Advice needed
I stumbled on this site while searching for answers and thought you all might have some input. I have a SD14 and DH46 who have an emotionally incestuous relationship best described as a "surrogate spouse" scenario. Have any of you experienced this and if so do you have any advice? I have three children of my own (all adults) and have never seen such blurred boundaries between parent/child roles. He treats her as a partner instead of as his child. Thanks in advance.
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Been there, done that
Evil3 is right, MANY of us on this site have been in this situation. I'm 76 and still dealing with SD59. So, yes, it is a deep, long-standing dynamic.
So many women here deal with
So many women here deal with that issue. It is bazar and from what I can tell based on others experiences, that I have read about, the whole mini-wife thing seems to get worse as the daughter gets older.
Time to really start thinking
DH does not see it ( he thinks this is normal) Since he think this is normal, it will never change. Do you want to live your life second to a SD. Do you want to spend all your holidays, vacations, events with SD. You will have no friends because they will not put up with this. Not having an adult relationship.
Time to make an exit plan
I really appreciate all your
I really appreciate all your input guys. I've been doing some reading about it this morning. I just feel stupid now for not recognizing it for what it was sooner.
Not stupid
Naive, maybe. Uneducated on f@cked up step family relationships.
Welcome to the site!
I have 2 SD's - SD21 Feral Forger and SD14 Munchkin.
SD21 FF, in the beginning, would try to "control things", with respect to our household. Fortunately she was only there parttime time for visitation and too lazy to try anything deeper than bossing her little sister around.
But for the most part I am "Queen bee" of my household. I dominate everything. On purpose. And the way I tell it to Munchkin is that Im Queen, her father is King, and we are totally responsible for the well being of everyone else. She gets it. She gets to be a kid, with us. I do have the issue of munchkin being totally enmeshed with her mother, Toxic Troll, to the point that she is her mother's BFF and parents her.
Im sorry you are going through this, of all the messed up step situations, this is the worst that Ive seen (mini-wife) . When a poster relates their stories about mini-wife sds (and even mini-husbands) I cringe inwardly.
Don't feel stupid!!! Stupid
Don't feel stupid!!! Stupid would be staying in a relationship with this dynamic for 18 years like I have. Lol.
My SO and his daughter had the mini wife syndrome big time. We actually broke up over it several times. He has gotten a LOT better the past 10 years with it . I thought when she hit 18/got a boyfriend/life, etc it would help. It didn't because she's incapable of having a normal relationship with a guy and she went crazy with drug use. Then got pregnant. Ugh. But through all that I pointed out a lot of crap. He finally saw for himself that they are incapable of having a normal relationship. They go through long periods of not speaking...like years...because he doesn't cave to her neediness and demands any more. He's retired, his money is tied up in his dream farm that he loves more than anything so she gave up trying to get $$ out of him.
The thing is with these daughters as they become adults is you're always waiting for them reappear to put the moves on "daddy" and it's always a worry that Daddy will be so desperate for a RELATIONSHIP with HIS CHILD that he'll cave...even if it means ending the relationship with their wife/girlfriend/SO.