Don't Take My Opinions To Hart
I am finding this site very educational and at the sametime very scary...lol. I am so interested in hearing from the step parents to see their side of things since I am a bio mom and only know my situation. I learned that I have a lot of situation that are similar to some of the step parents. I never thought I would. Now I realize it doesn't matter if your a step or a bio parent when it comes to dealing with families, its really the type of person you are and how you handle life situations. I hope I have not upset anyone on this site I give my opinion but thats all it is an opinion. You can take it or leave it, thats fine by me. I enjoy reading everyones different opinions on different subjects even if they are not the same as mine. I just hope everyone realizes that we're all hear to vent get alittle advice and figure out what to do with ourselves and our families. It is a great site for emotional support expecially when you may not get the support you need from your loved ones.
Thank you for listening.
- Daytona1's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Welcome Daytona1
We are always looking for a new perspective to help us gain insight and knowledge. Biomom or SM it doesn't matter. You are right we are here to learn and to get support.
Are you also a Step Mom? A lot of us are both.
We welcome your input.
Welcome Aboard
Tyra
Thank You Tyra
Thank you for responding Tyra. I am a bio mom only. I am looking for advice and opinions from everyone since it is difficult to be raising a child in two different homes with four parents. We all have our own ideas of raising children and dealing with others when it comes to our kids, so its nice to hear about the other sides views. My sister is a step mom only and has a difficult time dealing with the ex. I try to help her realize what it is like having to deal with parenting from someone else when its your child involved. Expecially when its your ex's girlfriend trying to tell you how to raise your child. I still beleive these step parents who take on so much responsibilities deserve a medal for putting up with their new spouse, step kids and their ex. Well some of them anyway.
It isn't easy
There have been times in my fairly new relationship (almost 4 years) that I have wanted to walk away and end this. But I do love my husband and now we have a child and one on the way so we are committed to make this work. I don't want my children to go through this or my SD to have to endure another divorce (she was very young the first time but this one would impact her so much more).
Your sister is lucky to have you to help her gain a different prespective to the situation. Most of us come here for support. I have no friends that are in this situation.
I always think it must be hard for biomoms to have to share their kids with another woman. Most of us know our roles in our skids life. Some skids are lucky to have good BM but others are not so lucky. My dh ex , I will give her that, she is a good mom. I just wish she would give my husband what I think is his legal right and that is 50% custody. After all the hurt she has caused I wish she would just allow him to have what he desires most.
Obviously, I am not in your place and often wonder does it not give you some relief to know that when your child is with us that they are loved and cared for. Biomom did give me some prespective on this. But I can't help thinking it has to be easier then dropping them off to a home where they hate going. I know in my situation, as much as I don't like BM, I know how important she is in my SD's life, and always talk about her in a positive light. To speak ill of her would only damage my Sd which inturn will hurt our children and our families.
It is a rough road and we all are just trying to find ways to manage it either with the ex, or our spouses or within ourselves.
I look forward to hearing what you have to say.
Welcome again. It is really a great group of ladies.
Tell Step mom
I would love to tell my daughters step mom about this site but then thats another place I would have to deal with them. I don't think it would be such a good idea. Maybe I could find her a different one if she would except my help. Who knows....right!!!
I wish my daughters step mom was like you or just wish my daughter wanted to go to her dads but she begs me not to make her go there and that is frustrating. She says they fight all the time and they don't do anything together. At first I was releived that there was someone else looking out for my baby girl but after learning about this womens admitted temper I am very frustrated for my daughter who has to witness this and I know my ex he has no problem fighting in front of kids that is one of the reasons why he's my ex. I am bond by the courts right now to make my daughter visit her dad every second week-end and try and explain that to a five year old who doesn't understand why her mother is forcing her to go to a place where she feels unwanted, ignored, and stressed. Anyway I have a lot of issues to work out and I am looking forward now to resolving them with the advice of others on this site.
Thank-You!!!
I feel bad for your
I feel bad for your daugther. Being a parent...bio or step...is such a priveldge (in most cases). My SD is 5 1/2 years old and she is a wonderful little girl. I have know her since she was 2. Just last evening she has a little valentine that she made at school and it says I love...it list mommy, daddy, baby brother and me. She knows that she is loved here as well.
I think my husband loved his daugther that much that he wanted to make sure that she had a good SM.
Fighting in front of kids..we don't do. It must break your heart to know that that is going on. I remember my niece who is 20 now and when she had to go to her dad's when she was 2 hanging onto my dad screaming and crying and my heart ached for her (my sister had a baby at a young age and lived at home with us). My family was so distraugth over this. Today she has very little to do with his family and it has been like that since she was old enough to make that decision.
I know my daugthers mom when she won't see her for a long time (one week) because we are on vacation will send her with a photo album of memories of her and her mommmy. So if she has a mommy moment then we get her little book and look at it together (not my favourite time but I do it for my SD)
Maybe it would be good to tell your ex about this site. It may help but it sounds like the SM has a lot of her own issues. Have you spoken to your ex about any of these issues? Does he see that his little girl is upset?
Speaking of Photos
My daughter has her own room at her papa's house when she goes there on dh week-end. When dh got together with new girlfriend she made him get rid of all my photos including the once in her papa's house. Her papa was so upset that they took my picture that he asked for another and he would just hide it when they come over. What a joke! I don't have family close by so I am greatful for still having a good relationship with my daughters papa / dh's dad. My dh's new girlfriend doesn't like me talking to dh's dad and wants it to end. Do you know they had the nerve to tell dh's dad to stop talking to me. He told them no he needs to talk to me because of his granddaughter. Then dh asked me to stop talking to his dad...I lost it, I told him he has no control over who I talk to nor does he have control over who his father talks to for that matter so deal with it. Sometimes I really have to wander where some people get these thoughts that they can do these things to people.
I don't think having him on this site would be a good idea. He wouldn't want to know I am venting to others about him and his girl friend.
Dh and sm know my daughter doesn't want to be there they called me one day and said they don't know what to do with her she just wants to go home. (I say ok send her home) But they won't, so why call and tell me, it just makes me want to go and get my baby girl and bring her home.
I had a similar
I had a similar experience..maybe you can help shed some light.
My dh had a nasty divorce...custody battle, she said awful things about him etc. My husbands parents really never liked the ex. Four years later, after her and I had an argument, she shows up on Christmas morning with a gift for my MIL wihtout SD (we have her then).
Now my MIL says she feels caught between us. I feel as though she is betraying her son since it was such an ugly time. The ex never brings SD to visit her when she has her. I would certainly understand that.
Maybe she is trying to make amends. I don't know. I would never tell MIL who to talk to but she kind of throws it in my face...."she still calls me mom (which I am not comfortable saying..I have a wonderful mom) "the two families (my DH and his EX's) are getting so close". I have chosen to be apart of it. My Dh has asked his mom to be a little more sensitive but it is not in her nature.
I understand the importance of past relationships. I love my ex's mom...always have and always will.
I just can't figure out if she up to something or is just trying hard to become a new and better person?
Don't Play that Game
It sounds to me that she is playing a game and maybe dh's mother is enjoying the attention. Enjoy your husband and children step or bio but don't play her games be yourself. I would never show up at a family event of my ex's parents house without my daughter. I have my own family to take care of and friends I don't need to intrude on a private affair and make anyone uncomfortable.
That's what I thought.
That's what I thought.
I agree I am not getting involved. Just let it play itself out and maybe it will just get better one day. If SD was involved it would make all the sense in the world to me.
Thanks again