Superbowl Party...Didn't know we were having one...
But low and behold, we did.
Who was invited you ask? Why BM and her new(ish) boyfriend...of course.
Who made the guest list? BM did...once again inviting herself into my perfect little world.
DH, in an effort to keep the peace, obliged...but giving me a chance to offer an out. He said he would say no and take the blame if I REALLY wanted to.
Instead of saying no, I ordered wings and bought some fun snacks and bought beer. A LOT of beer.
I drank and DH drank more. BM didn't drink much and her BF gave me a speech on how he's NEVER been drunk and has NEVER done drugs and he is ALWAYS in control. I just laughed and said "yeah, me neither..." BF turned out to be kind of a douche bag. He's a cross between Shrek and Napolean Dynamite. Kind of an asshole but also kind of a nerd, but you kind of like him. Little bit pretentious as well. But whatever.
I'm usually quite pleasant where BM is concerned, but being tired of her constant self inviting...I let down my "always do what's right" and "for the greater good, cater to the beast" mentality.
I defended DH vehemently when she started making fun of his tattoo. Then told a story of when I got my tattoo that I know hurt her feelings...because it was of a time when she was begging for DH to take her back and we were on our first vacation together in Florida at the time. (Good times.) I sat on my husband's lap and whispered in his ear how much I loved him.
A shadow appeared and it was cast upon her face. Tears welled up in her eyes and she excused herself.
Please understand that I usually am VERY reserved, only because it fulfills a greater need. In BM's jaded mind, DH and I really don't exist. I cater to that thought process only because it seems to calm her projected rage. I don't need to flaunt it and I choose not to because I have found in the past that I can be a trigger to a very irrational confrontation that has nothing to do with nothing. My handwriting has been the cause of such an outburst. And thru this denial and my willingness to restrict my PDA, I think she has convinced herself that we are merely roommates.
Not on Sunday...I was in MY home. The moment she crossed the threshold of the place that I bought with MY very own money before DH ever moved in, the rules changed.
I acted as though she were any guest in my home. I defended my husband when he was being made fun of. I hugged my husband and smiled at him when he made me laugh and winked when I caught him staring...just like I would at any other moment and if she would have been ANYBODY else. I drank the night away and cared less who was sitting ten feet away.
I was me.
They left the minute the game was over, not a moment later. 
I do believe that I fixed my problem though. I doubt she'll invite herself into my home again. I feel sorry for DH...well, a little. I wouldn't want to endure the wrath that's come about since Sunday night.
Oh well....Suck on that. 
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Comments
at least u got to watch my Steelers WIN!!!
honestly though, this is completely inappropriate. how many times is DH gonna use the excuse that its all "in an effort to keep the peace"??? being civil for the kids and indulging her is one thing, but inviting herself into ur home is a HUGE imposition, and one that shouldnt be placed on u. the more he obliges her, the more she will take.
at least u put her in her place by being urself and making her uncomfortable...:)
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
Yikes...
I was rooting for the Cardinals.
DH is learning, Bells. Last time he said yes and then said that he would make sure it was okay with me. This time, he said he would think about it and then take the blame if I decided they shouldn't come.
I wasn't trying to make her uncomfortable. I acted like I would if my own mother was sitting there. Seriuosly, I just didn't extend my usual "catering to BM because she's bipolar" courteousy.
I really do think I solved the problem though.
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley
oh i didnt mean to imply that
just like u said, u were urself. and u shouldnt have to cater to her illness. going out of ur way to make her uncomfortable is one thing, but holding back on who u are or not having a good time bc of her is another. u absolutely did the rite thing. im just glad it did the trick!
oh and u know that being from the burgh i bleed black and gold! im so sad i couldnt enjoy the victory w my friends
but i'll take it anyway!
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
I cannot imagine
Having BM over for any party!!! Oh my goodness!
My DH is in a band and when BM's SO was alive (and they were engaged) -she asked DH if his band would play at their wedding!!! I could not believe it! Can you imagine-a few glasses of wine and I would have been quite the "wedding singer"-thankfully that never happened!
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
Go you!
Wasn't that a great game, by the way?
My Tampa Bay Bucs didn't make it, but I'm glad the Steelers won.
Anyway!
You rock. I'd be uber pissed if DH invited warthog into my home. Lucky for me, though, BM won't step into my house anymore. Otherwise, if she did come over for a little party, I'd probably put rat poison in her bowl of nacho cheese.
I admire you, Colorado Girl for your awesomeness.
Good for you..I dont think I
Good for you..I dont think I couled do it, but then again I may have enjoyed it alittle.
I know BM would love to come to our house and take a look around for herself. That day will never come.
I think you came out the better person, and she will certainly think twice before she does another self-invite
Oh, she'll
return....they always do! Hot and cold. Good for you though! I wouldn't have changed the way I behaved in my home either!
Don't say that!
I don't want her to come back.
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley
i agree, u were the bigger person
YET AGAIN
a better woman than i, u are.
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
Who's crying now?
Like yours, my h's ex has had tears well up in her eyes at the sight of us holding hands or just standing close or whatever. She has looked so pathetic that I actually felt sorry for her. I just have to remember that she treated him like dirt when they were married. Where were the tears then? Some women need to grow up and realize that they can't have the undying love of every man in the room where ever they go. My husband and I are together now -- she had her chance. Get a life already!
I have to remind myself...
of such things as well.
BM did some horrible things to DH while they were married and while they were going thru a divorce.
It's my first instinct to have sympathy though. Just can't help myself.
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley
Good for you
I couldnt even grasp that thought in my head having bm in my house i dont even want her on my street!!!You are a strong person for allowing that but im glad you reminded her in your own little way she was on your turf.
CG,
I don't blame you one bit. She was in YOUR home. At your party, of course you are going to love on your husband. If she doesn't like and it makes her cry she shouldn't invite herself to your house. Maybe she'll stop that now, sounds like she will.
PS...I bought a picture the other day and it's the same one as your avatar! I didn't even notice it, my DH did!
******Mountain Dew and Beer is what makes me a better step mom.
*******
I guess we all struggle with the line....
between being ourselves and not wanting to make waves/hurt someone (even if they deserve it).
I've had trouble with the same thing and I salute you for how you handled it. Last summer DH hosted a reunion barbecue for old friends in his home town (where BM lives). She brought SS down and then proceeded to stay at the party! I couldn't believe it. Neither could DH--he was pissed. I remember when DH was introducing me to a newcomer, I wanted him to tone it down when saying "this is my WIFE" because she was standing nearby all big ears. Didn't want to rub it into her face.
Last time she brought SS and SD to my home I stayed in the office. I just couldn't bring myself to sit front and center in the living room with them all laughing and everything. I wanted DH to have a few minutes with his kids (hardly ever saw them) but she had to be there.
In a couple of weeks we are going back up north to see SD's baby son and I know it will be a test of my nerves. DH wants me to be front and center but when faced with SILs and BM's depressed negative attitudes, I just want to run. It's so weird feeling like you don't really belong. Sucks.
I need some of your boldness, Colorado girl. Hey, if you live there, my DD does too, works at Copper.
This was literally the FIRST time...
in my situation that I just interjected myself AS myself in any given situation.
I'm like you, I don't feel the need to "rub it in her face". It just causes too much drama for me. It's not boldness really...it's just being pushed so far that I finally drew the line in the sand and said hey, you asked to invade my home...this is how it's going to be.
I DO live in Colorado. I've been to Copper...a couple times.
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley
BM has been to celebrations at our house
a whole two times. I never once really spoke to her. I was cordial asked her if she wanted this or that and such, but there were plenty of other people, FH's family there who were nice enough to act like they could stand being around her that I didn't have to. Once was Thanksgiving and the second time was a kind of big BBQ. She brought her then BF. At one point, FH's aunt asked BM "Is that a baby in your belly?" And sure enough she admitted to being pregnant. She then went inside my house and proceeded to tell a friend of ours that she plans to get back together with FH. WTF??? Disregard the fact that you're crazy and he never loved you, why the hell would FH want to raise anymore of your bastard kids lady? He already took on one for the sake of his.
So anyway, friend comes out and tells me, "You should watch out for her."
I just told her jealousy is not my thing. If that's what he wants, then I figure there is no loss on my part and I think I know him a little better than that.
But for the rest of the night, after having restricted my PDA's for her sake before such BS came out of her mouth, I made sure to love on FH every chance I got in front of her and if was like you said, nothing to make anyone uncomfortable just like I normally would with him and the depressed, pathetic look on her face sitting next to the loser who knocked her up was PRICELESS!!!
She hasn't paid any social calls to our house since - and it's been two years.