SM of "4" SC and losing it!!
I just recently found this website and I am hoping it helps me keep my sanity. I am a SM to 4 children. They have nothing to do with their BM since she let her husband abuse them. They have lived with me for 4 years and my husband feels that we should have a bond like I do with my BD's. The other day my SS told me I was ruining his life. He always pulls these fits where he feels sorry for himself and his life is so bad. That the girls in the house are all spoiled and he never gets anything. What makes me so upset is he forgets how bad things were when he lived with his mom that is why he came to live with us. I am always there for him. His BD works alot of hours so I am the one who is at every school and sporting event. When he pulls these fits his BD always sticks up for him cause he says he feels sorry for him especially with everything that happened with his BM. It causes alot of strain on my marriage. I feel my husband should be supporting me. How long does this keep going on. When is enough enough??
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Comments
My husband was the same...
My husband was very protective, especially of his son. He is still like this. I just ignore it now. I realized that for me it wasn't going to change. Plus in my husband's family, boys are everything so that makes it even more interesting.
ebb24...
i think you should sit your husband down and tell him how you feel when SS expresses his frustration on you. also tell him that you don't feel like you are getting the support you need from him. that you have 4 or more kids to look after while he is mostly away. also have him talk to ss about why he feels that way and settle it without you having to stress over that too, not like you have more stuff to worry about. communication is important. wish you well.
-happy mom
I think...
all of you need counseling. If the kids are expressing such unhappiness, you need to get to the root of the problem, and I doubt highly that it is you, just manifested into hating you... anger is usually worn like a suit of armour to protect oneself. He could also be displacing his resentment and holding on, directing on to you for it, because he knows no other way. If their was abuse in the home, I seriously would seek counseling to help the healing process. This anger builds and builds and builds, and manifests in all sorts of ways. It may have NOTHING to do with you but unfortunately, you're getting his wrath, since someone has too.
I would say that you do need to sit down with your DH and talk to him. I would really recommend family counseling. If your DH doesn't want to go through counseling, then go for yourself. At least that way you will be given the "tools" on how to cope, and your DH may turn around once he sees you going through the process.
One thing that concerns me about your post is the phrase you used...
"They have nothing to do with their BM since she let her husband abuse them." Do you really think that she intentionally let her husband abuse them? What about her? Chances are that she too is/was being abused. So her mental state probably is not intact. Therefore, you might want to consider the children's too.
For one thing, who in their mind would actively seek out someone to abuse their children? I am more likely to think that perhaps she is/has been manipulated by this man. The kids certainly can't be the only one they abused. Even the mere fact of abusing their mother in front of the kids is traumatic for children. So, in any event, I'd seek out counseling for them.
Let us know how it goes.