A Scene and DH's Decision
DH saw BM yesterday. He ran into her while we were out shopping for Thanksgiving. We are staying in BM's home state for the next few days since our families are here. We didn't approach her. In fact, we turned and went down another aisle. She followed, telling him she needed to talk to him. When he told her they could talk later, she started nagging him immediately, calling him a child abuser and telling him all the things SD11 apparently told her. DH didn't engage. He just said, "okay" and started to walk away. She continued to chase after us in the store and demanded that we leave SD9 and SD11 with her. DH told her that he was not leaving SD9. Then she told him, you can only have her back if you sign something, to which DH replied, "No, I am not signing anything." She told him she would not turn over the SDs if he didn't. To which he replied, "then I will get the police and come pick them up wit the CO." SD11 was with her and she was smirking the entire time this was going on.
We decided to leave, so we set our stuff down and started to walk out. At this point, SD11 jumped in with BM and started yelling child abuser at DH. She told him that they called CPS and she told them all the things he did to her. It was highly embarrassing and we were walking really fast to get out of the store. At the end of all this, SD11 screamed (in front of a store full of people.) "You abused me and I hate you. Go to hell."
Of course, BM was encouraging this. When we got to the car, he turned to me and said, "I've lost her. I am going to let her go. If we bring her back, this is going to continue."
I really didn't say anything. He was upset, trying not to cry. I just held his hand. I don't know if he will change his mind, but he didn't seem like that was an option. I just don't understand how a child can talk to their own dad that way. And, how a mom can sit there and encourage that behavior...
- CompletelyPuzzled's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
oh, completely, how sad for
oh, completely, how sad for you and your DH.
I don't understand it either, I really don't know why or how these women can do such damage to their kids.
I foresee a lot of hand holding in your future.
I am so sorry
I am so sorry, what a mess
I am so sorry, what a mess for you and your dh.
The sad thing is she will probably realize what she has done when she is an adult and you will get to watch as he forgives her and you get thrown back in the pot.
That is just crazy. I am not
That is just crazy.
I am not one of those stepparents or people who think that a relationship with a child is feasible in all circumstances. In those situations where one parent launches allegations of false abuse of the child launches allegations of false abuse, then game over.
Those kids become adults who actually start to believe that nonsense and reek havok well into adulthood as well. There are consequences to actions.
Your situation is a toxic one. For a child to scream that is terrible.
I'm sorry. Reading this hurt
I'm sorry. Reading this hurt my heart. Maybe BM'S hatred will rot her inside out.
you seriously need to get the
you seriously need to get the professionals involved..I know false allegations are a scary thing..but if your dh enables the bm to keep this up...and does not expose her for the lie that it is...it will make him look guilty, and the 11 year old may actually end up believing it some day...it is called pas ing...dr childress has some videos to help you...they are now recognizing this as a real problem with divorced relationships...this is child abuse...it is illegal...it is mental and emotional and psychological abuse...it may be a rough ride for a minute...but you need to expose this abusive mother for what she is doing to the children. There is no love in it...none at all...the kids have no clue what they are being exposed to and marinated in...the 11 year old is just doing what is expected and will probably be rewarded later....covertly of course...
It is not natural for a child to not want to be with their biological parent at all...The desire for a child to be with there bio parent is as fundamental as our desire to eat and reproduce...this is a symptom of how damaged that child already is....do not fool yourselves into thinking this will automatically go away as the child gets older...if you do not step in and do an intervention now...the child will learn that this is"normal" It will become her "way" and if you think life is hell now...try dealing with this baggage coming from a 40 year old with a 5 year old emotional level...trust me....he needs to take some severe steps to do everything he can while he can still do something....
the bm is a malignant narcissistic personality disorder on steroids....She has no boundaries and is walking all over the two of you...you have to get to a point where you say enough is enough...Her behavior is wwaayyyy overreaching...no no no no no no no......this is not acceptable...now is not the time to lay down and retreat....peace
I agree if a parent does
I agree if a parent does something to a child to severe the relationship between them is one thing, or is a psychologically unhealthy person ...but if the dh has done nothing to this child...she naturally would not be turning against him unless she was being coached to...
Getting the professionals
Getting the professionals involved was my first thought too. This story makes me so sad for everyone involved except for the bitch who caused this.
To Completely Puzzled:
Ideally, SD11 should be taken from BM and put in a facility to receive immediate psychiatric care. Both parents should be involved and part of the treatment.
There should only be supervised visits for your DH’s protection as well as SD’s protection from BM. The visits should be monitored by the psychologist to record the interactions and get a good feel for what is actually going on.
Can you get witness accounts to the supermarket fiasco and then get an emergency order? I would use as an argument the damage that has already been done to SD11 and the effects on SD9. If something isn’t done, SD9 WILL be next!
Did you read about this case?
Did you read about this case? I wonder what's happened to them?
http://www.detroitnews.com/story/news/local/oakland-county/2015/07/09/si...
This really sucks and I am so
This really sucks and I am so sorry that you and your DH are going through this.
Something needs to be done, BM should not get away with this.
Meet up with BM to get a copy
Meet up with BM to get a copy of those papers she's insisting DH sign. The papers could possibly be something that you may use against her in court.
Also, have your video (secretly) going and record all and maybe you can get something there?
I feel bad for your DH, SD9 and you. SD11 should know better.
I also wonder what she had had to deal with from BM to get to this point and for that I do feel bad for SD11.
I hope your DH can do something to get BM away from both SDs.
If this happened in the
If this happened in the store...they probably have a video...I would see if I could get a copy of it and or mark the date and have the court saphena it from them...it won't take long to make a case to take immediate action if she has escalated this far already...
Horrible!!! I am so so so
Horrible!!! I am so so so sorry for what you guys are going through - if dh HAS to walk away, sometimes there really is no other option. But I hope for everyone elses's sake, there is another way. Don't turn your whole lives upside down playing the custody game, is my advice...kids do grow up and start to see through things.
When my ss was 5, we started experiencing his bm accusing us of 'violating' him because we cut his hair very short - it was to his waist and he got head lice 3 times. We tried to reach her, but could not and finally just cut his hair. You would think we had cut off his privates or something the way she reacted, screaming, accusing us of abuse, etc. Over hair. Then it just got worse, we were in a visitation study at the time, and I simply was stunned and shocked what she would say and get the freako social worker to believe. SS's daycare provider wrote an afadavit about BM's behavior, and BM started having ss tell stories about HER that were unbelievable - poor kid was so confused. Finally, my dh stopped visitation just to avoid having ss torn apart like this. It was probably a mistake, but at the time, we just didn't know what to do. He's grown now and we have a good relationship for the most part (dh started visitation again when ss was 7 - but insisted on supervision at first so he could SHOW the system that he was a safe loving dad, without any chance of her accusing him of anything.) It worked, and she eventually calmed down, but I thought I was gonna die from heart failure every time she would call or whatever.