I agree everything he did behind you back is bullshit and he should be called out on the mat for that.

However that last paragraph is holding a grudge. If you didnt want SD to be able to have anything to do with your children then you probably should have thought twice about having children with this man and I am not saying that to be mean I am saying that to be honest.

These two are her half sisters (?), this is yoru husband. Regardless of what SD does this is her family too surprisingly enough as much as it is yours by way of blodd.

Give your husband some credit about being able to take care of yoru BD's I assume you trust him with your children or you wouldnt have any with him. So trust that he knows appropriate situations for your daughters to be involved in. It's a visit ...that's it. I seriously doubt she is going to change your daughters into a raging college partier in two days. As far a your husbands behind you back actions, you need to deal with that. he is wayyyy out of line.

I obviously don't know the details with your SD but it sounds like from your post that you have a strong dislike of her. You say "We discussed it and I thought we had agreed" It doesn't sound like your DH would agree with that statement. It would have been better if he wouldn't have done it behind your back but did you give him a choice. A couple of the things you bring up as the things your DH did wrong seem like things that should be his decision. I would for example, NEVER allow my husband to tell me when I was allowed to take a day off, especially if the time off was to attend an activity for one of my kids.

I have two kids who had tons of activities that we worked around for years. I would not force the kids attend an activity if that meant missing out on a family event. Even if you don't like or approve of the SD, she is still their half sister. As an adult I'm very close to my half siblings even though they often made mistakes or did things my parents did not approve of.

A lot of college aged kids make bad decisions. The guidance, love and support they get from their families is part of what gets them thru this and allows them to learn and make better decisions. Ultimately you either trust DH to be a good dad or you don't. Ask yourself what the real consequences of the girls going along to this event are? Do you think your DH would allow your SD to drink or use drugs in the presence of your kids? Are you concerned that if SD bad mouths you it will somehow lessen the affection your kids have for you? My advice is you should discuss with your husband the importance of being honest about his feelings and choose your battles.

Yes, but Elizabeth you forget that your DH wears the Googly Eye Disney Daddy Goggles and filters out all the crap that SD does. In his eyes, she's wonder woman and your BD's (and everyone else) MUST surely WANT to see her and spend time with her just like he does.. right? (insert gag sound here)

Sounds like my DH..
SS14: Got caught shoplifting at 12, got caught at a drinking party at 13, admitted to buying, smoking and selling pot at 13, got caught smoking cigarettes at 12, failed both 7th and 8th grade, has been having sex since 11... and this is just the shit he has been CAUGHT at/admitted.

But according to DH, he's a good kid (who's just made some mistakes and is just acting like a "normal" teenager)and he is BS3 brother and therefore I should welcome his glorious presence in my home.

Listen I don't give a monkeys ass if SS and BS were siamese twins for pete's sake, I don't want BS around SS. Period.Dot.Dash. Thankfully, it has not been forced on me yet as at the present time, SS is not speaking to DH. (HOORAY for small favors!) DH seems to have this ridiculous notion that just because skids aren't mouthy and say please and thank you, that they are "good kids"

I agree with zero and what. I'm not trying to be rude or hurtful. DH shouldn't have gone behind your back.

That said, some of SD's behavior is typical of college students (minus the guy with multiple baby mommas). She has ex. She drinks. She dates guys with tattoos. My own DH has tattoos.

You don't see SD a lot. However, I think you need to mentally disengage from her. Casually change the subject if DH starts talking about her. Don't ask about her. Don't look at her social networking sites. Find friends/family/bds friends' moms who can help with your bds when you're working and DH has something going on with SD so they don't have to see her if you don't want them to.

I originally started on here at the same time more or less that Elizabeth did, I think SD was about 13 or 14. Her DH has never been very involved with their daugheter but tripped over his d%ck for SD. He has allowed her to treat E like crap, and this isn't thei first time he has manipulated and gone behind her back.

I think that he knew that E had said no to the trip and he did it any ways because he is a manipulater. I would be pi$$ed if it were me. How is he financing this little trip. I am amazed he has any money to spend on this. Also I would be concerned whether he would bekeeping an eye on the girls while under SD's spell.

I just feel like this wouldnt be such a big deal if OP didnt dislike her SD so much.

And it's not the my SD has bad behavior, she is not a good person, so I am going to disengage. It's quite the opposite. Elizabeth is constantly checking what SD is doing on social sites. She quite enjoys checking up on SD and seeing what she is doing. She knows who she is sleeping with, what grades she is getting, what she did that weekend. SD is 10 hours away.

Not trying to attack you, but if you really dont like your SD you can cut her out of your life and head. You dont have to check up on her on social sites. That would probably solve a lot of your issues.

But back to the original post, you either suck it up and take one for the team (allow this weekend to happen, becuase it obviously means a lot to your husband) or put your foot down, stop the weekend from happening (you have a legit reason since he went behind your back)and deal with the aftermath.

I just feel like its a control issue, you dont like SD, so you dont want DH and BDs to go.

Oh Liz...And I am usually TOTALLY on your side about things because your DH and SD remind me of my DH and SS to an extent. But I tried to tell you when you first posted about this that it "I" would not make it a hill to die on.

And I hope now you see why. When you first posted about this you posted that you argued with him on all of the above points. So he did what he had to do and he FIXED almost all of your concerns. Hun...if you would have just let it go, he would have been up there and back in one day. No harm. no fowl.

I really don't see how you can, NOT let this happen without looking like it is ALL about SD now. He fixed most of your concerns.

Believe me..I know how you feel, but I think you shot yourself in the foot on this one.

contray to what we as Mom's believe we do not own our children exclusively. They are DH's too.

if you passed away tomorrow your daughters are left with your husband who can and will have a relationship with sd

if the two of you divorced tomorrow he can and will expose your daughters to sd. it is his right.

we complain about BM's and control issues. I have had to accept I cant control what my DEX does when he has my children in his care, nor can he dictate what I can do while they are in my care.

this situation calls for some compromise.

Egads!

I don't know what I would be more upset about. The fact that he kept you out of the loop or the length of complex actions he took behind your back. So not cool. I'm curious as to exactly what he was expecting your recation to be?

Do you think he was "going behind you back" or was he just fixing all of the points you were arguing about? Did he out and out tell you that he was not going or did he just stop arguing with you about it?

Think about it this way...your DH tells you that NO you can not do something with your kids and then he tells you all of the reasons why you can't. So you go and fix all of the reasons and get on with life until it comes up again.

KWIM?