http://www.examiner.com/x-12660-DC-Relationship-Psychology-Examiner~y200...

There is a certain type of woman that loves a good project in her men. It's usually the strong type, the woman who loves to pamper and please, trying with all her might to win over her subject. In her eyes, his baggage is translated into excitement and mystery, and her engines are revved by his boy toy games and hot & cold antics. The Project Man is a challenge, and some women just love the thrill.

These men are usually coined as the bad boys, but they are called bad for a reason. Dating a Project Man will only end in heartache, and a big case of "I can't believe I dated such a scumbag."

So what exactly constitutes as a Project Man?

A player. A man that had his heart broken and now can never commit again. A man that is 'trying to find himself'. A serial cheater, usually due to his low self-esteem. Pretty much anyone that calls himself a 'hustler'. A man that expects you to do all the relationship work (ever find yourself doing all the calling, date planning and I-love-you-ing?). A guy that can't hold down a steady job. A man that is miserable and sad most days, complaining that life dealt him a bad deal while crying on your shoulder. A man that needs his mommy, but takes you as a substitute. A loser who never asks how you are doing. A guy that's always borrowing money from you. Someone who can't or refuses to communicate.

Why do Project Men like me?

This man is attracted to you, because he wants to be taken care of and he sees that you're more than willing to do it. You spoil him rotten, and he gets away with doing most anything - and nothing. You stay up at night listening to his thoughts, his dreams and his fears. All the while, he never asks you about yours. You spend your days doing little things for him, surprising him with gifts, and planning romantic evenings out. Working yourself to the bone, you pledge yourself to this man - and he slurps it up quite greedily, loving all the attention he's getting... basically for free. Why wouldn't he like you? The man is exerting minimal effort, has a mommy-girlfriend that takes care of him, and he's getting laid. He's got a pretty sweet deal.

Why should I stay away from Project Men?

These men are dangerous because they always - always - always - break your heart. You work hard in these relationships because you want to fix him, and you want to show him through your actions how you want to be loved in return. But it never happens, and will get worse. You can never fix another human being - they must fix themselves!

The more you give to the Project Man, the more needy and greedy he will become. Eventually you will end up a completely zapped woman - a woman with an empty and bitter heart because you gave it all away for nothing in return. A Project Man has issues, and these issues are not your responsibility to solve. A project man is not strong or resilient, and is a selfish human being. Sure, he may change or evolve at some point in his life - but it's not your job to help him out.

Look for better qualities in your men.

Strong men do exist in this world, and have their lives under control because they take personal responsibility in handling their own issues. They enter into relationships with a balanced state of mind, and never ask more of you than he's willing to give in return. Sure, the bad boys might be attractive at first glance - but a bad boy will always lead to bad things. Do yourself a favor, and pick a strong healthy man instead. You deserve to be in a rewarding two-sided relationship and not have to assume the role of psychologist, mommy or secretary.

Never date anyone with more baggage that your trunk can carry!