Here it goes:

My husband and I have been together for 4 and a half years. my step son is 6 years old as well my husband and i together have two children that are 3 and 17 months. Before I had my own children my ss was still very young and easy to deal with. We had a good time together, he loved me and we had such a happy family. As time passed and he got older we still had a good time together, but he was obviously getting much closer with his dad. my ss only goes to his moms house 1 or 2 days a week so we always have him. almost immediately following my first bio-childs birth, things changed. my ss started acting out, being aggressive towards my son, while still having moments of love for him. my husband and i talked and were pretty sure that he was having issues going from a single child to having a sibling, and now that meant he had to share the attention. over the next year we made a huge effort (me especially) to have him included in as much as we could, as well as spending alone time with him without the baby, cause we wanted him to know and feel that we still loved him just as much. when my bioson was 14 months old i got pregnant again. things still were getting worse and worse with my ss. his bm doesnt discipline and is more like his friend then his mom, which started to make me look bad as i have no problem disciplining him or taking priviliedges away if the disruptive actions didnt stop. it turns out that m husband is a flake when it comes to discipline, cleaning, laundry or anything that forces him off the couch. that brings us to the present, 4 and a half years of a slow decline in my ss behaviour and attitude. and my two kids are polite and helpful and listen, so i know its not my parenting style, cause its working with my kids. my ss is violent when he is angry, he talks back, totally ignores most of what i say, like im not even there, acts out at school, gets in fights at school... and he is 6! Ive let my husband deal with him and try to take a step back, that hasnt helped at all, as it seems like i can actually semi control him sometimes. he ignores any rules my husband gives him, and we have been repeating ourselves for about 3 years straight with the same rules and nothing sticks. I hate what my life has become. Im extremely depressed and feel like im loosing out on my own kids childhood because of the attention and work it takes to be a sm to this child. my husband knows that i dont get along well with my ss, but instead of trying to help he just says that i need to be the adult and not let it get to me, that im being immature etc. i feel like im trapped. i love my husband but im drowning in this life that doesnt belong to me anymore. i have no say in anything that has to do with my ss cause my husband just talks it out with his ex, but im always the first choice if he needs someone to watch him etc if he needs to work late etc. i know im getting walked all over, but i dont want to loose my marraige because of this. my kids deserrve better, and they should not suffer because my ss is such a problem. im lost as to what i should do next. my husband wont go to therapy/counselling, he thinks im over reacting need to just suck it up, and his ex thinks her son is an angel. i avoid my ss as much as possible, but i cant force my kids to not be around him. help, what do i do?