we bought and installed. My ss was 19 and wanted to enter the room while i was getting changed and wanted to look whilst my husband was in there. My husband lost it with his kid

any previous trips ss or sd's do not enter or sleep in our room. Only our little kids sleep in our room on holidays because they are the product of us having sex together.

my husband is firm on this rule that i will not be made to sleep in same room as skids as they are not related to me and i am entitled to my privacy.

parents who raise little ferals and make excuses to defend their patheticness is inexcusable!! My ss would actively admit to his dad he knew he was being disrespectful with the emotional abuse and shunning but it wasn't on purpose but knew he was doing it and when his dad called bullshit on it, he claimed imaginary stress syndrome.

i disengaged years ago and when ss would come home from college hubby would ask me to bake and cook ss favourite meals whilst he was at work was met with a hard "NO!! I don't cook or waste my time on rude disrespectful people and certainly not for ss. He wants fancy meals?? He can ask bio mum!! Oh thats right, she can't cook for shit!!"

You should refuse to have a 9

You should refuse to have a 9 yr old sleeping in your bed - do not go and sleep elsewhere. If your partner wants to go and sleep with the boy in HIS bed, he can, but no way should you give up your bed. And for heaven sake, disengage. Do not do any more nice things for this rude little tyke. Let his father deal with him.

Sounds like

You have won the trifecta like a lot of us here:

1. Weak spined guilty disney daddy so called "parent"

2. PASing BM

3. BOTH bio parents giving Damien 100% authority and 0% accountability

Unless you want to be the doormat in this "relationship"

1. No bedroom activities until BF "treats YOU like an adult"

2. Do NOT get pregnant as it will only make things much worse

3. Disengage http://www.steptogether.org/disengaging-male.html

4. Research co sleeping on this forum (number ONE sign of a permissive parent in western culture)

Your BEST bet is to form an exit plan and find a partner who is child free.

There is absolutely NO way in hell that I would sleep with a 9 year old boy.

What is wrong with your BF? Surely, this is not the best that you can do?