Why do you think I should feel about your child the way you do?
My FDH just had this discussion again this morning. What is up with these people? I have a grown bio daughter, I do not expect my FDH to ever love or feel about her the way I do. How can he, she is not his.
So why do these people think we should love and want to spend every moment with THEIR child. Crazo cannot understand why we will not take the skids every weekend. And she means it. She thinks I want to spend my time with HER kids. Really? Are you really that stupid and naive?
Deep down I think FDH thinks I should feel more and want to spend more time with his kids too...well maybe I should rephrase that. I think he hopes I will want to do more with them when they are there on his time.
Not a chance, not my kid. I really don't get it. Can you explain to me how anyone thinks someone should or could love and want to be with YOUR child like you do?
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I've repeatedly heard the
I've repeatedly heard the comment as a step-parent that you should love your step-child because they are part of the man or woman that you say you love. How can you not love this child that is part of your SO?
Add to that, particular to step-mothers - you're a woman, it's child, you're Supposed to feel instantly maternal and bonded to this child that you've known for 10 minutes. And when you talk about the parents themselves - well, Jr or Princess is just the most adorable, wonderful, special snowflake on the whole planet. EVERYONE loves them and so should you. How could you not? You still don't? Oh, must be something wrong with you.
Basically, people are stupid, deluded and have watched too much Hollywood drivel that tells them all Good steps will eventually love the children Like their Own!
Easy possible perception from
Easy possible perception from FDH, mine has this one and got offended when I asked him not to take it personally that yes there is a difference between your skids and your bio kids and how they are affected by the nuclear or blended family...
Because we are all supposed to be a "family" where everyone is treated the equally but the different "personalities" and "quirks" need to be taken into consideration.
:sick:
Ask your FDH if he would
Ask your FDH if he would lurrvveee to spend every weekend with his neices and nephews? I mean they ARE his family, right? But I bet he doesn't lurrvveee them like he loves him own, so why on Earth would he want to spend every weekend with them??
then ask him if he needs a punch in the head... jeesh
Oh, I did better, I said
Oh, I did better, I said sweetie you love my bio daughter right and your kids love her right? Truthfully would you like to spend every weekend with her? He was truthful and said no. He gets it but deep down I think he wants me to spend more time with them than I do when he does have them. Which is not going to happen. He even admitted he doesn't want them every weekend with his kids. He likes all of our adult/couple activities we do with out them.
But it is Crazo that I really don't get. She truly believe I would want to spend every weekend with HER kids. First of all I do like spending time with fskids in small amounts but I also like my time with fdh alone with out them much, much more.
Adult time with no kids, mine or his is great.
Are you sure BM just doesn't
Are you sure BM just doesn't want her every weekend to be kid free but she doesn't want to look like a bad mother she blames you for not wanting them? School all week and dads every weekend. Yea, how I would've like to raise my kids.
His kid, his kid's birthday-
His kid, his kid's birthday- you do not HAVE to do anything. By all means help if it's appreciated. Or if DH asks you and you help him out as a favor to him. But please disengage emotionally from feeling like you have to do it. Same goes for the cooking and cleaning- do only as much as you want to, and let him handle the rest. It can be done nicely and tactfully also, as in "Hey DH, it's getting near dinnertime, what're ya planning on feedin' 'em?" or "Hey DH, skid's stomach issues left a mess under the toilet seat, would ya mind making sure it's taken care of?" or "boy it's gotten messy in here- any way ya could show skids where their stuff goes?"
dont let yourself feel obligated or overwhelmed, please take part in only as much as you want to so you enjoy the time with her too. while you may not always look forward to skid weekends, it would definately help in not dreading it (well, dread may be too strong a word, but i cant think of a better-fitting one...)
Totally. He was fine with me
Totally. He was fine with me paying for most of Christmas, doing the shopping, wrapping, cooking and all that. He is always happy to have me cook some meals for them and clean up after dinner when they're here. He has no issue with me doing their laundry. I get to hear about all their issues and problems. But no one wants my input or advice on anything. We can't even agree on sticking to a bedtime (MIDNIGHT) on the weekends for SD11. Despite finally agreeing to a bedtime, he let her stay up till 230AM on Christmas break. And when I say something, I am reminded that I am not their mother. Well, buddy, this is my house and I don't want your damn kid up all night.
I do love my SD13 but I don't
I do love my SD13 but I don't want to spend every waking moment with her!! She is here EOWeek she requires constant attention. She is very very needy. I can't handle having someone glued to my side 24/7 so I do my own thing and let SO deal with her the majority of the time.
DH's second wife despised his
DH's second wife despised his two sons. Now they did end up worthless human beings.
How much was from being excluded from their father's home by SM? How much was from worthless BM? and how much was just genetics? Who knows?
But by the time I came on the scene both were adults - worthless adults.
Older SS is dead. Younger SS "loves" me. Mostly because I am at least civil and sort of kind to him. At least not overtly mean.
But I honestly just feel indifference at best. DH keeps emphasizing that all SS wants is to be "accepted". I know SS wasn't in DH's previous marriage at all. But if something happened to DH I would never see SS again.
I love my SS14. But that is
I love my SS14. But that is after 7 years in his life. I don't really like the kid, since he is not my type of kid, but I do love him. It doesn't come easy for me. It never will. I did not give birth to him...My BS17 and I have a bond that is tight since I raised him alone for many years after his dad died. I will never have that with SS and I am okay with that. I don't take him to Karate or help with homework. I do cook for him since he lives with us. But, that is it...He has a mom, he doesn't see often but once a month and that is on him. Up to him.
After taking him on a vacation over Christmas and spending thousands of dollars myself to take the family, we aren't even an hour out of FL and he is on the phone texting this woman to meet him for dinner the next day....It was very clear to me, then that no matter what I do, will not be good enough, she will always be MOM....So my guilt over not being closer to him is diminishing quickly.
So funny you made that
So funny you made that comment about him texting her. One of the many books I have read on step parenting, and step families, the author talks about how she raised 2 children from when they were very small they didn't see their bio mom on average once a year.
When the oldest went to away to college, he had on his night stand a picture of the bio mom, and dad. Not her, the only real mom he ever had.
This is why I love but don't overstep my roll and keep myself with very firm boundaries. They will always love and want the approval of the bio mom even if she is a selfish pieces of sh*t.
I am not the mom. Not my kid not my problem. I do not try nor will I take on the role of mother for my FDH's skids. I treat them with the same love and respect I expect and receive from them. Like you my skids are pretty good overall. But I am not going to forget my role.
Tonight is Dragonfly's night. My FDH has the skids, I spend the night doing something for me. He does something with them.
My boyfriend has SS3 every
My boyfriend has SS3 every other week and the kid drives me nuts so I try hard to stay out of the house while he is there. My BF caught on and has been asking me: "You don't like when SS3 is here do you?" Well no actually I can't stand him and don't want to look at his face but I don't tell my BF that }:)
But he seems actually shocked that I wouldn't want to be around his precious little angel.
Sorry, I don't one bit. He is a rude little jerk. He is mean to my son and is always yelling "Don't look at me! Don't touch me! Get away from me!" Seriously.
Really though, why do men think we should be over the moon to be around their kids??