I have a new husband with 2SD, 1SS, 2 grown children of my own.
Have been with his kids for 7 years, all the time having a good, close relationship.

I probably wouldn't have done so much for these kids except that BM never took care of them properly (in my opinion). Had to get them at least 2 hours before any activity because they all smelled like cat urine (that meant changing their clothes or bathing them), usually had to wash one or both of the girls hair because it was so dirty that it looked and smelled awful and also had to feed them because BM can't get out of bed before noon.
Child support checks went to support the WHOLE family, including the new husband she has that she picked up on the internet (reason for the divorce) because nobody worked but myself and the BD. So this meant that since they were spending all the money, the filthy clothes the kids owned we very few so we had to buy the basics. That money could have had these kids dressed to the 9's but we're not rich, so they ended up with just the bare neccessities and those weren't even clean.

Through all of this, keeping our mouths shut about what was going on and how we felt about it (BD doesn't want to "ruin" their childhoods by letting them know the truth).

Flast forward to seven years later and the oldest SD, 16, decided she wanted to start sassing her dad about his concern over her starting an interracial relationship. She said vicious things to him and when I tried to calmly tell her that she was hurting her father with these words, she turned on me like a cat. Said that I "signed on" for taking care of her and she never asked me to. I told her, in the heat of the moment, that I had to because her mother never did. The 16 yr old then told me that I ironed a couple of wrinkles out of her clothes over the years and "Big freakin' deal"

Now BD hasn't slept in two days because SD wants to still see him (their fuss was never concluded because she turned it all around to being about me "talking about her mother") but doesn't want to see or talk to me because she's mad at me.

BD now "considering" telling the kids "some" of the things that BM never did (including when DCFS was called because dog crap was so thick in SS bedroom that he had to sleep on the floor of the living room).

Shouldn't these kids know what we had to go through just to bring them to this point?+

This is the same woman who calls the kids when we're on family vacations and gets them so riled up that she misses them so much that she cries herself to sleep, just so they'll start crying and want to go home. Wouldn't a normal person tell the kids to have a good time (on these $5000 vacations that we pay for) and not worry, they'll be together soon?

What to do?