Sorry I didn't come back yesterday
But I started looking at flights and then the big wigs came back into the office and I couldn't get back online. I wasn't able to get my son a flight and get him down there. So he has missed the trip. Dh and I aren't speaking and yet he seems fine and I want to throw things at him.
I know that most of you think I caused this but I didn't. I could not leave work. Yes they showed up unannounced and maybe with another boss I could have left or asked a co-worker (I work an hour away with no traffic. 1 1/2 with traffic)but with my boss, no. I couldn't if I value my job and I do.
I disengaged from his kids. His dd is horrible. The boys are only slightly tolerable. I did what I read about here. Back off and make dad completely responsible for his kids. I did that. As for the putting my car before his dd? HELL YES! I paid a shit load for that car and she would happily ruin it. I don't regret that decision at all. Dh is all butthurt because I am not doing for him or his kids anymore. He has to feed them and do laundry and clean. I went from running around to relaxed. It's nice. I don't understand honestly why people were so upset about my decision to disengage. Isn't that what you people always say? Not my kid not my circus. Bm was going to get that hellion anyway. I didn't need to do it. Bm was available and did go get her.
Yes I expect my husband to have my back. When I have an emergency I expect him to help me. That isn't asking to much. If he has one that doesn't involve his kids I gladly help. I am just not putting myself into that position again.
Like I said dh seems fine like nothing is bothering him. My son refused to eat last night and his eyes were swollen and he was pissed off. I just can't believe this happened! Stepkids are running around fine and happy and they don't care my son is hurting. They even asked him to move his suitcase out of the living room so they could vacuum. Anyone with a heart would have just moved it for him. I am so angry at all of them. You may not think I have a right to be but I am. ALL of them for this. I just wanted to give an update since someone said i disengaged from the post. I have to leave here soon but I should be on in the morning.
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Comments
I'll say it again - your DH
I'll say it again - your DH hates your guts and he has zero respect for you. How can you live with that?
Well, can you still use your
Well, can you still use your tickets? I'm an hour an half from Universal. yall could stay with me or I can help you get cheap Florida Resident tickets for you. Heck I could have met him at the plane and dropped him off with his classmates. I know its too late at this point cause it was a 4 day trip that started two days ago. But those tickets usually don't expire for like 6 months. I hope you can make it up to him. They are opening the new King Kong ride July 4th.
I for one agree with you.
Yup. The "isn't that what you
Yup. The "isn't that what you people always say" part sealed it for me.
"Yes I expect my husband to
"Yes I expect my husband to have my back. When I have an emergency I expect him to help me. That isn't asking to much. If he has one that doesn't involve his kids I gladly help. I am just not putting myself into that position again."
Wait, so you still expect him to help you out in a pinch, when it has something to do with YOUR kid, but you will not help him out when he has an emergency with his kid?
You didn't learn anything from us the other day, did you??
I'm with moving_on - I am not buying this for one second.
^^^YEP^^^ OP, you CANNOT be
^^^YEP^^^
OP, you CANNOT be mad at your DH for taking the EXACT same position you are. You will not help with his kids under ANY circumstance and he won't help you with yours.
I think that a lot of people on her don't have 100% hard line disengagement especially when it comes to minor children in the home. You can still cook dinner for the household and as a result feed his kids at the same time that yours are being fed for example. By completely refusing, you put him in a position that HE could completely refuse.
Your kid missed his trip because of decisions YOU made with your DH. He missed it because you had no contingency plan in place to deal with the possibility that you aren't available to do something for him when you are unexpectedly working later than planned etc.
I won't even get into the possibility that DH is disengaged from your son because he could act entitled, rude or be irritating as so many other posters say about their stepkids.
YUP, this cannot be real. I
YUP, this cannot be real. I have a hard time believing anyone would think this is OK.
And the bit about the SKs not moving her son's suitcase out of the way so that they could vacuum, confirmed it for me. Those awful, lazy....SKs are actually doing chores :jawdrop: :jawdrop: but she has an issue with them asking her kid to move his crap. Not buying it.
Oh Boy, here we go again.
Oh Boy, here we go again. Both of you need therapy or a divorce lawyers. How is any of this good for any of the kids?
The issue is not that you
The issue is not that you disengaged. The issue is that you disengaged and expect your husband to still be engaged with your son. It's a double standard. Why can't you see that?
Yep - when I got divorced, I
Yep - when I got divorced, I had a back up transportation plan AND a back up for that plan
If I knew somebody needed to be somewhere, I made a plan and then another plan and then put the neighbor kid on call - because that's what you do when you're a parent.....
You figure stuff out!!
I am fairly disengaged. I don't do any transportation - except when DH is in a jam and asks me to help. That much I can do...
Too bad you didn't call your
Too bad you didn't call your kid so that he could have called someone else on the trip and gotten a ride.
Yes, your kid is going to be mad. He missed the trip.
It's going to take him a while to get over it.
And he certainly won't get over it while the trip is still going on.
You've learned some lessons. Disengagement works both ways. Always have a back up plan.
Who would you be blaming if
Who would you be blaming if there were no husband? Or if your husband was also working and 1 1/2hrs away?
Seems strange to me that a busload of kids would be pulling out for Orlando from Tennessee late afternoon to begin with. Kid bus trips around my area going any real distance (and having to accommodate lunch/dinner stops) pull out between 6-8am.
True. Some parents don't have
True. Some parents don't have a spouse/SO or an bio-parent ex to depend on or even assist in a pinch/emergency. Still, even kids with a lone parent manage to get sick children somehow home from school and go on field trips.
Not sure what point she's trying to throw out, directly or indirectly, but the unintentional one coming out is of course anything can happen at anytime and parents need to take responsibility and be prepared (back-up plan , secondary back-up).
I find this 'story' hard to
I find this 'story' hard to believe because I would have done everything possible to make sure my kid got to go on that trip. Can you imagine for how long that poor kid was excited about this??
I'm not sure the DH chose the right time to play the tit-for-tat card...it's the kid who is suffering, (supposedly).
Right? Even if the bosses
Right? Even if the bosses showed up unexpectedly, there was NO TIME to make a quick call to the neighbor? Another parent whose kid was going on the trip? Grandma, auntie, someone??
IF this happened to me, I would have handled it this way...
hey, nice to see you...oh, a meeting tonight? Sure, just need to find someone to take my kid to his field trip.....
*called everyone I knew until I made this happen*
It's not that hard, really......
Not that I believe this crap, but for the sake of argument, this is how I would handle it.
It's like reading a bad
It's like reading a bad novel. IF this is real (and I've got an entire can of doubt...):
OP, YOU are at fault. YOU disengaged from your skids and refused to pick one up who was sick and PUKING. In retaliation (because that's what high school mentalities do), your husband disengaged from your kids.
So you are both disengaged and not doing anything for one another's kids, but you expect your husband to take your kid somewhere? YOUR kid wasn't puking. Your husband was PO'd. Tough gazongas.
If you can actually work through this and make your marriage work, you need to re-prioritize. I'm disengaged from my skids, but if one of them was PUKING? Yes, I'd go get them. Puke can be cleaned up. This kind of damage to a marriage? Not so much.
You're taking the
You're taking the "disengagement" too far-That's what everyone is hooting and hollering about. You can disengage-you should to an extent-however you need to engage enough to support your DH if you expect to remain together-maybe not for his kids, but for him. You need to find a middle ground and putting your feet in the sand and refusing to budge will not benefit you at all, whatsoever.