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Poem to my MIL

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Wed, 01/15/2020 - 4:32am

so we got into a huge fight tonight,

turns out he HATES the part of me that HATES HIS PRECIOUS FIRST BORN DAUGHTER. Wow. He doesnt consider the effort and love i give his youngest. Guess her and I were both right!

 I went to the home and everyone was gathered there.

everyone was crying. i supported everyone. i brought tissues. i hugged. i hugged hard. i stayed out of the way.

but husband was very raw/ and i poked my finger in the sore. frick. He said it and I asked for divorce.And he said ok.

I am like well... i dont get satisfied as a wife, so go - please...

I begged, please what can I do to support you, said it, I said what he wanted, and now I have no heart.

Each and every argument we have is over his toxic eldest. or toxic troll, or something.

i cannot leave until perhaps a few years.

ok so a poem.

Leaving

Gentle hands stroke the fabric of her life left behind.
Future weaving loving, leaving, fabric left behind.
Youngest depths and deceiving ever leaving ever leaving.

she is saying goodbyes in screams and  begging to be left behind. morphine.

make tea please hot with sugar!
where are my babies please where are they?

I love you hugs and kisses i am missing my sweet love,
My sweet Roque my sweet love, I’m here soon, my sweet love.
they won’t let me go,
I promise,
I will be with you soon, my love
my hands and fingers don’t stop because time stops, then.

forever I will dwell
in your hearts forever
Please let me go.

well i can’t mourn because I’m just the step aside. I am not allowed.
the nothing. the no one, but i am a piece in the puzzle of love and family. we are not just a nothing we are something, so we deserve to be loved, and included as well.

 

 

Comments

Livingoutloud's picture

Submitted by Livingoutloud on Wed, 01/15/2020 - 6:40am

I am sorry Sad

I’d say that if your DH was always exceptional spouse then maybe it’s grief talking. But he’s been always an a$$. Issue with skids and BM are symptoms, not core of the problem. True issue is him not being a good husband. You are a great person and can do much better. Don’t beg this jerk. 

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Wed, 01/15/2020 - 11:52am

When we were first getting to know each other. He was incredible.

But my tendency is to see more than what there is. To hang on when there is nothing to hang on to.

Aunt Agatha's picture

Submitted by Aunt Agatha on Wed, 01/15/2020 - 7:02am

As posters above have said, you have poured your heart and soul into being a great partner.

Im sorry your husband is such damaged goods he can't see it.

Hugs.

Siemprematahari's picture

Submitted by Siemprematahari on Wed, 01/15/2020 - 8:02am

CLove~ you can't keep sacrificing yourself for someone who doesn't appreciate you in the least. I understand he's grieving but even before this you still didn't receive the love and support that you needed. Sending you much love, strength and healing and hope you realize you deserve so much more than this.

Hugs

XoXoX

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Wed, 01/15/2020 - 8:43am

I'm sorry, it's so hard to watch someone die - your poem is beautiful.  

Maybe your DH is just grieving - if not he's ridiculous to hate you for hating his kid - especially THAT kid.  My DH loves his son, but knows he's damaged goods and doesn't expect me to see it otherwise.

 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Wed, 01/15/2020 - 11:53am

CLove, I don't know what to say. You have an amazing capactiy for love and have shown that over and over with Munchkin. I'm so sorry your H cannot see that and is blinded to the trainwreck that is his firstborn. I can only hope it was his grief that made him say such utter crap to you.

Be gentle with yourself. Both of you need space right now. Maybe he will pull his head from his backside and finally realize what a gem you are. {{{{{HUG}}}}}

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Submitted by Exjuliemccoy on Wed, 01/15/2020 - 12:13pm

Honey, I'm sorry. Grief/loss brings a lot of poo to the surface.

You have a right to your feelings about TT and shouldn't have to always smilingly accept living with the garbage of your H's many past mistakes. He bred with trash and that was his normal for a long time; he traded up with you but still occasionally reverts to old ways and tries to drag you down to that level.

Step back and give both of you some room to breathe. {{{Hugs}}}

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Wed, 01/15/2020 - 12:32pm

Yes, Ex, so much pain and reopening of old wounds.

I actually stated that "I hate her because of the pain she caused me, and Im mad at him for sitting back and allowing it to happen, not only to me, but Munchkin as well..."

That didnt go over so well. But its true. When FF treated me like dirt he never addressed it. Only when she was directly confronting me, did he address it. When she was calling me names, texting me things, he sat there (more than likely in shock).

And he never addressed all the accusations she has made. with her, against his own family, either. Never spoke of it. No one speaks of it to her, when she calls asking for money or a place to live.

bananaseedo's picture

Submitted by bananaseedo on Wed, 01/15/2020 - 3:07pm

Clove, grief can do a serious number on people.  Also, grief has a way of uniting family, even previously divided ones, and bring them closer or put many differences/sins/errors aside.  It's normal for that to happen. It doesn't mean it lasts, but it does happen.

Now, I'll be honest-your comments at his time of grief were ill timed and out of line IMO...and I'm not judging you, but it is a fact. I also opened my fat mouth to complain about BM's showing up at the viewing/funeral of my FIL when MIL seemed to not care and DH didn't even care-upset but not enough to stop her at the door kwim?  When SD's incessant phone calls back to back while talk was happening at the funeral home making arrangements, because she wanted to know what to wear and who would take her shopping I was highly pissed and chose to say nothing, buit nobody in the family seemed to mind although he would normally have chastised SD for her attention seeking. 

It's HIS mother that is passing, what matters right now IS how he feels most importantly and not about your feelings for BM/SD.  There's a time for everything and it's HARD for us stepmoms to put aside what they've done-but IMO you go through these things with your dh in support w/out triggering 'hot topics' or any disdain for family right now IMO.  I think you got the answer/tantrum back you did because of ill timing to be honest.  

Sometimes even parents that know there kids are a big issue, don't want to hear from their spouses what a POS they are...it still hurts and cuts deeply and creates a loyalty divide.