I'm on the beginning of a long hard road. I'll have to find solutions I don't currently have.
I'm new to parenting. The boy is 6. I fell in love with his mom and tolerate him.
He's not a good kid. His bf and mother both spoil him rotten and do very little parenting .
It shows. Both are always buying/ winning his favor as he travels back and forth to each home.
I married his mom and now I feel compelled to adjust his behavior and make life easier at home.
This makes me the only disciplinarian. And without any help I've already made headway and improvements.
But when he goes to bf he is completely let go wild with his step brother over there who is 5. And he reverts hardcore . Every time he comes back the first couple days are hell.
The boy has allergies to wheat and the bf is to inconvenienced to even know what that means.
We go through extremes trying to avoid gluten and his rashes heal and he is great . Then he comes back from bf with rashes again . I want to punch this guy. How can I care more for the kid 's health than the ignorant bf?
Bf is wealthy enough to feed his kid the best of the best, but just to absorbed in his unconscious lifestyle to be bothered by diet. I dread the next time I see him .
Why would anybody sign up for this? I protect my loved ones...his bf gets to be called dad and spoil the kid to a point that the boys body is negatively effected. And pride ego somehow are excuses for bad parenting. I'll never be "dad" but I'll be the only real parent. I'll watch him learn and develope from my nurturing and bf will be dad as he undoes the good I do . Bf and mom will take credit and I'll be the me. The boy will resent me and run to "no rules" "spoil me" daddy.
I'm feeling alittle bit afraid of being in this relationship. I'm starting to not like the boy and see his dad's characteristics that make me sick. The boy is a give me candy , demander , and screams "no!" To me,
And both bio parents created this monster. As well as continue to support it by not parenting and spoiling and ignoring. I never had kids of my own. Wish he was mine and I didn't have saboteurs as co parents who are the actual bio parents. :/
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Sounds like my world. It's
Sounds like my world. It's awful. The one up parent mentality is truly bad. Just imagine when the child gets older, it gets worse. Don't waste your time, you will just be disappointed since you aren't being backed up?
If you are wise, you will not
If you are wise, you will not have any kids with your current wife. She will not parent any future children any differently, regardless of what she may tell you.
I'm sorry to say things are only going to get worse, not better.
I suggest disengaging but I have a feeling it will make your life worse rather than better. Because at some point, you're going to realize his mother, your wife, is one of the big problems in his life as well. And you'll come to resent her.
Counseling may help here, but unless the BF is on board with this kid's discipline and care, then you're fighting a losing battle.
Welcome to Step Hell....where
Welcome to Step Hell....where we get most the work and none of the glory and ALL of the blame.
Being a Step parent is one of the hardest things a person can do.
There isn't much you can do about the BF giving the child foods he should not be eating.
Other than BM talking to BF and explaining it more clearly. Or sending BF the medical bills to pay after EACH
visit because of his lack of parenting.
But try to take some comfort in knowing that kids are not stupid. You cannot change how BF treats SS or what he allows in his home,
But kids can and will adapt. Your SS can learn that different houses have different rules.
Things that SS can get away with at BF's house will not necessarily fly at BM's house.
Yes you will be the bad guy, yes you will have to train you DW to parent her child.
But as I have always felt, I would rather raise good, responsible well behaved children than to be their best friend.
Hang in there and have a good long heart to heart with your wife and make her understand how you are feeling.
The kid is only 5 and I feel
The kid is only 5 and I feel bad for you because you have a long road ahead if you stay in this relationship. I understand how you feel. I look at my skids and I know I would have done a better job than their parents. I think COD children of divorce, really get the shaft although to them they are just being catered to and spoiled but they aren't getting what they need which is guidance and lessons. Parents feel guilty and go extra easy on them because of their own emotions and feelings. They aren't doing their kids any favors. They are creating selfish and entitled monsters.
And I'd like to add that
And I'd like to add that steps get thrown in the middle of chaos. It really is a crappy place to be! We come in without the guilty feelings parents do so we see all the injustice clearly. If I had it all to do again, I would wait for them to be grown. Living with the turmoil of skid mania is something I don't think I'd subject myself to again.