Difficulty adjusting to step motherhood
I recently got married to the most wonderful man BUT he is a single father of an immature 16 year old. She only sees her mom once a year during holidays. They are not close at all. I am a little younger than my husband and I have raised my kids already and now it feels like I'm starting again. I know he came with baggage but I didn't think I would be doing this alone. The COVID-19 happed and I work from home over 6 months plus no school. So me and my SD been locked in thr house. He works all the time (now he switch to night shift) and I am the only caregiver! Have to take her to school/ sport practices, dealing with her boy crazy stage!! Sleepovers!? What 16 year old still has sleepovers?! I am emotionally drained!! She's not a bad kid but she needs a parent (mother) in her life. Short time we've been together I've taught her how to wash clothes, how to prep meals, how to clean including her personal hygiene!! I'm drained!! Need some advice in how to keep going!! My husband is totally worth it!! He is a gem!! I keep telling myself 2 more years and hopefully when she graduates high school she will go to college far away or join the Air Force.
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You got married, you didn't
You got married, you didn't have a kid. HE is the parent and should be doing all that you have been... after all, he did it before you were around.
He should NOT have switched shifts.
Marrying him does not mean he gets to dump his parental responsibility on you.
He use to have help from
He use to have help from friends and family. Now since I'm home it feels like the responsibility is mine. I feel overwhelmed and he knows it. He said it will be only a temporary change then he will go back to day shift. I notice my attitude towards him has changed. I am stressed. I know that marrying him meant being involved in the parenting but I feel I am the only parent. Thank you all for your comments. It's good to know I'm not alone
Nope
Marrying him did NOT mean being involved in parenting. What would he do if you weren't there? If that 16-year-old needs parenting while he's not home, he needs to figure out how to be there. He works nights. Does he sleep the other 16 hours? She should be sleeping while he's not there and capable of taking care of herself while he's asleep. Disengage from her and make him be the parent. You're off the hook on this one, she's his not yours.
How to keep going
If you find out, please let us all know! Lol.
Take some more time for yourself, easy for a stranger to say, harder when your plate is already full. But i would hyperconcentrate on myself a little. Need to redo your manicure earlier than usual? Been wanting to test a different eye makeup technique? Wear your better clothes, even if you are staying home. Cook something special. Go to bed early. Whatever you can do for YOU.
I don't think this is the be all answer but it migjt help you feel less oppressed. You are right, only 2 more years and she doesn't sound like a bad kid.
I applaud you for all you've done for her. We all know it's a thankless job. One thought that helped me get thru it all was that living with and helping raise his kids made DH and me closer than if it hadn't occurred, I'm sure the same is true for you. Good luck!
Thank you for the advice. It
Thank you for the advice. It's definitely a thankless job. I do feel bad for her (SD) she never had a mother figure. Her mother was an addict who put her child in harms way until dad finally won custody of her. Some days are easier for me than others.
He recently gets married, has
He recently gets married, has a built in caretaker, then switches to nights so he rarely sees his annoying daughter. LOL! He got you honey. Such a gem *eyeroll* DH 1, OP 0.
Hang in there
He says his shift change is temporary, that's good. I'm sure he appreciates your efforts. Just hang in there