Sleep deprived, but not from a baby, from a NINE YEAR OLD!!!
So this is my first blog post. I have lurked here for a couple weeks after someone directed me here after reading a post (venting about the SAME issue, SS9 waking us up repeatedly throughout the night) in a different forum. I am running on several hours too little sleep (I am a big sleeper, so this really affects me), and as I was cleaning the kitchen this morning I discovered that DH had dumped frying oil in the kitchen garbage can. WTH?? WHO DOES THAT?? So I'm making him clean up the horrendous mess it made under the sink right now before I continue cleaning in there. }:)
So SS9 has this horrid habit of coming into our room at all hours of the night and waking us up because he "can't sleep." Apparently his bedtime and sleep ritual at his BM's house is that she turns on the TV and he sleeps with it on all night. Here, my DH reads to him for 15-30 minutes and then it's lights out. There is no TV in his room (we don't believe that's good idea at all, obviously). So he wakes us up at 1-5 AM, usually at LEAST twice in one night. This morning he topped it off with coming to our closed door and yelling "MEERR, MEERR, MEERR!!!" with his obnoxiously loud voice at 6:45 AM. OMG, I want to go up to him right now as he plays around and I'm cleaning up his dishes on little sleep (on a SATURDAY morning) and scream it in HIS ear, see how he likes that!!
He gets extremely upset when we get upset about the being woken up all the time, he acts as if he's helpless and doesn't know what to do when he can't get back to sleep. I've told him over and over... go read a book until you're sleepy, etc. He gets so upset sometimes before bedtime that he's had screaming/crying jags that have gone on for 20+ min. until he gives himself an asthma attack. Sometimes DH goes and lays with him until he falls back asleep, I think this is something he did a lot for years back when he felt more of the "guilty dad" than he does now. Anyone have any suggestions? I told DH this morning that if this doesn't stop I'm going to start sleeping in the computer room whenever SS9 stays here, as I am sick and tired of being jolted awake in the middle of the night and not being able to go back to sleep for an hour or more.
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dh needs to stop laying with
dh needs to stop laying with him ever, even doing it once in awhile is making your ss scream more because it works sometimes. Your DH needs to take his kid back to his room and tuck him back in and go back to his bed with you. The only reason this kid is doing this is because he can, no one has put a stop to it, if he wakes you up at night again take something of his the next day and dont give it back until he learns to stay in his room, eventually he will either lose all his toys or stay in bed, stop giving him attention for it he doesn't care if its good or bad attention just that its attention and sometimes if he whines enough daddy will lay with him
Oh and if anyone should have to sleep in the computer room it should be the ss's parent not you, why should you have to move yourself for someone elses kid who they won't make behave (sorry its your dh's kid but its not yours) Make him handle this or things will get much worse when ss turns into a teen.
Yeah, his mother coddles him
Yeah, his mother coddles him like crazy, and I don't think my DH is hard enough on him. Since school has started however, we're only going to have him every other weekend, and SS9 never once returned DH's phone calls or talked to him the last two weeks. So I think DH feels like he needs to placate him and not punish him too harshly, lest he not "like coming over here" or something. We would like to have him here more often but his BM is living with some new (as of a month ago) guy more than 30 miles away, and REFUSES to move back into town. She also does not have a car (or a phone) now and relies completely on this new guy. So needless to say, the cost of gas to go pick him up is just too much for us without her meeting us halfway.
Ugh. I'm so tired.
Don't blame you for being
Don't blame you for being tired, the reason I told you to have your DH sleep in the computer room is because if you go to the computer room your SS will end up sleeping in your bed with your DH and thats not a good thing, upsets the natural balance and makes the skid think he's higher on the rung, believe me and/or the others here who have problems with guilty dads. Has this kid always been like this? Maybe he's acting out because of the BMs new guy, but he's old enough to verbalize that and doesn't need to be waking the house up. He's 9 for chrips sake.
Yeah, you're right, on second
Yeah, you're right, on second thought it should be me taking the bed, lol. Yes, he's always had the habit of waking up in the middle of the night and coming in to get DH. He used to get into the bed with us but DH has managed to wean him off that in the past year. I guess his BM has always let SS9 do whatever he wants, including co-sleeping whenever he feels like it.
Apparently he really likes the new guy... it's kind of a strange situation though. Her BF of the past couple years dumped her in early August (right before DH and I's wedding) and moved all his stuff out. She hardly makes any money and apparently can't survive without some guy to support her, so two weeks later she had this new "friend" and she moved into his place. She insists he's just a friend, but he drives her around everywhere and supports her. That's some nice "friend"! Ha.
So now he's claiming that he
So now he's claiming that he can stay asleep @ his BM's house and not here. And that he hates this town. What's that supposed to mean?
that bm is filling his head
that bm is filling his head full of crap and/or he's trying to get a tv in his room.
All kids manipulate to get
All kids manipulate to get what they want or try to. Difference is in intact family there is no guilty parent so kids are not always successful. Skids become master manipulators esp if they sense their birth parents don't get along, Some skids even create drama to get what they want and learn to play the poor me, victim route. I wouldn't bend on this, bending on this will just open up more problems when this 9 year old turns to a teen. No TV, no daddy laying with him (thats a divide and conquer game kids play) no letting him in bed with you, a stern but firm redirection back into his own bed and possibly loss of priviledges or whatever punishment you use to correct child. Its gonna be hard because your going to feel bad if and when the kid is sick but you have to stick to your guns, if the kid senses he will get his way if sick, he will become a skilled actor at being sick etc.