I'm thinking of sending this email to the BM, what do you think?
"BM:
Until you sign a paper giving over primary custody to DH, the girls have no insurance. The Medicaid they had in North Carolina is not valid in Georgia and DH's insurance won't pick them up till he has paperwork showing that he has primary custody. They also are ineligible for emergency insurance her in Georgia. We are not asking you to give up your rights to the girls, just sign over primary custody of them. You will still get your visitation rights. Family and Children Services says you also need to close out their Medicaid in North Carolina.
If you are wondering why I am writing this to you and not DH it's because you two can't even be grown up enough to stop fighting long enough and do what is best for your girls. As you know both girls want to live here and DH and I are fine with that. They made this decision, not DH and I. We would also be fine with them going back to you, it's not DH's and mine or yours and SD's decision to make. What makes the girls happiest is most important.
The problem is if we don't get the paperwork from you then we will have to take this to court and that could mean months with the girls not having any type of insurance. Plus think what it would do to the girls to see you both fighting in court. I know you love your girls and so does Jerry, but now is the time for you two to get the chips off your shoulders and do what is best for the girls.
BTW the girls are doing wonderful in school. SD (10) is proud of what she's doing in the reading program and has made lots of new friends. She loves her school. SD (12) stayed after school one day this week to get extra help in math and she hopes to get better math grades here. She said she made a C at her last school. She also has a crush on two different boys, don't worry nothing is happening there. And she says she has a lot of new friends too.
I told them that if they keep their grades up that maybe this summer they can have a slumber party. They are also looking forward to getting new hamsters.
BM, I know you hate me and personally that doesn't bother me. But it's important for the girls sake that we keep a line of communication open. They want to visit you too, but they want to remain here in Georgia. Just give them time to get over whatever happened at your house that made you ask them to leave. They are angry, hurt, and feel a little unwanted by you time. Only time will solve this. Plus they are both talking with councilors too.
Give the girls a chance to be happy. You're happy in Silva with your new husband but they weren't. Let them be happy too. This probably won't be forever anyway, sometime before their 18th birthday I'm sure one of them if not both will want to move back in with you.
Their Loving Stepmother,
~SM"
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What do you think? I wrote this after spending a hour on the phone with FCS trying to get some type of insurance for the girls. Then I told my DH over the phone only to be hung up on by him. I'm sorry this is not my job, these are not my kids, yet I'm the most responcible adult in all of this.
I'm out of it now! BM and DH are going to have to figure it out on their own. There will be no more favors for my husband to find this stuff out. He can do it on his own.
I will continue to love and care for the girls, but their parents can go to hell! To bad the courts won't give me custody and make their parents give me the child support.
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If you want WWIII....
...send the e-mail. If not, I wouldn't send it it. I read your letter objectively and I promise you, your skids BM is going to be smokin' pissed. You called her immature, you told her that her daughters are picking their dad over her, you referred to yourself as a loving "mother" (be it a step but still a mother to her kids), you are challenging her at her ability to be a mother and her actual rights at being a mother. You are backing a dog into a corner and if you think she treats DH rashly....you have NO idea how viscious she can be once you go toe to toe with her.
"I'm out of it now! BM and DH are going to have to figure it out on their own. There will be no more favors for my husband to find this stuff out. He can do it on his own."
You have it figured out right there. Stay "out" of the arguments between the two of them. If your husband wants primary custody of his girls and they want the same, you are just going to have to go through the proper channels. Hire an attorney and make it official or you will be in constant turmoil with BM over all sorts of issues.
If he needs to cover the girls on an insurance plan, there are ways of doing it. I think THAT sort of participation from you is what will benefit the situation most instead of you engaging BM in any sort of way. I wouldn't be so hard on DH when it comes to this sort of subject....my DH is the EXACT same way. I handle these types of situations (health insurance, taxes, sports registrations, etc.) as well because I'm just better at it. He still loves his children and wants what's best for them, it's just not important to him until it actually becomes an emergency situation.
I commend you for wanting what is best for your stepdaughters, but you have to let the two of them hash it out. Take it from you who wasn't too far from where you're at right now not all that long ago.
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."
stay out
I read and reread your blog and CG is right dont send it, it says hahaha the girls are so much better without you around.
I know that was not what you intended but some BM's are INSANE>
if your H is going to hang up on after the work you put into helping HIS kids then
stay out of it.
“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”
No - dont' send it - maybe
No - dont' send it - maybe DH can say that she will be responsible for 100% medical if any bills come up since she won't sign custody over
can you send the school records to the insurance company and fight them to insure them?
I know how it feels to want to say just that - the truth - the kids are better with us but unfortunately you catch more flies with honey .... hang in there - soon this shall pass - the best thing is you have the girls - the rest can be worked out.
thanks
I haven't sent it. I'm just frustrated. I want what best for the girls but it's like I'm beating my head against the wall. I don't know who's the bigger idiot in this, my H who thinks everything will just magicly work out, or the psyco BM, who is happy to let the girls live with us as long as she get to rule our house and keep getting CS.
Don't fear the thorns among the Roses, but be greatful for the Roses among the thorns
equal idiots
LOL they are equal idiots!!
sometimes it is easy to see how they deserved each other at one time!!
“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”
Don't send it.
Trust me, anything coming from you will send her running the opposite way. If DH asks her to do it, she'll say, "No." If YOU ask her to do it, she'll say, "Hell, no." That's been my experience. Instead, I would have DH send her a short, but sweet email that says something like this:
BM, the girls need medical insurance. I cannot add them to mine without you signing over custody. If I cannot add them to my insurance, then we will have to purchase insurance for them at $___/month. Your share of this expense will be $___/month. Let me know if you would prefer signing over custody and not having to buy insurance or if you would rather keep custody on paper and pay their insurance premiums yourself.
Are you sure he can't add them to his insurance at work? Custody battles can take a long time... as long as they are residing in your home more than 50% of the time, then I think his company has to let him add them to his policy. If nothing else, I would just petition the court for temporary custody, which should be enough to get them insured until you can get a permanent arrangement worked out. Also, I hope you've contacted your state's Division of Child Support Enforcement to see about getting BM to pay some support for her kids.
♥ Georgia ♥
"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)
DH finally did something
He was upset when I said I was out of it. He called our lawyer we used to use when we lived in North Carolina. The lawyer was alot of help. First of all he agreed with me. You can't sit around waiting for other people to take care of it for you.
Lawyer said to file for child support here in Georgia right now and not wait on North Carolina to cancel the existing CS that my husband paid to BM. He said we will still have to come to NC to take care of that but that the two cases are not related so we can go ahead and get child support now.
He then said that once we have a child support order we would be elligible for legal aid here in Ga to file for custody of the girls.
It's amazing the government never helps the father, but as soon as you are on the reseaving end of child support all these people come out of the wood work trying to help.
The lawyer said that once all the paperwork was file with FCS then the girls would then be eligible for medicaid until the custody battle is finished and my husband can put them on his insurance.
Another good thing! We thought we were going to have to file for cusody in North Carolina since thats were the devorce was, but the lawyer says since the girls are now in Georgia we can file here and for once the BM will have to come her
Don't fear the thorns among the Roses, but be greatful for the Roses among the thorns
No no no!
Writing that letter probably helped get out some of your frustration. Keep writing but DO NOT SEND. When I reflect on my situation and my role. The one thing that I believe could made a difference in the way things have shaped up is if I just stayed OUT OF ALL OF IT. I couldn't do that at the time, but it would have been the best for all of us. I'm not saying life would have changed that much, but in a way that is a huge difference because at least I wouldn't have been as upset all the time and my life would have been easier. I definately think my involvment fueled the fire some and it was necessary or helpful.
Listen to the wise women above. Do not send it and let your DH handle her.