New to this SM thing
My fiancé and I have been together for almost 2 years, he has full custody of his son who is 10 and daughter who is 8. I have a son who is 8. When we first started dating my fiancé's son was very jealous of my son, because my sons dad and grandmother would buy him things and take him places. It got to the point that my fiancé's son would do sneaky things to my son or put him down. I told my fiancé that he needed to talk to his son about his behavior, he did, but it continued. I finally got fed up and talked to my SS myself. After the talk he twisted my words and told his dad that I said things I didn't say. The SD is ok, she's sweet, but she never picks up after herself, only wants to lay around and watch Disney movies. She continuously climbs up on the counter with her bare feet to get things out of the cabinet. I have provided a chair for her to use and told her that wasn't very clean to place her barefeet on the counter. When I tell her that she did something wrong, she runs to my fiancé and starts crying and he looks at me like I'm the bad person. Back to my SS, he does mischievous things just to get me frustrated and then acts like he doesn't know that he did. It has gotten to the point that I don't even want to be in the same room as him, I dread when we have to go places together. I know this is wrong of me but just looking at him, makes me angry. I've told his father that something has to give. Everyday I hope that my SS wakes up and asks to go live with his mother, but I don't see that happening, I see me leaving before him. I've gotten to the point that I cry almost everyday because I'm so frustrated with him and the situation.
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Put anything your
Put anything your stepdaughter is allowed to use at a reachable height.
Your FH is the problem here,
Your FH is the problem here, treating his kids like the adults who can do anything without consequence while you get treated like a child, being punished with harsh looks and I'm sure the occasional argument over this crap.
Don't marry him. Tell him one time that he is the problem, and if he isn't going to trust your word when it comes to his kids AND enforce basic rules with them, that you're out. Don't blame his kids; put it all on him and his poor parenting.
Then look for a place to move. It's not fair to your son to watch you cry everyday in this situation. Likely, he's building up resentment against your FH and his kids because of how they make you feel and how they treat you (and no, you don't do a good enough job hiding how you feel from your son; as a SM to two boys, I can tell you that they are keenly aware of their mother's feelings). It's not fair for you, either, but you have a choice in this. Your DS does not.
You're at a crossroads and it's time to make a decision. Either your FH is on Team Blended Family, which means you BOTH are heads of household and BOTH have authority, or he is on Team His Kids, which means you'll spend the rest of your life crying daily because of the crappy behavior your FH allows his kids to get away with.
Make this guy an ex-fiance.
Make this guy an ex-fiance. He's the problem, and your frustration with his parenting will only grow over time. Soon it will not be your SS you hope will disappear, it will be your SD and your fiance along with him.
Please don't put your son through this long-term.