Young stepmom facing snark from other, older mothers (Article)
I stumbled across this today and can definitely relate! I am a 27 year old stepmom (in 2.5 months) of 15 and 12 year old girls. While I am not a stay at home mom (I work at home when not traveling), I do spend a fair bit of time with them. Not at school, but a lot at activities. The oldest does ballet 30 minutes away from our house, and on our weekends I usually take her and sit there for an hour and wait. The other moms want nothing to do with me. It doesn't matter that I had nothing to do with the divorce (which occurered 7 years before I met SO) or that I get along great with BM. Some of them won't even return my polite hellos. One of the moms is kind to me, but she usually doesn't stay and wait for class. She is a neighbor of SD15 and her daughter and my SDs are close friends. She is the only one who has been welcoming and doesn't seem to judge my relationship with my much older SO. Most of my friends aren't even moms, let alone SMs, so it is hard to relate
http://www.philly.com/philly/living/20150615_Tell_Me_About_It___Young_st...
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Can I ask, because I too am a
Can I ask, because I too am a young mom/step mom.
How old are the other moms?
Most of my friends I met through my kids (I moved when I got married to ExH) through dance and other sports my kids played. I'm the youngest in the friends all my friends are at least 6-8 years older than me, my best friend is 14 years older than me.
Most of the moms are in their
Most of the moms are in their 40s. BM1 is around 45.
I have no bios yet, so most of my friends are unmarried girls in the 28-35 range. They don't "get it" when I can't go out on a Thursday for drinks because that is when I have dinner with the skids, among other things. (I like my skids, and we see them EOW and Thursdays for dinner, so I don't like to give up that time)
I hear you, lucky for me,
I hear you, lucky for me, thought I'm a young mom, I was able to make friends.
I am also very close to many of SD's friends because she is younger than my bio's and the mom's are my age.
I however have NEVER gotten the cold shoulder from SD's friends parents because I was the step mom.
I have experienced the cold shoulder because I was a young mom, but never because I was the step mom.
^ YES ^ You don't want to
^ YES ^
You don't want to hang out with those mom's anyhow!
I remember when my son was in a sport and I would go for practice everyday and watch, all alone, by myself while the other mom's visited.
I sat there ALL ALONE
Then one day two moms sitting there looked at me and said "HEY! Why are you sitting over there alone? Get over here and hang out with us"
Still both my best friends to this day, even stood up in my wedding to DH.
The true friends will come along all in due time!
I agree, I don't really WANT
I agree, I don't really WANT to be friends with people who are rude, it is just annoying. I just bring a book or play on my phone, since they don't want me to join in on the chats for an hour
Have they already bonded as a
Have they already bonded as a group of dance moms and maybe just dont want to include another person? Or it just seems un natural at this time to include another person? They already have common interests and have had a bond for some time and they are just talking, going with the flow of their conversations/friendships. Not meaning to exclude anyone but basically just socializing as they have in the past?
I think it's just a huge
I think it's just a huge stigma attached to the age difference. They will automatically think that he left his wife for a younger woman.
I initially had a tough time
I initially had a tough time with this as well. Very similar situation in that I had nothing to do with the divorce and bm was already remarried but for whatever reason the moms were very exclusive.
My advice would be to just ride it out. Once I wasn't "new" anymore and once sd had a few sleepovers where I talked one on one with the other parents it did become more polite.
The only moms who I would say I became "friends" with, though, have bios the same age as mine. I wouldn't take it personal, I think a lot of people just want to avoid drama and have probably known the bm since skids we're little so there is just loyalty there.
I'm was young mom /step mom
I'm was young mom /step mom as well I'm 31 but my kids are 10 (stb11) & 11 (stb12) sd is 10 (stb11). I find it hard because since I was a young mom, all my friends moved on, since I wouldn't dump my kids to go party or bar hop. My daughter's friends parents are all in their 40s or 50s. They all look at me like I'm ignorant or slutty. I'm definitely not either of those. Even dds' friends tell them "that's not your big sister?" Or "that's your mom?!"
Been there, done that.
Been there, done that. You've reached the Biddie Zone. That place where older moms think they know the story, but really haven't a clue. Being excluded sucks.
I'm small and I looked about the same age or younger than the skids. We would go to movies, the skids got in no problem, I would get carded. Some well meaning old lady once told me not to let the older kids bully me into paying for them. I had to show her my drivers license.
I would go to ysd's high school and get greeted with "oh this is the YOUNG wife" by a woman not much older than myself and then she would leave me standing at the desk to wait, and wait, and wait for whatever form or item ysd had forgotten. Happened every time with this woman. I finally asked her what was the problem, she said she hated to see someone out of high school marry an older man. I was 36 at the time. I showed her the dl. She thought I had played dh. Dumb broad.
I wish that were the case now!
You will grow out of it, don't let the biddies get to you.
I can imagine that it will be
I can imagine that it will be hard. I was a young mom the first time with bios and it was really hard because all the moms were a lot older than me. I am now i guess your average age mom to little ones and I feel I am being included in things.
It could just be that they feel they wouldn't have anything in common with you. It will prob be much easier when you have your own kids.
Is it maybe a territorial
Is it maybe a territorial thing and not an age thing? Does her BM take her there too? My boys are heavily involved in jiu jitsu and have been for 4 years so when XH's new girlfriend(27) first started showing up, people side eyed her. I think in her case it was more that she's over bearing and acts like my kids mom and they all know me, I train there too and we're all pretty close. Just an idea. It was weird for everyone when we split up and started bringing our SOs around.
I've noticed the same thing.
I've noticed the same thing.
I'm ten years younger than SO and I also look really young for my age. I'm professionally accomplished, and so I get shit from women in the workforce who can't handle that I can look young, be into looking nice, and be extremely smart. Young women are no problem. Men of all ages are no problem. Middle aged women... yeah, they are very backstabby and condescending (with no discernible reason for it.)
I consider the "mom club" thing just more of the same. Older women are going to be insecure about younger women, particularly when the younger one challenges a personal belief system. Here, it's probably about feeling worried that their husbands could move on from them someday and find someone younger. That's too threatening, so it's easier to assign negative qualities to you and keep you out of the circle, keeping some special status on themselves.
My BM looks awful and puts no effort into her appearance. I'm the opposite. Coupled with my youthful appearance, I know she tells herself that I'm just a bimbo, and I'm not a quality woman like her. As a result, I can't wait for her to find out about my actual age and my accomplishments someday. Her ex-husband made a huge upgrade from her in every personal characteristic possible, and she can't handle that, so she projects imaginary negative qualities onto me that protect her worldview.
You are just a target onto which they project their personal issues. As a stepparent, you're probably used to it!