It’s simple. His kids follow his rules for curfew and you kid follows your rule. You should’ve gone to get him that way your kid would’ve stuck to the curfew that you proposed.

It’s ok for you two to have different rules for your kids. All parents do. I am sure I have rules that you don’t and visa versa.

It sounds like your SO maybe does kind of have a curfew.. but it's set on a basis depending on what the kids are doing? Or does he trust their judgement and they in turn don't go crazy with it?

It sounds like he is willing to a certain extent to be trusted..until such time they prove otherwise. The curfew concept sets a boundary and assumes the child won't necessarily make the best decision on when they should be home on their own.

Curfews certainly have their time and place depending on the responsibility and the age of the child.

My parents actually didn't have a curfew for me after I got to be 14 or so...at least not a preset one, thought they did know when I left and where I was going and generally what time I thought I would be home... expecially in the 14-15 age range. After that I was working and had more latitude.

How to deal when two types of parenting is involved? I guess you can either discuss some lattitude when your son does things with the Skids... or you can see if they will be able to do their activities within your limits and go get your son or not allow him to go otherwise.

You don't get to make this request of your SO, just as he doesn't get to tell your BS that he can stay out all night. Even once you move in together, you can't ask him to do that.

Have a conversation with him. If he won't set a curfew, then you have to decide if this is a deal breaker for living together. That's your only options.

We don’t believe in arbitrary curfews either. Well behaved kids deserve a little autonomy. We set the nights curfew based on the Nights activity and participants. Changes require an immediate check in. So one night the home time might be 8pm, another it might be 2am. I would much rather have open communication with teens over arbitrary rules. That is just my parenting style.

I think you need to do some serious soul searching and see if you can get past this. It isn’t the same as expecting everyone in the house to pitch in and be respectful. This is a parenting decision. Your SO has made a well reasoned decision and it should be respected.

If you don’t want your child in a house with this rule, then don’t move in together. Live separately. Even move close to one another, but maintain separate households.

I'm curious what the ages of all the kids involved is. If your son is much younger.. perhaps 14 vs his kids being 16-18.. I can see that a different relative curfew might be reasonable... but that means your son may be left out of activities that his kids do because you won't allow him to be out as late.

Btw.. midnight is NOT out all night. It is late.. but on a weekend it's not the end of the world for a fairly unusual event like a fair or trip to an amusement park.

I don't think you should try to change the rules for his kids. They will resent it and you will end up with worse problems.

If you don't like how he parents... and think this will negatively impact you.. maybe you should rethink living together for now.

Maybe you could rethink your ideas if your son is old enough to be trustworthy and work through the individual nights with regards to when he should be home?

You're making a mistake in trying to change what he does with his kids. It's not your business. You need to stop.

Not even moved in or married yet, and trying to tell him how to raise his kids and wanting to make the rules. Good luck with that.

It sounds like he is raising responsible kids. They ask his permission and they keep him informed on their whereabouts.

If you want to have a curfew for your son, this is your right, but your SO does not have to implement curfews for his children just because your son has a curfew.

My stepdad did not love the curfew that my mom had for me when I was a teenager. The biggest thing is in my state our license dictated our curfew. If you are under 18 you are not allowed out bast 11 at night unless you have a written form from a job. If you get pulled over you get in trouble.

My mom was pretty easy when I was senior I did not have to be home until 2am. There were times I was late but I always called and told her everything from where I was and who I with. It was a huge trust thing in our family. She trusted me and I was a good kid.

You need to let him have rules for his kids and you can not change it or they will not like you. If you want your son home make him be home. If you trust your son and know he will not do anything you can make a case by case call on when he comes home.

***sigh**** okay look at it this way, you would never try and parent your best friends kids because no matter how close you are they aren't your kids.

My teen years were more than half a century ago - but even back in those dark ages I did not have a curfew. But I knew that I better be able to explain where I'd been and what I'd been doing. It was all based on common sense - not an arbitrary time.

Then do not move in together. My OSS did not have a curfew. From 12 yrs old the honor student would get a phone call and TELL his father he would be skipping dinner and head out to shoot hoops with his friends. I told DH (visiting pre marriage at the time) that this was a little presumptive. He said he and his ex had not been given any reason not to trust him and they would deal with that when the time came. The time came 4 yrs later when he was smoking dope and drinking before school because he did not have any boundaries or expectations than to do well in school. I just sat back and didn't say a word.

When you get together with someone and you both have kids there has to be some give and take. Some rules you ease up on and some rules you enforce. I think it is hilarious that this no curfew idea came about based on some guy in their late mothers past that she once dated who had a curfew. So it was embarrassing. What was embarrassing? To be where you had to be at a certain time? Or that all fun was curtailed because you had to be home?

This is easy - you raise your kid the way you want to and you leave ?H to raise his kids the way he sees fit.

I was in the same situation, my kid had rules and he had to stay with it, SO's daughter had no rules, she could stay out till when ever since she was 13... Deigma got angry a couple off times cause he's 4 years older, I simply smiled and said, I'm not her mother and SO is not your father, this is my rules, step back in line or deal with the consequences...

Now years later.... SO is struggling with his 18 year old who thinks she's an adult, and sponges off him like crazy, she never had any rules, never learned to respect your elders, just got suspended from school, 2 weeks before her final exams, she can write but she's not allowed to be in revision classes... Deigma is a stable young man who knows there's consequences for your actions and he's doing great, SO told me he wished Deigma was his kid and Aergia mine, cause he can't handle her... I laughed and said - Told you children needs rules and boundaries, it's your fault not hers and there's nothing you can do about it now

Oh wow…I bet your SO will start to see better now, why his wife and him put this “restriction” on him bringing another woman to his house with their kids.

You are not even living together and you are trying to tell him how to raise his kids. Guess how well that is going to go over with him AND his kids. They may be all nice to you at this time, but I guarantee you that if you make your SO put a curfew on them, they will make your life a living hell and your SO will bow out because it will be too hard to let you control him and his kids.

There is no reason the kids can’t have different rules. When we all lived together, the only common rule for our kids were the chores. Other than that, DH set rules for SS and I did the same for my kids. DH was much more lenient than me. And it still worked.

Tread carefully girl. This man is already probably feeling guilty about his deceased wife anyway and you are not going to help once you try to control him and his kids.

He's not going to change his parenting just because you don't like what he's doing... he's making his kids happy. I know it's hard to understand for some people.

FYI, it's not your place to decide when HIS children come home. Set all the curfews you want for your own child. Leave his alone. If he's comfortable with no curfews, you shouldn't even think about interfering.

I think the heart of the matter is you want "alone time". Welcome to the world of parenthood. You get it when you can. But he will dump your butt for trying to control how he parents. You already have preconceived ideas of the Brady bunch. Let it go. And leave them be.

I think you mistyped when you said you are trying to "blend" your families, because to me it sounds like you are trying to BEND your SO into doing what YOU want. YOU want to move in together, YOU want him to remarry, YOU want his kids to have a curfew. Why fix something that ain't broke? His kids are good kids, he trusts them, they respect him... why mess with that?

If you wanted your kid home at 9 pm, you should have gone and got him, not declared that EVERYONE should be home at 9. Your kid your rules, his kids his rules.