Really starting to worry…
I have been forced into making the ultimatum “either they go, or I do” I hated doing it… I hated the fact that my husband wouldn’t do anything unless I said that… but now I’m starting to worry…
His son is supposed to start giving us money EVERY month (again, we’ve tried this before, we’ve gotten ‘rent’ three times)
DH neglected to tell me the first time when his son stopped giving him rent… I would have insisted on doing something RIGHT THEN AND THERE but he just didn’t tell me.
Six months after the G/F moved in, I made a comment about the 3,000 that we would have in the bank toward their moving out and he came clean, told me he had 1,000… I almost completely lost it.
He’s given us $500 one more time since then
DH never gave his son a “due date” for the rent this time he “put his foot down” (in other words, I forced the issue) … I told him, you HAVE to tell him when we expect the money, otherwise he’s just going to blow his paycheck every week like he’s been doing forever and then when you ask for the rent, he simply won’t have the money… then it’ll be yet ANOTHER month before we start this over again…
And if we don’t start TAKING the money from them, they’ll never have enough money to move out
I keep getting “yeah you’re right” or “I haven’t seen him to talk to him, but as soon as I do, I’ll let him know” from my husband
It is July 10… he told his son on June 15th that he expected money starting this month… I know his son, he hasn’t saved anything to give to us…
I’m worried that in ten months…when I said they absolutely have to be out, or I go…. they’ll still be here, with no ability/intention of leaving.
I really don't want to leave my husband, I love him
- cpreston's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
i have never given an
i have never given an ultimatum without being prepared for it to so called not go my way. When I have gotten to the point of giving one, i was totally at my wits end and was pretty much ready to throw in the towel myself. The ultimatum is the "last chance" thing I was given. If the person didn't choose right, as sad as it was, it really was for the best. Obviously the person was really screwing me over if i had to give them an ultimatum.
You have to be prepared to follow through with YOUR ultimatum if the choice doesn't go the way you hoped. To not follow through, renders you more powerless than before you gave it.
You are going to have to be
You are going to have to be the evil Stepmother in this case and actually force his hand. Our SD is supposed to give us $200 every two weeks to help reimburse us for daycare costs since we have temporary guardianship of her son.
DW is reluctant to ask for the money, so what I've started doing is asking SD myself while DW is present in the room. I know it pisses both of them off, but I don't give a shit anymore. If I don't ask for it, DW will just let it slide. Also that way, you KNOW that the conversation was had so you're not just taking your DH's word for it. You need to start DEMANDING the money yourself.
I would start packing boxes
I would start packing boxes now, either he'll get the hint and start collecting rent or you'll be totally ready to go in 10 months. Leave IKEA catalogs around with furniture circled that you're going to buy for your new place and apartment listings in the printer. And DON'T BLUFF, get out if they don't.
He knocked her up… she came
He knocked her up… she came down to visit us on vacation two years ago and sprung it on him that she was pregnant
(coincidentally, most of her girlfriends were either already knocked up or already had babies at that point… but it was an “accident” right?)
When she was six months pregnant, her mother decided to short sell her house and move in with HER boyfriend…. Sorry Honey, no room for you there… the G/F was 19, so DH said “we can’t let her mother turn her out on the street… that’s our grandbaby”
so I acquiesced and said they could move in, till the baby was born, and they had a few months to get on their feet… a few months turned into two and a half years now
there has always been an excuse… so she went back to school and is getting her degree
I said when she graduates, they’re out… I’ll put up with this as long as she’s in school and getting an education, so that she has the ABILITY to get a job to help support their ‘household’
And yeah…it’s pathetic, but we have to TAKE money from them for them to save it… when we left them to their own devices to allow them to save it… every last red cent of every last paycheck got spent
Once they move out (if they move out) it’s not our problem anymore
I wouldn’t even be so adamant about all of this if they contributed something to the household
They don’t
They don’t cook
They don’t clean
They don’t help
They don’t lift a finger for anyone but themselves
They leave their crap on the high chair in the dining room, on the back of chairs, on the table… I throw it up the stairs onto the 3rd floor… over and over again, I have to THROW their shit up to their room
They do NOTHING but take
Take take take take take
They use our washer and dryer
They eat our food (but they don’t sit down to meals with us, instead they buy takeout every single night for “dinner”)
They run a window air conditioner when we have central air, “because the 3rd floor gets so hot and the baby can’t sleep”
They invite their friends over to watch Wrestling on Monday nights.. and my husband says “I don’t want to make him feel like he can’t have a friend over”
WHY NOT?!?!?
They turn the heat up in the house during the winter and they turn the air down in the house during the summer and when I ask “who touched the thermostat” they look around like “not me!”
My husband is not oblivious to this, he just has coddled his son. They had hardship I get that, but my SD has even said to him… you are doing him more harm than good, by not forcing him to take responsibility for himself
He spends money on the most STUPID SHIT! Wrestling t-shirts…. Decals for the back of his car… how fucking old are you? My 13 year old daughter thinks it’s childish and immature… THIRTEEN and she says “that’s really childish”
And my husband makes excuses…”it wasn’t expensive”
Really?
Because if it were me…hell it WAS me once and I didn’t have a fucking dime to waste!
I met a guy with one kid that
I met a guy with one kid that was just off to college and one kid who was just learning how to drive
The daughter went to college and never really looked back (okay she still has her collection of “precious moments” figurines at our house… I kinda used to feel like it was her keeping one foot in the door, but I realized after a while, it’s just because she honestly didn’t want to move them around with her everywhere she went… LOL)
She’s rented apartments and rented houses near school since her first year at college… and worked… she now has her Masters Degree (she paid for the Masters) and is considering getting her PhD!
SS never really left…the only thing that was even remotely like living on his own was the three quarters of one semester that he spent away at college… when he called his Daddy crying that he had to come home… he hasn’t left since!
Never in my life did I anticipate this
I am going to have to start looking at my own finances, I have money in savings, but it’s for younger DD’s college fund… I’d hate to have to take money from that… it’d set me back off my schedule by quite a chunk of change… I have the really dreaded feeling that in ten months… it’ll be me and my kid packing our bags…
I pray not
it's both of ours now... it
it's both of ours now... it was his house when we met. Before we got married, he put my name on everything