But my mom never calls me...
Tonight, I was eating dinner at the table with SD9. DH was working so it was just the two of us. Suddenly, she asks me why I call my bios every night when they are with their dad. I explained to her that I miss them and like to hear about their day. She didn't say anything for a while, but then she said, "You see bios every week. My mom only sees me in the summer and on Christmas. She doesn't call me."
She didn't ask a question. It was just a statement of fact, but it broke my heart a little. Its true that we don't give kids enough credit. I really didn't think she noticed that BM didn't call. The truth is that BM hasn't called once since SD12 returned to live with her. She used to call all the time. SD12 is her special friend...that is what she thinks of her as, a friend, not her child. I get the impression that SD9 has always come second. I don't really understand it. I always call my kids when they are with their dad and I see them all the time.
I told DH that I think he should bring this up to SD9's therapist, because she seems to be struggling with it. He agreed. It just makes me so frustrated. What kind of mom doesn't want to call her kid? I guess I will never understand.
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That was never my intent...to
That was never my intent...to make her feel like I love my kids more than her mom loves her. The truth was that I really didn't think about it. I love SD9 and can't believe that BM doesn't call her. I had just gotten off the phone with my kids and I thought that was why she was asking. She seems so happy and carefree most of tie time that it is easy to forget the year she has had. It was so out of the blue...
My response to her was that I am glad she is always here and I don't have to call her because I would miss having her to talk too. I have really been trying to be as involved with her as I can. She is very shy (as am I) and we have had a hard time bonding, but I feel that bridge is being built slowly. Once I responded to her, I steered the conversation to something less serious and made her laugh.
wow - finally found something
wow - finally found something on which we don't agree.
Why should OP have to lie about her kids being troublemakers when they aren't?
Why should OP cover BM's tracks?
Trust me, from personal experience, I can tell you that that little girl IS sitting there thinking that her mom doesn't love her or care about her all day - and not because of anything OP said or didn't say.
DH called her therapist this
DH called her therapist this morning and set up an appointment so she can discuss it with her. I hate that she has to see this side of her mom, especially when I know how much SD9 misses her. If I didn't already despise BM, I would after this.
I agree. It's easy to be
I agree. It's easy to be kind when you agree with someone, but when you don't, I think some people fool themselves into thinking that it's kind to pretend to agree, or to cover up the truth with some pretty window decorations.
It would be cruel to tell SD9 - I call my kids every day and your mom doesn't call you because I love them more than your mom loves you.
It would be lazy (IMHO) to tell SD9 - I call my kids every day to keep an eye on them - while pretending this is sufficient to address what she's looking for in the situation the OP described.
It would be honest, and very, very loving, to tell SD - I call my kids every day because I like to connect with them every day. I feel like it's my job as a parent to make sure I'm involved in their lives and to take care of them. I don't know why your mom doesn't have the same idea about how to be a good parent because you're certainly a great kid. But people are all different, and that can be hard to accept when it's your mom not calling you like you might think she should. I hope you know that being angry or hurt by your mom doesn't change the love that you feel too, so you just go ahead and feel what you feel.
I know this is about SD and
I know this is about SD and her mom never calling her but why are you talking to your kids every night when they are with their dad?
I've read lots of SMs on here complaining about BM never leaving the kids alone, not allowing anything to happen in their kids life without them. I seem to remember one skid walking around the house facetiming BM and showing her the whole house. SM was livid and so were most of the SMs on here.