Girl friends kid don't like my kids, suggestions?

Hey guys, so I'm new to this world of being a step-parent. I grew up with a step-dad and I'm sure my brother and I gave him a run for his money at times, but for the most part, my brother and I always loved him and got along well with his children. He entered our lives when I was 3 and my brother was 2, so that could be why we grew to love him so much since he was always there. But, since we've always gotten along with his kids I can't really ask him for advise in this area.

So since you've got a little background of me, let me explain my Dilemma. I've recently gone through a divorce. I started seeing an old friend from middle and high school. Her and I hit it off. We kept it casual for about 6 months before we introduced the other to our children. I have two kids, a girl (5) and a son (3), my girl friend has 3 boys, ages 7,6 and 4. The kids didn't meet until about a year of us seeing each other, we had the occasional play date, and that was that. All seemed to be going very well. The play dates increased over time, and fast forward to two years of us seeing each other we finally moved in together. My girl friend and I are very open to communication, especially when it comes to parenting. For the most part, we discipline our own kids unless absolutely necessary.

Let me explain the temperaments of both sets of kids. My two love to be outside. We live in Florida, they don't mind the heat and when we go out on the river they don't mind the cold waters. They play outside all day long, and rarely want to be inside, which is how I've raised them. Personally, I'm not big on technology for kids, however, I understand it has its advantages. My two have iPads, but they rarely choose to use them. My daughter is very loving and gives gifts to people whenever she can. She loves to draw and is always drawing pictures for me when she's at school, as well as drawing pictures for others. My son is wild. He's insanely strong for his age, he breaks a lot of toys, he yells a lot (he's got no volume control), and he's 100% a handful. He needs constant supervision, but you give him his dump truck and he'll play outside for hours digging. However, I do have to constantly redirect him. My two kids LOVE my girlfriend and her children. When my girlfriend gets home they both run outside before she can even get out of her car and give her hugs and just start talking her ear off. And when she has the boys they get even more excited.

My girlfriends kids are the complete opposite. They love their iPads. It's all they do and it's all they ever want to do. They stay on them all day. They complain about the heat, they complain about the cold rivers on the boat days, they're just different. They're not very giving or loving children. When I watch them they don't get excited when their mom gets home, they don't run to her like my kids do. During my daughters birthday I asked my daughter if it would be a good idea to get the boys some gifts so they didn't feel excluded, and of course she was on board. All 3 of them complained about the gifts she gave them, which upset my daughter. The boys like Pokemon so I got them packs of Pokemon cards one day and they didn't get the cards they wanted so they were all mad at me for getting them crap cards. When they're hungry instead of asking politely they say "Why don't I have food?". Same goes for when they're thirsty or want a snack or if they're cold and want a blanket, it doesn't matter, thats their response. When something happens like their iPads die they blame their mom and get mad at her, or if the internet goes out or loses signal, it's their moms fault and they're mad about it. If one of them is sick and can't go to school the other two will get mad and throw fits about how its "not fair". If you do one thing for one of them, then you better do something for the other two or you'll hear about it, and they don't forget. If they lose something it's someone else's fault. Her kids do seem to love me though. They always tell me stories and want me to watch them do things on their games so they can tell me about it. They always ask me to play with them or throw them on the bed.

I understand they are just different kids with different personalities, but I'm just struggling to keep up. My main Dilemma is that her kids are so mean to my kids. If my kids are playing with their toys outside her kids have throw them into the woods over the fence behind the house since they don't have the same toy and it's "not fair". I've been on the phone with my girlfriend and heard her tell her kids that my kids are home and they all start getting mad and whinnying. I've also been on the phone and heard them ask if my kids are going to be there and I've heard them celebrate if they're not. When her kids get home my two love it, they run up to them and try and hug them and her boys will just walk away or push them off. My two don't seem to mind, they're just excited to have their company. Even though my two don't seem to mind, just watching it breaks my heart. I've tried sitting her kids down and explaining that they are my friends and that I love them, and that my kids are my friends and that I love them too, and that I want everyone to be nice to each other and get along. Her kids will act like they understand but then go right back to being jerks. I can't force her kids to like my kids, and it seems that I'm the only one thats really effected by it, it just truly does break my heart because I don't want my kids to think that kind of behavior is okay. They shouldn't have to deal with people that aren't nice to them and act like it's okay and that they're able to get away with it.

Has anyone else gone through this? Any advise would be greatly appreciated, thank y

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Your GF is a crap parent. Her

Your GF is a crap parent. Her kids are rude AF and she's not teaching them manners. I would never have allowed my DDstb21 to be so ungreatful towards gifts or to get all pissy and rude at me if her laptop died. I also taught my DD that inclusion is a verb. It isn't just that you have an inclusive state of mind. You have to demonstrate to people that you are including them. Your GF hasn't taught her kids about inclusion being an action word.

Honestly, you and your GF have totally different parenting styles. I mean you have one and she doesn't. She seems to allow electronics to keep her kids out of her hair. You value an active lifestyle apparently as shown in how you take your kids outside and on the river and not really get into electronics. Your kids seem so loving and accepting and they're getting crap in return. They're getting their proverbial hands smacked so in time, they'll learn to no longer extend themselves and like and love freely if they keep getting smacked down by your GF's kids. Your GF's kids don't have to like someone, but they do have to be courteous. We all have people in our lives we don't like. What will happen if your GF's kids don't like a teacher at school? What happens when they have a boss they can't stand? Those kids aren't going to do well. They're not even required to be respectful and courteous to other kids in their own home.

I wouldn't subject my kids to that mess any longer if it were me. It is damaging to your kids. I would tell your GF that you've made a mistake in moving in together as your parenting styles are too different to make it work. Move apart and if you really don't want to break up, then just date your GF. Although, I would be so turned off that my partner's parenting was such that I had to regress the relationship back to living apart and I wouldn't see the point. Anyway, I honestly think that exposing your kids to the bullshit from your GF's kids is damaging and I would want separate homes. IMHO, of course.

What sucks is I honestly

What sucks is I honestly agree with you. Everything is still relatively new, so part of me wants to wait it out a while longer to see it corrects itself or gets better in anyway. Thank you for your feedback.

It won't correct itself. Kids

It won't correct itself. Kids do not get better unless their parent WANTS them to and is committed to making the changes to their parenting. Your GF won't magically change her parenting. While you wait for something that will never happen, your kids could be experiencing more and more damage.

Your kids might not mind now,

Your kids might not mind now, because they're still very young, but they will mind if this continues when they get older and realize how they're being treated. If this was one child out of her three, I'd say it might be a personality thing, but it's all of them, so it seems to me that your girlfriend is a shitty parent and hasn't instilled kindness or manners in her children. Her kids may never be as kind and thoughtful as your daughter, but there's no excuse for them not being polite, not being gracious when they receive a gift, or being mean to others. Kids aren't going to be perfect with this stuff every time, but they mostly should be, and their mother should be stepping in and correcting them when they're not. A lot of this is learned behavior.

What does your girlfriend do when her kids complain about gifts they get or say "why don't I have food?" How about when they throw fits, blame her for everything or mistreat your children? Does she correct them? Does she impose consequences? More than likely your girlfriend is the problem here, and she needs to step up and parent her children better. If she can't or won't, you should get your kids out of the situation.

She does correct them, but

She does correct them, but only verbally. There aren't any REAL consequences. She'll explain why their behavior is bad, but they refuse to listen and reply with "yeah but ____." Theres always a but. I spank my kids, im not ashamed to admit it, however, I don't just haul off and do it. I give them 3 warnings, and by the third they get a spanking. Of course they're upset with me about it, so after a few minutes I ALWAYS pull them aside and we talk about it. I tell them that I'm sorry for spanking them, and I asked them if they know why they got a spanking. they always explain to me why, and I ask them if they're upset with me. The answer is always "yes", and I always assure them that it's okay to be upset with me, but I still love them and that if they listen the first time these things wouldn't happen. I tell them to take however long they need to be upset or to feel better, but they're more than welcome to returm to play or whatever. I don't spank my girlfriends kids, but I do try and reason and talk to them, but it never works. She does back me up and tell them they have to listen to me, but when theres no real consequences i get why they dont.

I'd have to agree your GF is

I'd have to agree your GF is a very weak parent. She uses iPads as babysitters and doesn't correct them when they are rude. I'd figure out now if she's willing to change, and decide whether or not to put your kids through this. How often are the kids there? That is, what is the custody schedule with their other parents?

She definitley does, but I

She definitley does, but I understand why. After her divorce she went back to school for two years and held down a full time job. SO iPads were the outlet for study time for her, it's just gotten out of hand. She's been out of school now for a year or so, and i think she's just stuck with how to deal with it. She was telling them that they cant use the iPads until after dinner, but she only kept that going while my kids were over, so they put two and two together and noticed that it'd my kids fault, which made it worse. I really do love her, and I dont want be that guy that moves from relationship to relationship with his kids. But i do want my two to be happy. I'm just happy that as of right now, they are happy. If this continues im going to have to leave.

You're not "that guy" that

You're not "that guy" that moves from relationship to relationship. You two were together for 6 months before meeting each other's kids and then slowly integrated them via playdates before moving in together 2 years later. The kids eventually have to meet, and you won't notice the dynamic between them until they do.

Unfortunately, sometimes there are things in a relationship that you just can't or don't see until you get deeper into it. Perhaps, in a future relationship, you spend more time watching your partner parent without your kids around. That way, you'll know sooner if your kids even need to know your partner and if it will be a good long-term arrangement.

Don't beat yourself up. You approached this pretty logically, but you don't know what you don't know. You now know that going slowly and play dates aren't the only indicators of how well blending may or may not work. You're learning that poor parenting from your partner can be a dealbreaker. You now know to pay attention to that more carefully.

What you SHOULDN'T do is continue to expose your children to bullies. Your GF's kids are bullies, and even if your kids are seemingly bouncing back, they're learning that it's okay for people to treat them poorly and that you support them being treated poorly. The first her kids bullied yours after you talked to them about how that was poor behavior should have resulted in the kids not being in the home at the same time. It's not fair to your kids to be subjected to mean people just so you can have a girlfriend. Doesn't matter if they aren't affected by it, it's still not fair or right.

North Central Florida girl here

I have a boat. We are always on the Suwanee River and sometimes the Santa Fe River going to all the springs. I went through this. I'm outdoorsey. I love to be out in nature. I'm a very hands on active parent. My girls are now 16,13,12, and 6. When they were your kids ages, we were always at a different spring and off to the beach and off to see the wild horses on Paynes Praire. His kids were older (although the six year old is a he and I child) and just always wanted to be on their electronics. My kids loved his kids so much.

I wish I could say it all worked out but my kids now don't like his kids at all. They killed that love. They did. And it's their loss.

Now that my kids are approaching the teen years, they are into Tik Tok and ipads a lot more but I think I have instilled in my kids a love of nature and the environment and a sense of adventure. And I've instilled in my kids for the most part a sense of respect and to treat others with kindness. I feel like you are a lot like me in that regard and are giving your children a wonderful gift right now by the things that you do with them and are shaping their personalities and interests and steering them to be great people.

I love that! I built my kids

I love that! I built my kids a playground from scratch and they love it. I taught them (or am teaching them) that hard work pays off. Since we've moved in together (I took apart the playground and brought it with) I built an outdoor gazebo/theater with a built in fireplace. My kids were so stoked on it. we had a movie night with it and the first thing her kids said was "Why did this take you so long to make?". No "thank you" or anything. I dont do things expecting praise, but some appreciation is always welcomed. I'm just trying to be a role model for her kids and hopefully they'll see that, and follow my lead. I cant change them, and im trying to be okay with that. It just really sucks.

Once when I first moved in

Once when I first moved in with DH, when SD and ODS were 5, I ran upstairs to ODS screaming and crying. SD was throwing all his toys out the window and laughing.

The first time SD came over to our house, when she was 4, I left the room to grab a movie and came back to SD whispering "I hate you" to ODS over and over and grinning until she saw me and then got a deer in the headlights look.

Fast forward to her being ten soon and she's still the exact same kid, and the dynamic with ODS is the same. My experience has been that it probably won't change with time.

You may want to evaluate your situation and decide if you want to live with unruly, disrespectful teen boys and subject your kids to that.