You are here

Now I can stay and take my time to think?

Clovergirl's picture

Submitted by Clovergirl on Thu, 07/25/2013 - 12:54pm

Yesterday I told (soon to be ex)BF I was moving to this other town with the help of this new acquaintance I met. He interpreted it as I met another man and moving in with him, so I let him believe that. Then his attitude changed, no more telling me how much "sacrifice" he made for me concerning his kids; no more talking about spending unnecessary money on his kids was the right thing to do; no more telling me to move out before he comes back from the vacation with his kids. Instead, he said I could stay and take time to think and even after he came back from the trip, I could still be here and no need to leave. He even offered to take me out to dinner and asked me to sleep in the bed because the couch was cold. Funny is how fast my value goes up when he thinks another man wants me (even it is not exactly the truth) and how fickle his thoughts can be.

Comments

QueenBeau's picture

Submitted by QueenBeau on Thu, 07/25/2013 - 1:14pm

You don't want to have pretend like you're going to leave him constantly to get him to behave & treat you like a human being. SMh sometimes men are just dumb.

WarmBody's picture

Submitted by WarmBody on Thu, 07/25/2013 - 1:22pm

He just wants you to show him that your feelings for him are stronger than for the new guy. Don't give him the satisfaction.

Bojangles's picture

Submitted by Bojangles on Thu, 07/25/2013 - 2:29pm

Putting you in a vulnerable position by making you walk home in the dark and the rain, deliberately replacing your belongings with pictures of his children to rub in the fact that you do not belong there, going out of his way to have the children around to make you feel uncomfortable, there is a level of calculation and malice in those actions which suggests that he is emotionally abusive. If he wanted out of the relationship he could have done it in a civil, compassionate way. Instead he chose to be downright unpleasant. In this context his backtracking now looks like like more emotional abuse and manipulation. If you don't take him up on his offer and remain detached and focused on moving out I suspect he will quickly revert to being unpleasant again. If you soften and give things another try I suspect he would also quickly revert to being unpleasant again. That kind of cycle can destroy your self esteem. Given the problems you were already having with him and his children this just doesn't seem like a relationship worth fighting for. You have a good plan coming together, go with it.

misSTEP's picture

Submitted by misSTEP on Thu, 07/25/2013 - 3:15pm

Google "hoovering." This is a classic case of it, IMHO. It is part of the abuse cycle. They abuse, if you look like you are going to leave, they hoover you back in. Then it is a honeymoon period (of varying lengths) and back to the abuse again when they feel they have you hooked again.

theoutsider's picture

Submitted by theoutsider on Thu, 07/25/2013 - 4:38pm

Move out! misSTEP is 100% right! This is manipulation. Keep sleeping on the couch until you move out, DON'T go back into the bed.

Onefootout's picture

Submitted by Onefootout on Thu, 07/25/2013 - 5:29pm

Yes, he will try to reconcile and he will pull out all the stops. You may not even recognize him for a while, he'll be so nice. This is called 'hoovering.' because he's trying to suck you back in.

Next he will step it up to what's called 'love bombing.' this is the 'I hate you don't leave me,' tactic of manipulation.

But you already know this. Stay strong!