Still married
Made it through the weekend without a divorce. My DH asked me Friday if I even still want to be married. Since I am disengaged I used the phrase "not my kids" or "not my problem" a few times. He gets pretty pissed off and I dont know how to handle it. DH tells me if I live here I should act like part of this household but he wants me to be darling SM but if he doesn't like my opinion on the kids & their behavior he makes excuses for them....so I disengage.
On Friday morning I did not finish washing the bedding that SS11 pissed on overnight for the 3rd time in a week. When DH was pissy(no pun intended) about something else he brought it up and i said wash them yourself. I guess he feels because I work part time this is my job. Forget that the skids had 2 half days & a day off school during the week and i grocery shop, do the regular cleaning and god forbid take time for myself to work out. He says it's not my job but it would be nice if I helped out. My way of helping out is researching the problem, taking action to figure out whats wrong or to take the kid to dr so he stops pissing himself, not saying oh he'll grow out of it.
I disengaged last nite when the kids came home with McDonalds because they wouldnt eat the dinner BM prepared she grabbed them McD on the way to our home at request of DH. Rewarded for not eating dinner. Made me sick so I go upstairs & ignore. He comes up and makes excuses. I say not my problem, because it isn't. For a while disengaging was helping my marraige since we didnt fight about the kids anymore but now we fight about my lack of involvement.
Trying to decide if I should move the bedding to the dryer today so I can do laundry myself or just leave it and do my laundry at my mom's
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This is so much deeper than
This is so much deeper than laundry but for my own sanity, I would push it through the washer and dryer and then dump it on his bed. I would not make the bed. I would also let it sit until mildewey until I needed to do laundry again.
I feel like you and DH really need counseling over this.
Way deeper than laundry. He
Way deeper than laundry. He never would have mentioned the laundry if he wasnt pissed about something else.
Im also tired of preparing dinner before I leave for work so that when he comes home his evening goes smoother with kids & activities etc and he eats the dinner I make but he makes 2 other versions of dinner to appease everyone so I stopped cooking & stopped cleaning up from the alternate dinners. I swear he think Im just lazy but after months of being an outsider in this house & nothing is ever enough Id rather find my own hobbies or just stay in my room and read a book...or step talk blogs
I know it's been suggested
I know it's been suggested already but ... it really is time you went back to work full-time. Just think of all the hours that would take you away from them all!
Ha thats my day time hours
Ha thats my day time hours when no one is home. I actually like working the after school/dinner hours. Thats the best time of day to be away. I just did my 30 mins of waking up SS11 & SS10, making sure they get dressed, SS11 takes a pill, makes a lunch and gets out the door. Now time to go to gym & have much needed me time. SD16 is home today for Veteran's Day but she is no trouble. She barely talks to me or anyone lol
Start again
Put the sheets in the drier then leave them in a basket in the laundry room or dump them on SSs bed. You cannot care more than the parents. Sitting on the outside we see so many things that need to be changed for the successful and more productive running of your home.
I would write a list, then check it again crossing out a few things that really are not that big a deals. Then sit down with DH and explain you understand he loves his children because this is normal. Theor mother loves them as well, this is normal. But a SM doesn't HAVE to love his kids. This does not mean you wouldn't take life saving measures or not have their happiness at heart It means he cannot continue to use the old line that you hate his kids against him.
Then ask him how would he feel if he moved to a new workspace and was not allowed to make any changes, no changes to his workspace, no changes to the way people spoke to each other. And he has to get along with everyone even the guy who cannot aim straight and pees on the toilet seat most of the time and he is expected to clean it up. He brings food for a potluck and everyone turns their nose up to it and orders out.
Ask him to honestly think about this for a day and get back to you. In the meantime he is responsible for his son peeing the bed and he may want to consider his sons embarrassment and never being able to go to sleepovers with his friends. He is also responsible for feeding his children as obviously they do not like what you cook. Also he needs to get his kids upa dn moving in the morning not you because they crab and whine at you and it seems very clear they do not want you to do the parental chore.
You love him but need your own position of a contribuing adult in the home. Either you are equals and you are able to direct the kids or you will just let them do what they want and leave the care for his children up to him.
Don't count on "imagine if" working
I have tried and tried with my DH to give him examples of equivalent situations and ask him how it would feel. He can't get past the "but that's never happened" thought in his head. He can't seem to imagine and empathize. It's not until something 90% similar happens to him, without me involved at all, to move the needle.
This kid is pissing on the
This kid is pissing on the sheets multiple times a week? He can do his own laundry. Seriously though, at 11, he can do his own laundry. We've just taught SD9 and SS12 how to do their own laundry, and they are doing wonderful with it. Under no circumstances would I be doing it for him, especially if he's wetting the bed. It's baffling that your DH (or even you) have not made that the solution already.
I agree with what others have said....skids are 16, 11, and 10...do you really need to be home extra to help with them? Why on earth would you do that to yourself?? Working full-time is amazing when you don't actually want extra time with skids. I find that being gone more does wonders for my patience with them. (and my skids don't even piss the bed!).
Disengage. Why are you doing
Disengage. Why are you doing all of this for HIS kids?! What would he do if he were a single dad???? And he expects you to on top of that. Heckkkkkk to the big ol fat NO. An 11 year old can wash his own peepee sheets. An 11 year old can do his own laundry full stop. Can also set their own alarm to get up for school, get dressed, make lunch and make their way to school too.
Your DH is taking the absolute p*ss. They are his children. They have 2 parents and it ain't you. Tell him to take care of his own darn kids or, at the very least, appreciate what you decide to do for them and that he should start teaching them to do for themselves. Good grief!!