Well, I am going to plant my self in your shoes. What if this were me?

If I were you, I think it would bother me that this bothers HIM. Why does he care if his ex-wife gets re-married, and why is he analyzing so much?

Also, I would be upset that everything he called her pathetic for is something that is part of your life as well. It would make me wonder what tiny part of him might feel that way about me as well?

Now, once again, we all know you are a different breed, CG. LOL.

So these are just MY thoughts on the situation.
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"If it sounds like I think I am better than you, it's because I do."

I personally think your husband doesn't want him to be around his kids. You should ask him why he's feeling this way. Maybe he doesn't trust him for whatever reason.

I think men view things in terms of success and failure. A divorce is like a stamp of failure. Perhaps he doesn't like the idea of another man succeeding where he has failed. Its an ego thing, I think.
I also know from your previous blogs that your DH and his ex have had some sort of codependent relationship. Maybe this is a sign of the end of that relationship? That he is no longer needed? I know many men that really like or need to be needed. He is being replaced, and that is something that he isn't familiar with, I assume.
I hope that helps, just trying to throw ideas out there :).

I have to agree with GiGi. I know for me, I felt like a failure when I got divorced, even though I don't want my EX back (believe me!), I still am somewhat..jealous, embarassed in a way that the person he is with now can make it work when I couldn't. We get a long great, but I look at my life (very happy with current DH) but it's my "second marriage" and I know none of us walked down the isle with the intention of divorce/split homes as our goal. And for me, it's definitely a pride issue. Sometimes pride is my worst enemy.

accepting a new person that is going to be a large part of his children's life is probably just as hard. It was for me as well. Each person is so different and emotions are so unpredictable.

I have always loved the time before dawn because there is no one around to remind me who I am suppose to be, so it is easier to remember who I am." - unknown

OH CG my dear friend...

You and I are two of a kind sometimes Constantly Overthinking things.

DH LOVES YOU! You two have been through so much together, and a lot of that involves BM. It is possible that he had just gotten to the point that YOU are at, where you are content with WHO BM is, her illness, the way life is. It is possible that the thought of throwing a new husband in to the mix has him a little concerned about what the future will hold for ALL of you.

He knows better than anyone how BM is in relationships. I can only hope that this relationship ends better than the one with your DH, but it is possible that he is concerned for his girls being exposed to what he put an end to.

I don't know. He may not even know. It is still pretty fresh, and he may still be trying to sort out his thoughts and feelings on all of this.

Talk to him about it. You will know when the time is right. You are a pro at reading people... do what you do best, and get to the root of the issue... when the time is right.

LOVES to you!!

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~

Some people deal with change better than others. Maybe your DH is one who does not deal with change well. I think GiGi has some good perspective on this.

When my XW became pregnant shortly after our divorce was final I did not take it well. I was hurt and I took it personally though my XW was a freak who deserved what she got ..... nothing good mind you.

At that time I told her "it should be mine". Fortunately this was years before I met my beautiful and for ever wife so my perspetive on the issue at the time hurt no one but me.

For sure I would not personalize and internalize this CG. This is his issue not yours and is about him and not you. Had my incredible wife been in play at the time, she likely would have had a similar issue to my behavior to the one you are having with your DH's current behavior.

Your DH won the marriage lottery the second ticket he bought. As a two time player my self I can attest to what both a really crapy marriage and a great marriage are. The primary difference between your DH and I is that I did not have kids with my XW.

Be excellent to yourself CG .... and party on. As George Carlin so wisely told Bill and Ted. Your DH will work through this and get back to where he should be focused .... on you.

Best regards,
Rags

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)

Why do you say that he looked at you and related her "patheticness" to you?

On a different note, I wonder once in a while about exfh. Who would want to date him after what he put me through? What a jerk! But, then I think, too that he has his good qualities in there, too. It is hard for me to admit that I loved a man who could hurt me so much. And, my anger is a defensive anger. Calling him pathetic would be out of defensive anger. This defensive anger stems from feeling inadequate at not being enough for exfh to not do what he did. And, you and I both know that I'm not inadequate. So, like you, I have to make it not about me. And, like you, dh has to make it not about him if he can. But, that's on him.

To every thing there is a season.

x