Well DH was not amused at YSD asking to do laundry over here Christmas Eve. He doesn't want her here long, nor do I. He told me to let her know this house isn't a laundromat and since she changed plans on us AGAIN, she could wash her clothes at her grandmother's house 3 hours away from here. I made sure to let YSD she has pretty much caused a huge stink in our holiday plans and I hope it's worth it as she'll be getting a cold reception here Christmas Eve. I told her to quit asking for favors and stay the hell away from calling or texting us until she is to show at 4 p.m. on Christmas Eve. I let her know I am sick of hearing her Dad going around the house screaming "F--k it!" because of her crap every time she wants a favor or change dates/times. It's not fair to me and I told her since it's my house, it's my call when she is allowed here.

I don't care if DH doesn't like it. He was piss poor when I married him and I have given him a great life. I am not going to change who I am as a person and keep bowing down to brats. He knows in my therapy it will now be 2 months between this YSD's visits and if he wants to see her in between, he can visit her on his own or he can pay to take her and her family out to eat and it will be my choice to go along or not. The effect this crap has had on my marriage is making me wish we'd never married. I told DH recently if I'd known when we married that my life would be like this not even 3 years down the road, I would have never taken vows with him. He knows now too if things don't change I'm not scared to ask him to leave. If I don't come first, what's the point of staying married? I get punished because of his kids. I'm sorry but I'm 41 years old and you will not pretend you're my Dad and discipline me when you're my husband. You either meet me halfway in this sorry ass situation or you leave the house I owned prior to us getting married.

Today we're supposed to go to my deceased husband's grave to put flowers on it. Now there was a good marriage. No stepkids, one child we shared together, we agreed on where to spend holidays, etc. Such a far cry from the life I have now! I almost wish some days my current husband were buried there instead of my 1st husband. Yeah, I said it. It has been a horrible last couple months for me. Here my current DH has had the week off from work and neither of us have been able to RELAX. All I hear is he can't change/control his kids. I don't ask him to change them. I ask him to CALL THEM OUT when they treat us like s--t. They will never stop walking all over him til he puts his foot down. So he's divorced. Big whoop! 50%+ of marriages end in divorce. There comes a point when you are 54 years old you let your kids fall to their own devices and quit trying to play superhero. You let them live in poverty. You let them dress in dirty clothes because they'd rather smoke cigarettes than save quarters for a couple loads of laundry at the laundromat. You tell them you can't pay for the grandchildren to have clothes when the spouses blow money on irrelevant possessions. It's simple to me but then again, I'm just the bitch, ha ha.

I am going to try and keep my mouth SHUT today so I can make it to the grave and not "lose it" til I'm there putting the flowers down. My 9 year old and I have been through so much and we need time at the burial site to just unwind, wish my deceased hubby a Merry Christmas and say we miss him, etc. without more drama. My dad died 3 weeks before Christmas 5 years ago and this is always a sad time of year for me. At least my mom is in my corner. I told DH I'm really tempted to just take off to see my own family back home if his kids keep this crap up. I'm not supposed to drive long distances because of health reasons (sleepiness behind the wheel) but I'd rather risk that then getting s--t on again by his kids. Next week some of my PTA friends are having a party so that might do me a world of good. DH and I bicker so much I almost wish he hadn't taken the week off work. He and I are not awake same hours anyway. His day starts when he wakes around 1 p.m. and I'm up by 10 a.m. when school is not in session for my son. Sigh.

At least I have wine. I got my fave stuff at the store yesterday and I will hug that bottle for dear life Christmas Eve. It's a really pleasant feeling when I mix the wine with all the anti-depressants I take. I will be pretty much oblivious to the people in my home that night after a couple glasses and some decent finger foods I am making and picked up beforehand.