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Going after full custody of SS13. Should I be involved in mediation, legal meetings, etc?

floridagirlal's picture

Submitted by floridagirlal on Tue, 08/16/2011 - 9:05am

My DH has decided to seek full custody of SS13 since his mother is such a piece of work...unstable, dates abusive men, no job, etc. My question is, how much should I be involved in the legal process of all of this? Should I expect to attend mediation with DH? Or should I just sit back quietly?

On one hand, this is my life that will be affected by him coming to live with us full time. I will have one more to feed, clean up after, transport around town, etc. Also, I fully expect BM to try to dig up all the dirt she can find on me. For that reason, I feel that it's ALL of my business and I should be involved.

On the other hand, it puts BM against me too (instead of just against DH) and our fake friendly relationship will be reduced to nothing and will cause stress for SS13. He may also feel like I'm the one that's out to hurt his mom.

Thoughts???

Comments

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Tue, 08/16/2011 - 9:25am

You have to stay out of it. We are in litigation as well suing for SS13 and now as of yesterday we have added SD15 to the paperwork. Our lawyer does not want Steps involved. The court last time we did this did not even allow us in the room. I didn't go because our lawyer said not to. But, BM's DH did and they made him stay in the hall.

I understand about your life changing, my fear as well. But, it is for the greater good for SS. Stay out of the mess. It is for the court and the Bios. Not us. I also believe as Steps we don't need to communicate with BM. Just causes problems. I did once in 6 years and she flipped out. I only did it because she involved my BS16 in one of her lies. So I had to step in. But, it did not go well. I don't regret writing her, I regret that she didn't get what I was trying to say.

Do yourself and your DH a favor and leave this to him and the lawyers.

Ex4life's picture

Submitted by Ex4life on Tue, 08/16/2011 - 9:44am

You being involved could seriously backfire on you SO. You will be painted as an overstepping stepmom. The other side will use whatever they can to help their client and that is a common one. Talk between yourselves and make sure you let SO know how you really feel about all parts of the parenting plan and so on. Support him and the kids but stay away. Good luck.