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sorry blog hog but had to tell you this one...

daisy0202's picture

DH just called me all pissed off at his mother.

We are going away next weekend from thursday to Monday. This has been planned for months and could not of came at a better time.

We are going to my parents summer home in the cape with friends of ours. There will be no children, it is an adult long weekend and we do this every year. Now let me explain my DH's mother. She HATES and I mean HATES when my DH and I go away. She thinks going on vacation is a waste of money and feels her children (my DH and her daughter should not travel and waste their money) (the daughter never travels with her DH) So I guess DH's mother told him of some family party for next weekend and he says I am going away to the cape with DW, well the shit hit the fan. She started screaming at him telling him oh yah waste your money, leave your daughter for that....SLUT! OMFG why did you tell me this? Are you F^&%ing kidding me? He is telling me he can not stay there and we need to talk tonight regarding things....Now I do believe his mother would say this. She has on many occassions when we travel so its not a shock but us talking about him comming home isnt going to happen. He is comming by tonight to talk and will not tell me what about. I already know though its that they come back and we work on things and blah blah blah....This is not going to be good AT ALL!!!

Comments

CrazieCoconut86's picture

OMG! I am so sorry Daisy. I remember the last time you and DH went away for a weekend and MIL started shit.

You can't back down now. If DH needs a place to stay, then he can go crash with a friend. As for SD, you may have mentioned before, but I am not sure. Where is her mother? Can't she go stay with her mother for a while?

3familiesIn1's picture

So, he doesn't want to deal with his mother, instead he you think he wants to discuss moving back in with you now to avoid it all.

Well, he really needs to start putting on his big boy pants and deal with his mother and his daughter - take back his balls and take a stand.

First of all, he needs to correct what she called you and tell her he will not stand for this.
Second, what about him getting his own place for awhile? If you are seriously thinking a couple more years now as you find your life without chaos is suiting you... then an apartment 2 bedrooms is in place. Then DH will have to deal directly with his daughter on top, no SIL or MIL around to lend a hand. One on one direct time.

You can rent apartments month to month if he really feels he can't stand up to his mother and has to run away.

stormabruin's picture

I agree with this. He seems to use his "needs" to break your rules.

Last week he lied to you. You called him on it. He denied lying, & stated that he could not follow through on his discipline with his child.

You told him you weren't going to his place & that you needed some space. Rather than giving you the space you requested he showed up at your door with flowers & a card, spent the night with you & walked out the door with a weekend full of planned events with you.

He can't deal with his child. He can't deal with his mother. He can't abide by your request for space. He can't admit he lied to you. Now he needs to get him & his child back into your home because he can't handle living with his mother?

YOU need him to parent his child. YOU need space for you & your boys without SD's drama. YOU need SD to just treat you with common courtesy.

Really, as long as you keep letting his excuses & his "needs" run over yours, it isn't going to change. SD is manipulating you with her little crybaby tantrums, & he's manipulating you with excuses.

Purplemom's picture

second this. I'm sorry Daisy, but he isn't being very good to you. When does this man not need someone to take care of poor little him? Poor him, she is his daughter, what is he to do? Poor him, his mother is mean, what is he to do? Poor him, his wife won't help him, what is he to do?

WHen are uour needs going to be met? Realyl look at this and ask yourself how many yimes he has manipulated you and controlled you with guilt and inaction.

smdh's picture

Wow. He really needs to start erecting BOUNDARIES. He is an adult and how he spends his money is none of her damn business. I can see him wanting out after what she called you, but I think he is using the situation to say "look, I want away from her because she insulted you but in order to get away you need to take us back". See how he never takes the responsibility of his life himself? It always comes back to you to fix things.

CrazieCoconut86's picture

I agree with smdh and Blue belle. he is going to try and con his way back into your home. Don't let him. He needs to get an apartment or deal with his mother. You are not ready to let him back in, so don't. It doesn't matter how bad things are for him, he really needs to learn to stand on his own two feet.

daisy0202's picture

This is ridiculous and I am leaving work in an hour in a half he says he will be waiting at the house because it is urgent we talk TODAY!!!...W...T....F!!!!!! Wish me luck!!!

stormabruin's picture

Why is it urgent? What will happen if you don't talk today? Is it a matter of life or death, or does he just not want to face his mother again tonight?

Why do everyone's wants/needs come before yours?

I think I'd tell him I had plans tonight & it'd have to wait. Let him learn how to deal with his own crap, rather than being the one he hides behind everytime something less than pleasant arises.

Just because he says you have to doesn't really mean you have to.

ETA: I'd be sure to let him know that you wouldn't be available to talk...urgent or not, until he can bring himself to acknowledge that he outright lied to you...WITHOUT MAKING EXCUSES.

smdh's picture

Wow. You know what? SD is just like HIM! You requst space and he continually violates your wishes and your boundaries. And you let him because you love him. So think about that. That is also why he lets SD violate his boundaries and space. He expects it from eveyrone around him. He will never try to change her behavior because he thinks its normal. His expectation IS that people just drop it and overlook it and let him have their attention on his terms.

stormabruin's picture

The idea of strict rules is good if you have a parent willing to do it, but hardly logical given his failure to discipline even still...unless, of course, Daisy takes it upon herself to be the rule-enforcing parent.

3familiesIn1's picture

mmm Daisy, like father like daughter.

Just how SD manipultes, it seems your SO is just as manipulative as is MIL. Yikes, pattern here or what.

Daisy - its your life, if you give in, be prepared to step back into exactly what you just got out of. If you have decided that is good enough, then so be it, if you want better, hold your ground.

Good luck.

forestfairy's picture

Everybody else's needs obviously trump yours. Who gives a crap if he's mad at his mom (by the way, if I were you I'd never lay eyes on her again for that comment)? If he doesn't want to stay there then him and SD can rent a hotel room or find a cheap apartment for a couple of months.