And the pendulum swings....
It goes up, it goes down and with every down swing there is a click that jolts the upward swing of the otherside....
That is my life and I think I'll take a break for a while. I have to say that if I don't watch the stupid ball go up and down, back and forth....what is it that I'm missing? (For those of you who are clueless, please reference my earlier blogs and see that my mood is completely based on my reactions to this pendulum...or better known as the bipolar BM.)
BM is currently recovering from a downswing and her recent "jolt" was the complete breakdown of her toxic relationship with her now ex-boyfriend. The drama ended in a restraining order placed against him. (I even will defend BM here, agreeing that this was probably long overdue.) Saturday night I was enjoying a bottle of wine (actually enjoying the first glass of the second) when I received a phone call from him. It did not go well. I hate myself for even lowering myself to listening to what he had to say. I unloaded some very misguided anger on him. He probably deserved it but I am very disappointed in myself for not having any restraint. I will lay a little blame on Kendall Jackson though. My point is that I am better than all of this. I would never in a million years associate myself with the likes of him (or BM for that matter) so what in the hell am I doing?
So my point. BM has latched on to DH and he is enabling her to do so because of the looming custody matter. He has pacified her to the point that she is actually agreed to 50/50 placement and a decrease in child support (as it should have been in the first place). She friggin' calls him on a daily basis for much a do about nothing....and it just irritates me to no end. I am choosing to look the other way until DH has a signed court order in hand. Then at that point I will revisit this issue and maybe see if this is all worth it. For now, BM and DH can do whatever they need to do to resolve their conflict without my participation.
I appplied for a volunteer position at my local Domestic Violence Resolution center and my interview went so wonderful this morning. The director let me know that my questionarre was one of the best she's ever seen and couldn't compliment me enough on my wit and personality. I wish I could have let her know just how much I needed that. I'm really excited about focusing on something else where my voice might actually be heard and valued.
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Comments
Good for you!
I don't know how you do it, but you are completely doing the right thing in biting your tounge while BM latches on to your DH. You know its only temporary and that DH is just allowing this in order to get BM to be decent.... but still, that must be hard and you are doing such a great job dealing with all of it.
I personally would be livid if BM called my DH every day and thought that she had the right to latch on to something that isn't hers. BUT, you will have the final laugh when BM sees that DH was only giving in for ONE reason and ONE reason only!
I think I have...
graduated from livid to just disgusted. I'm at a loss how he could've been married to this disaster and produced three children out of it. What a joke. I'm even embarassed at this point. People have posted that they hate drama....I think my story could be a Broadway show.
I want to associate with normal, grounded people. I'm just tired of the nonsense and I'm refusing to take part in it.
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."
Jose Cuervo
has a tendency to make me say things I wouldn't ordinarily either, so don't feel so bad. So do Copperidge, Maker's Mark, a White and Black Russian.....tee hee! Too bad you're in Colorado! If you were closer, we could hang out together with our bottles, say whatever we wanted, and never hold one another accountable for whatever drivel spewed forth!
Hell, if it makes you feel any better, my DH, his EW, their son, and DH's parents makes me so mad sometimes that even I'm taken off guard by some of the garbage that comes out of my mouth. And that's when I *haven't* had a drop too much of the creature....it happens to all of us.
Jose Cuervo....uh oh....
I haven't drank Cuervo in years....you know that song about "don't talk to her on a straight tequila night.....she'll start thinkin' about him and wantin' a fight...."
Ever since BM entered my life, I don't drink tequila. BAD combination
for me. Trust me, it wouldn't be pretty.
I wish a lot of you gals were here, though, we could all have Margaritas and toast to the Step Moms of the world. (And MamaJen who I wish was my skids BM.)
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."
A kindred spirit :)
I have to tell you, I love reading your blogs because it keeps me on my toes for my own situations. You really remind me of things. But I do want to say one thing to you and that is, keep your gut instincts on guard because if she can, being bipolar, she will try to stir the pot with you and DH. Its that narcissistic tendency that bipolar people tend to have.
I really hope the court order works out Colorado Girl
"Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves." ~ Abraham Lincoln
Bipolar...
and the need for constant chaos. I'm telling you, this sh*t is for the birds.
Thanks Cactus....for the well wishes. Expect the worst and hope for the best!
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."
Wonderful about your volunteering!
Ok....now we REALLY must link up at some point. I have been involved in many events for our local DVP. I did an original monologue for Take Back the Night in Oct, and several monologues in the play I'm writing are domestic violence related.
I have been a part of V-day for the past several years. Last June I planned and wrote an event for the NE Oh Until the Violence Stops Festival (only in OH and KY last year)which benefitted my local DVP.
You must fill me in on your newest endeavor!
Peace, love, and red wine
My newest endeavor...
I am just ecstatic about it. I want to help those who will appreciate it and who really need it. I guess I'm tired of the fabricated drama in my real life and am hoping to gain a little perspective by helping those who have REAL drama in their life.
If I had my way, I would go on a mission with the Peace Corps....but my current circumstances don't allow that. So I'll extend my hand as far as it will let me and my life's road will allow.
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."
Congratulations!
I'm so happy to hear that your interview went well! And I am even more happy to hear that you are taking action on your own behalf. You go gurl!
I think that part of what's so hard for us stepmoms is the constant negative energy being thrown our way--most of it for no good reason. We get the negative from all sides, and after a while it can bring us down, no matter how strong or resilient we are. And when we show that we are worn down and sick of it we hear "What's YOUR problem?"
The only antidote I've found is to disengage from the negative and surround myself with all the positive people I can find. Sounds like you are doing just that--best of luck!
It's so funny you bring this up...
"The only antidote I've found is to disengage from the negative and surround myself with all the positive people I can find. "
because I was just speaking about it this morning. We were discussing a pyschology term/theory (I forget the name of it). So let's say you have a 100 people in a room, all are happy and content and talking and getting along. Everyone is talking amongst themselves and our best qualities are radiating in this room creating a great place to be. Here comes this ONE person who is toxic. This person is negative, spiteful and destructive.Whatever the reason this one person is unhappy. Now, one would think that this group of 100 could bring this ONE person up but instead, the majority of the time this ONE person brings the other 100 people right down to their level. It's amazing the power that misery has.
BM is like that in my life. She is the destructive, negative person and when she enters the room, I sink right down with her. So I'm trying a new tactic this time around. I refuse to let her bring me down anymore and I'll do whatever it takes for my own self preservation.
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."