Drac0’s Inferno/camping trip (preface)
The following are a series of actual voice recordings I made for this camping trip, which shall be aptly named as “Drac0’s Inferno”. I apologize in advance if it doesn’t have my usual writing flair, but I think these blog entries are graphic enough without the need for embellishment. Seriously, anything that could go wrong on this trip went wrong. Before, I begin, let me explain the plan.
The plan was to head to my in-laws place where we would spend both Saturday and Sunday night. Then on Monday morning, we would all head off to the campsite. The actors in this horror story are myself, my wife (DW), SS, BS, BD, my father-in-law (FIL), my mother-in-law, my DW’s sister’s kids, (two boys ages 8 and 11, and a girl who is 6). The 6 year old girl’s name is Eve but I have nicknamed her Eve(il) for reasons which shall become apparent in my blog. Oh and my in-law’s dog also accompanied us on this trip. So, that is 4 adults, 5 children, 1 teen and a dog
Note that entries in Italics are after-the-fact comments made by me to either explain something or just enter my thoughts
Voice recording entry 1
Saturday August 16th. This is my first entry for this camping trip. It’s around noon. This is actually a pre-departure entry. Up until an hour ago, I wasn’t even sure if I was even going on this trip because DW and I had a big blow out last night over me coming down particularly hard on SS.
The problem had to deal with supper. All the children were being difficult in eating the food on their plate. All the children were told that they were not allowed to leave the table until everything on their plate was finished; and this rule included SS.
BD finished eating. BS took a little bit of time but he managed to finish everything. SS was the only one who held out. He absolutely refused to eat the four pieces of meat that were on his plate. I told him “Look, the rules apply to you as well. You are not allowed leaving the table until you finish everything.” He still just refused to eat.
DW pulled me aside and said “SS took a big piece of meat, let’s give him some leeway.”
I said “No way José! I don’t care how big a piece of meat he took or if his eyes were bigger than his stomach. He HAS to finish everything on his plate. That’s the rule that we both set down for all the children to follow and I expect ALL the children to follow it.”
Well, after an hour of sitting there just staring at his plate and even after being prompted several times by myself and DW, SS still refused to eat.
So I told him “Fine! After you have finished eating you are going to wash your plate and utensils.”
I was going to revoke his iPad privileges if he continued to be stubborn, but he finally managed to eat those pieces of meat and then he went straight to bed.
reset waterworks meter
Unfortunately, this incident got DW extremely upset. She believes me coming down hard on SS was me being judgmental of DW’s poor parenting practices and this brought up a slew of previous issues; namely me being overly harsh on SS. So, she says she doesn’t want to talk to me.
I said “Fine, if you don’t want to talk to me, I am not going to go on this family trip if my wife is not going to want to talk to me.”
And that is how the night ended.
I got up this morning and I was still getting the silent treatment until finally just before I was stepping into the shower, DW said she made some space in our luggage for me to put my clothes in, suggesting that the silent treatment is over.
I guess? I dunno.
Anyways, I am sitting in the parking lot at the grocery store now. I just have a couple of things to get before this trip. I am hoping (and I am crossing my fingers here) that this is going to be the only incident of this trip (and we haven’t even started yet).
*sound of keys rattling*
Hee hee…This was actually quite mild compared to what I was coming!*cue Friday the 13 music!
So, we’ll see how this goes.
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Comments
VR recordings were necessary
VR recordings were necessary as we were going away on a camping trip (therefore no access to laptops). As to WHY I agreed to this trip, you'll have to see my previous blog entry on this. At first it was just supposed to be a 2 to 3 day camping trip with just me, DW and our kids. Then somehow the in-laws got thrown in, then this became a week-long affair. Oh and now DW's nephews and nieces are thrown in....
Rules were set by BOTH me and
Rules were set by BOTH me and DW for ALL our children. I do not believe it is fair for any one child to be given special treatment just because he's a tall coddled step. End of.
Once again you just pick and choose what tidbits of my blog suit your judgmental stance.
I run into this same problem
I run into this same problem with my husband and my SD6. We agree to certain rules, but then when it comes time to follow through, my husband wants to go easy on her. We have a BD1 and this inconsistency doesn't affect her.... yet. As she gets older, she'll see that she has to follow rules but that her sister gets special treatment. It's not fair to your two bio kids to have to follow rules and see that their brother doesn't. I'm with you on this one. What you did was right.
DW and I don't fight in front
DW and I don't fight in front of the children. Once again you just LOVE making assumptions about what goes on in our home just to float your opinions.
This is two or three times
This is two or three times now you make a statement "and your DW will leave you" in order to lend credence to your opinion. When people on these boards start using that argument, I tune out.
That bit where she pulled you
That bit where she pulled you aside and asked you to give one of the kids some leeway (kid having sat for an hour over 4 pieces of meat) and you refused, will have been plain and apparent to all the kids. The body language and tonality, the facial expressions... they will all have known that she was asking you to be kind to the child and you refused. I too agree with not favoritizing a child but you are not being realistic if you think the kids did not notice a big fat unspoken row over authority going on.
Isn't this kid in high
Isn't this kid in high school? Why in the would a teenager have the same rules as two preschool kids?? No wonder he acts like a big baby. It's normal for teenagers to say I'm full without someone forcing them to clean their plates. LOLOLOLOL
Wife needs to grow a backbone and tell to chill out when it comes to minor stuff.
THIS She acts like she is one
THIS
She acts like she is one of the children in the home instead of an adult with equal standing. It's ok for her to disagree with the OP when it comes to her son. There's nothing wrong with her having different rules for the kids since there is such a huge age difference.
Forcing anyone to eat is
Forcing anyone to eat is just wrong. my parents did that too until my younger sister barfed the forced food right back on her plate. Verges on abuse IMO.
Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Abuse? Really?
Just because of one instance of your younger sis having a weak stomach?
YES! Forcing a person to eat
YES! Forcing a person to eat until they vomit is abusive.
SS didn't vomit. He cried.
SS didn't vomit. He cried. But he didn't vomit.
If you've been following my
If you've been following my blogs, it doesn't take much to make SS cry.
So if the little ones go to
So if the little ones go to bed at 7:30, should the high school kid have the same rule?
The littles ones have to ride bikes on the sidewalk.
The high school kid can play touch football and ride his bike in the street.
Age appropriate rules shouldn't be confusing at all.
^^^^THIS^^^^
^^^^THIS^^^^
This! Draco and his wife set
This! Draco and his wife set the rule, for all children. They agreed on it.
Then as soon as Tall SS starts to get a little upset, his wife waffles and wants to let him get away with it.
That just proves that SS is "special" because he is a stepkid, and feeds into his worldview of being the center of everything.
Exactly. It doesn't matter
Exactly. It doesn't matter what the rule is. If both parents agreed to it, they needed to follow through. Its not fair to make some kids follow the rule and let others get away with it.
You're right! I'm a crew and
You're right! I'm a crew and making this all up LOL!
Go to cracked.com and look up
Go to cracked.com and look up top ten internet arguments we hate. SA used three of them in this blog alone.
Oh and irregardless IS a word. I had this discussion before on another forum. Whenever a word finds its way in print, it becomes part of the English language.
AGREED!!!!
AGREED!!!!
Mom might be able to raise
Mom might be able to raise her son just fine if she didne have someone constantly looking over her shoulder wagging his finger and shaking his head.
Let's be honest. She can't be that bad at parenting since he had not one but two children with her.
The kid has a dad in his
The kid has a dad in his life.
Talk about double standards. Many SMs would flip if their SO's said they brought them into their kids lives because they knew. they would be an excellent mother to the stepkids.
No. The issue is that DW and
No. The issue is that DW and I set the rule at the table. No one leaves until their plates are clean. DW waffled when SS held out but I remained firm. You are one of the few making this into a control issue and taking the macho-man troll position (no husband of mine would do that!).
How does backing out of a
How does backing out of a rule that we BOTH established become "DW disobeying me". You really are out to lunch here.
I suspect you are still out
I suspect you are still out to lunch. What are you eating? Week-old sushi?
Vickmeister, Amber, Ladyface, dtzyblond, shaman, stepdown have all given me good advice and i've listened even if I didn't agree with them at first. You're just being an ass at this point.
Drac0, I hear you. This
Drac0, I hear you. This happens in our house too. I suspect some people here just can't believe that the wife can be at fault... you are the man, so you are automatically the problem here. Clearly you are a terrible, authoritarian drill sergeant because you expect your wife to enforce a rule you both set 5 minutes previously.
You guys made a joint rule, your wife has no backbone. Sounds like my life.
Oh please. There is not a
Oh please. There is not a week that goes by that I don't read a blog on here about "men" doing this, or "men" doing that. There is a LOT of anti-man negativity here. I've seen it since I joined two years ago. Maybe you aren't anti-man, but I bet you your experience with your DH colours your responses to Drac0's posts.
Yes, he knows that he only gets authority when his wife wants him to. However, he is trying to be a team with his wife. And that means when you make a joint rule, you enforce it - jointly. I think his frustration is as much with SS as it is with DW. I'm sure he probably hates to see SS walking all over DW. I know I hate it in my house.
I think he was perfectly justified in getting angry. Maybe it would have been better directed at DW for being a spineless parent, but SS is old enough to know the rules apply to him as well.
Dtzy, DW even admitted that
Dtzy, DW even admitted that she lets her own guilt get in the way but that iz beside the point. DW just lost it because she felt - I. A round about way - that I was attacking her. Specifically her poor parenting. I guess she feels that she is the o ly one allowed to co.e down hard on SS. SA is making the gross assumption that this is a control issue with me. It's not. DW and I both set the rule (oh but SA thinks i'm lying About that). No, maybe its not a hill to die on, but I decided to fight this one. Turn back the clocks and I would have made the same decision.
Appologies for typos. My mitts cant type properly on the smartphone
I have to work on that.
I have to work on that. Correction. WE have to work on that. Me coming down hard on SS is not a secret coded message to DW that I think she's a poor parent. I just see it as me steping up. In my POV, I would have done the exact same thing to my bios if they pulled this stunt - oh wait - I have....and so has DW. But my bios are toddlers. They're still learning. Sadly, SS is too.
DracO, you should know by now
DracO, you should know by now this site is full of haters LOL...LOL...HA...FUCK 'EM....!
You people need to get over
You people need to get over the food thing, dinner or not... the husband and wife decided on a rule that was meant for ALL of their kids, meaning every kid has to follow it. If the younger kids were able to listen and eat their food and then leave the table, I'm sure the older kid could do the same. He is obviously used to getting away with things from his mother and that's not right. In a blended family the children should know both of the adults are authority figures. From the comments I understand he is a teenager, so he shouldn't have taken more than he could handle to begin with, and I highly doubt 4 pieces of cut up meat is going to make him barf. And if a teenage boy is going to sit at the table and cry over 4 pieces of meat for a large amount of time, something needs to change.
EXACTLY What SWilson said.
EXACTLY What SWilson said.
^^^This. I don;t follow
^^^This. I don;t follow Drac0's blogs but have often found his posts on the general forum interesting. So I come to this without any knowledge of his family dynamics really. I was just drawn to it by one quote at the bottom of the page. But having read all the entries to date it definitely looks like all the kids have been exposed to at least an hour's worth of marital discord on this occasion and that makes all kids very very unhappy. One has to look at the big picture which is not 4 bites of food at all but the emotional struggles going on.
LOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOL
I promise you monkey. I got
I promise you monkey. I got LOTS of tales to tell about this camping trip. Its coming....
FWIW, you are never going to
FWIW, you are never going to win on the internet.
Regarding the situation present in this thread: some obviously are going to view you as evil stepfather. There is nothing you can say or do to change that.
If you had not said anything and let SS get away with it, half the people on here would be all "What the hell, Drac0??! Grow a set of balls! Man up!" (I guarantee some of those would be the same people giving you a hard time currently).
If you had not said anything and then pulled your DW aside to speak with her about it, you'd get it from both sides: Man Up! (for not telling skid he needs to follow the rules), and "Evil Stepfather!" for insisting to DW that SS has to follow the rules.
Guarantee Dtzy dick is
Guarantee Dtzy dick is bigger...smarter as well. Hey....a smart dick...guess that is better than a smart ass.
Gender smender...not seeing the gender issue with this OP. But definitely see some other confusing shit. Seriously......WHAT is up with the whole voice recording thing???? No computer so record voices...what is this used for????
But why????? I have never
But why????? I have never heard of voice recording a trip. Dose the wife know he is doing that? If not, I think that is a invasion of privacy. I dunno....just gives me the creeps. I mean, is he caring it where ever he goes??? Just can't wrap my dick...I mean head around it. I must be a dumb ass...
lol
Exactly!!!! You use it as a
Exactly!!!! You use it as a measure of protection in bad situations. I fully understand recording some one who is a danger to society and themselves.
He must of been using it to record himself talking I guess.
My hubby has to use a voice recorder for work...he is in a special section of law enforcement.
So how is your granny doing with just your uncle now? Any more adventures in the mall?
Did not read all the
Did not read all the replies....holy smokes, over 200...but what I still cannot wrap around my head is the voice recording. I do not understand the need for that. When did it become a "thing" to do when a computer is unavailable, you voice record?
If my hubby wanted to do that, I would look at him like he lost his marbles!!!! Then if he insisted.....here's the door...
For me, that is a very odd thing to do...voice record your life. Nope, cannot see the positive value in that.
If you decide to read the
If you decide to read the next segment of my blog posts you may see why. I was not looking forward to this camping trip.
In the end, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.
It was worse.
Keeping a VR of what was happening to me so I can remember it later was the best (and most discrete) way of doing so. It will also give the reader a sense of what was happening to me at the time. Also, FYI, I only VRed myself.
Although there was a point I should have VRed my FIL...again, you'll see why later...
Ok....I get it. I was very
Ok....I get it. I was very confused wondering if people where unknowingly being recorded. Get it now....its your diary. Thanks for explaining that to me.
LOL! This is bizarre! I only
LOL! This is bizarre! I only glanced over a few post and boy did it get blown up!
I used to think that Draco was way to involved too. But he has disengaged a LOT. Now I do not think that making a kid eat everything on their plate is a fight worth having, but this was a rule that BOTH parents made for ALL kids. Not just the little ones. That would be a terrible example for the small ones. (and PS...I saw 2 posters telling draco he was abusive for making a kid clean a plate but I have seen both of those posters tell a SM that a skid should have to clean the plate and not be wasteful ect.).
And the recording...I don't think he is recording her. He is recording his thoughts. Like a diary. And I know a lot of women on here write down stupid stuff that DH and skids do.
I don't agree with some of the things Draco does but the hypocrisy on this blog blows my mind.
My SD used to make my plate
My SD used to make my plate for me, then force me to eat whatever was on the plate. If I didnt, I had to sit at the table until it was done.
It was AWFUL. An AWFUL experience.
I have food issues to this day and I swear its because of that.
for the record. I am not a
for the record. I am not a hypocrite, I have NEVER posted to a SM to make their skid clean their plate. I am very strongly against this type of child feeding!!!
This is in reply to Willows comment about the 2 posters giving contradicting advice on telling SM to make their kids eat everything on their plate.
So, let's turn this around.
So, let's turn this around. With a clean slate. New poster comes along (a SM) who has a teen SD that's been raised to cry her way out of things and daddddyyy let's her because she's his princess (sound familiar to most here?). Now SM and her DH have agreed that SD needs to start following the rules, and that the bio parent must be behind the rules in order for it to work. How many times have the SM's on here been promised by their DH's that they'll start parenting, only to be blindsided by the whole "quit being mean to my kids" schtick when the time comes? Is it the step who's in the wrong for going through with a rule that was mutually agreed upon? I don't care if Draco's wife wasn't fully behind it, most of the Disney dad's on here aren't too keen about having to actually parent their princesses (for fear of losing them) but it has to be done! Or else you raise unruly kids to be unruly adults.
Just my two cents after a great big ol' crapstorm.
For what it's worth, my
For what it's worth, my comment to that hypothetical SM would be about the same as my reaction to Drac0. "Yeah, you were right that the kid needs to follow the rules, of course. But your DH needs to enforce it, not you. All you got was a fight with your DH and all the blame for being the 'wicked SM'. Not worth it. Also, your problem is 100% with your DH, not the kid. Have a fight about HIS parenting, not yours, that might actually be worth it."
I will say as well that I thought it a bit weird that this rule was decided right before this dinner - it hasn't always been a rule? (Dunno, some posts gave the impression that you guys had JUST decided this.) If not, I can see why SS took slightly too big a piece. And 4 pieces of meat would hardly be my hill to die on. But really, when DW pulled you aside and asked to give SS a break, you should have told her you felt you guys needed to stick with the rule you just made and then had her enforce it, not you. When YOU became the enforcer, you stepped on her toes (obviously) - if you'd had HER do it, then she's actively involved and can't really blame you for it. (Or at least it's harder for her to claim you were the one being "mean" to SS if she's the one going back to the table and saying, "We talked about it and decide you have to clean your plate.")
Yeah... *cracks
Yeah...
*cracks knuckles*
Time to clean house.
Draco - I've been gone for
Draco - I've been gone for the weekend and this is the first time I've been at a computer.
I didn't bother to read most of the responses and it appears you deleted many of them.
However I am going to point out one thing. I don't give two shits about what you and your DW fought about the other night. The point is, you pushed an issue that could have been easily resolved. It was a very small issue but I get the feeling you stood your ground, not on principal, but to cause a fight.
My experience with men has been, when they don't want to do something, they will pick unnecessary fights in order to get out of whatever they agreed to do. My Dad did it with my mother, H used to do it with me, the H's of my friends do it, my BIL does it before big trips.
You fought that trip all along. At some point you need to be honest and tell your DW you don't want to do X (or whatever it is that is making you grind your teeth). If it means you're going to miss out on a "first" for you bios, then you will need to decide would it be more frustrating to go or fruitful to simply put on your big boy pants and suck it up.
I'm going to give you some other unsolicited advice. Due to age differences between my older siblings, younger sisters and me, there were some general rules of the house and there were some rules that were age appropriate. My older siblings weren't held to the same standard as my younger sisters and me. Likewise, holding my older siblings to the same standards of their much younger sisters would have caused a teenaged angst-filled uproar.
I'd like to suggest that you and DW go back and revisit your kid rules to see if they're all applicable to both age groups. You may find that what is okay for SS may not be good for your bios, and vice versa. You're struggling with your DW continuing to treat him like a small child. Holding him to the same rules as his much younger siblings may also be holding him back.
I do know that the days I "graduated" to the new rules were the days I started feeling more grown-up. It's nice not to be treated like a little kid all of the time (even when they still act like one).
One last bit of unsolicited advice. Your SS has a father, regardless of how you or DW feel about him, he's still SS's father. Stop trying to parent SS. Concentrate on your bios. Treat your SS the way you would a stranger and let your DW raise him. You cannot do anything more for your skid and it's causing you too much frustration. If your DW wants to raise him to be a co-dependent baby, then that is her right.
I'm not saying it's an easy choice. Letting go is difficult. Just remember you're not giving up authority. You're giving up control of a situation that is not truly yours to control. I'm not saying to let go of the boundaries you've established. But if you want a successful marriage, it's time to step away from the skid. Put your energy into your marriage and raising your bios. It would be time well spent and ultimately less frustrating for you.