Lawyer Call Update
Oh man, DH and I are smiling ear to ear. DH and his lawyer had their call yesterday. BM2 FINALLY sent in all of her financial docs. She was a B and insisted DH turn over tons of financial info, which he did since we have nothing to hide. When she didn't accept our offer, SHE had to turn over all the same info!
After the lawyer reviewed all her paperwork, he is more confident than ever! He actually said "Screw mediation, we are taking this straight to court. She can either accept our offer of $1700 right now or we are going to court and starting at an offer of $700, which is the state minimum for someone in his bracket who is unemployed"(original was $1,250 but we are now offering $1700 to try and avoid the court costs). And the best part....he is seeking overpaid child support RETURNED going back a year!!!!
BM2 is going to flip when she gets that summons. It turns out she is making more than me (low 100s) while leading DH to think she is making around 75-80. She put her "MUST" expenses ridiculous things like her cleaning lady, her nanny (which is for her toddler that she had with her new husband) and a car payment (her car is paid off - it was DH's and she got it in the divorce, she is trying to claim her DH's car. I don't think so) Busted.
Lawyer says he can't imagine any judge who wouldn't drastically reduce support. DH has been unemployed for almost 17 months actively looking for a job. We sold our big house and moved into a 1 bedroom apartment. We changed cities to try and increase his job opportunities. He has never ONCE missed a payment, draining our savings to make sure the kids are provided for. He calls the kids every day and facetimes, visits, etc. There's no way he will find a job making what he was making, or anywhere close to it, at this point.
BM2 is so entitled and she is in for a VERY rude awakening on this. If you recall, her counter offer originally was to lower our obscene child support from $2,900 to $2,500. She is insane.
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He can't find any job
He can't find any job anywhere near his skill set or level. Once he accepts a job at say, Walmart, will any company really hire him at an IT Executive level again? We have savings and it is better for him to continue trying to do consulting on his own than to take a job that will set him back further
He's been paying CS so not
He's been paying CS so not sure what the problem is. Even if he gets a low paying help desk job, the CS is still going to be adjusted to that low paying job.
Okay well we all know that
Okay well we all know that it's not going to be $1700 if he's working at a help desk.
Yes, people would be saying
Yes, people would be saying that as a stepkid, because a stepkid would be an entirely different position: a young person seeking an entry-level career. Entry-level is an entirely different situation than an older male with executive experience in the banking industry.
Of course, if Charlotte's DH could find another job to make ends meet (and left him time for interview availability during business hours), he wouldn't have to put it on his resume and risk sullying his potential for other executive level positions. It's a strategy used by those individuals with advanced degrees who worry about seeming overqualified for a position - they just leave off their advanced degrees that might frighten off an employer.
HR - he has been paying his
HR - he has been paying his CS all along, so exactly what is your issue??
I guess she wants him to pay
I guess she wants him to pay for BM"s new husband's car payment and for the daycare nursery bill for BM's new baby with her husband. I mean that sounds fair, right? He should get a minimum wage job or a help desk job because BM with her 100,000 a year salary plus her new husband's salary is just doing without .
Sounds like good news to
Sounds like good news to me!!!! I hate that the job market is like that. I can 100% understand how you can't find a job that pays like the old one. Its called life. No one ever thinks that their life will take a downturn and judges especially think that downturns are planned events.
I hope your DH knocks his ex off her entitled rocker.
Where is the delete button?
Where is the delete button? Why did that go away?
How can you compare a minor
How can you compare a minor or "kid" in his 20s to a mature adult with an advanced degree and executive experience? Yes, a young adult who was out of work for 17 months would be told to take a job, any job. They don't have years of experience in their field. That's not even the same. This is comparable: you're a teacher. If you got laid off, would you take a job as a lunch lady?
If you haven't been out of
If you haven't been out of work for a while it can be easy to forget that job hunting is time consuming and should be pursued as though it is a full time job if someone is serious about finding something suited to them.
She sounds very entitled
She sounds very entitled indeed. I hope it works out for you guys. Your DH has done everything and then some and I think it's time for BM to step up and be fair.
That's great news! My DH just
That's great news! My DH just lost his job with a major bank 2 weeks ago and has to deal with age discrimination. We are realistic that he will never make the income that he was so just hoping that it's not a massive cut once he does find something. I just hope it comes soon!
The job loss was a wake up call though. We are meeting with his attorney tomorrow to discuss reducing CS! FINALLY!! (SD18 moved in with us in July and he's been paying BM for 2 kids) I'm hoping we get good news too!
Sorry to hear, and I'll keep
Sorry to hear, and I'll keep my fingers crossed for you! The lawyer may advise you to wait a bit. Ours did. The longer he is unemployed, the more likely he will not be able to find a job at a comparable level. The judges can decide on future earning potential not just current in some states. Just something to think about. Good luck!
This is the challenge we are
This is the challenge we are having. He knows lots of people, just having trouble finding a position. ANY position. The one he just interviewed for was about three levels down and I would guess would be an enormous pay cut, which we are fine with. We also have the age discrimination. DH is 52 but can pass for younger. He has even began dying his hair a big to try and look in his early 40s. It is real!
The lower level jobs they say he is overqualified for, and the banks are all cutting back drastically so the higher level jobs are few and far between.
He has just started setting up a consulting LLC or sole proprietorship and is going to try that, it's something new. He also is an absolutely AMAZING photographer (as a hobby) and is trying to turn that into a side business to try and generate some income. He just booked his first gig for a half "headshot day" at my company for $700, so that helps. It could lead to more opportunities. He is also going to try and drum up some business in baby/pet photography to make ends meet.
I'm trying not to get defensive, HRNYC, but I can assure he is trying so hard. He hired a resume expert, did all kinds of webinars to improve your brand, trolls the job boards all days, hounds any recruiter he meets or knows from his past roles, we're constantly networking through friends and family. Every time there is something promising it disappears....there is a company reorg and the job has been pushed 6 months or more....the division has restructured.....they have moved the role to India....the company just got sold so no new hires until the M&A is all sorted out etc. He just needs a chance. He is an AMAZINGLY hard worker and incredibly smart.
Every time there is something promising it gets taken away right when we get our hopes up. I will never ever fault DH for not doing enough, as I know he is busting his butt. He's also doing things for him, which he never did. He's working out more and running...he just ran a half marathon and is much healthier. He also does all the grocery shopping and makes me a gourmet dinner almost every night. I come home to a clean house, walked dogs, folded laundry.
Hopefully the lawyer can get us at least one win in our life sometime soon.
Preach When DH was running
When DH was running Fraud/claims at the biggest bank in the US he was appalled at how much of his reports were jobs relocated to India. It ruined their customer service and before he was laid off they were actually looking into moving a lot of the jobs back.
These were low level call center jobs. The company thought is "Why pay an american $40K when I could pay an Indian $10K". Trouble is, customer service plummets, language barriers, etc. and you end up losing customers.
I've been with Schwab FOREVER and LOVE them! When I call immediately someone picks up the phone "Thank you for calling Schwab, this is Mary in Phoenix, how can I help"
Breath of fresh air in customer service
I had to call ATT&T due to a
I had to call ATT&T due to a cut line and I got a hold of India. Every single time. It's terrible. "what do you mean, a dig in? You need higher internet service? " I have a hard enough time telling someone in this country what a slick unit is much less someone in India. It's terrible customer service transferring someone to India.
I have friends who are
I have friends who are Realtors and they are always looking for good head shots. That might be a market he could tap into.
great idea! He would be
great idea! He would be great at photographing the inside of houses as well, like after they're staged.
He is working on making his website better, but here it is if anyone wants to take a look!
http://www.woosterthorpe.com
His stuff looks great. Here
His stuff looks great.
Here people want real, they want to look good but not glam and they have to be immediately recognizable.
This link might help
http://fitsmallbusiness.com/realtor-headshot/
I have applied for some lower
I have applied for some lower level IT-type jobs just to get out of the rat race that is my current position, but I am immediately overqualified and would have to take a 50% pay cut where I live. I would have to move to a major metropolitan area and I can't move because DH is underqualified and would end up with a pay cut and he has two years and four months left of CS for SD18 who is living with BM and pouring beer for a job.
With me covering all bills
With me covering all bills and him just covering the car and child support, we think we could last another 10-12 months without him working. HOWEVER that would completely drain his savings which is not good.
I should note that DH and I have separate finances, so his savings is entirely his, most of it from before we were together. When he was working, I gave him some $ toward our mortgage and we each paid our own credit card and paid certain bills (for example I paid cable and insurance, and he paid gas an electric)and of course he paid child support. He paid for his car and I paid for my car, and we each paid for our own phones. When he got laid off we sold my car so we could only have one and put more $ towards expenses.
Since he's been unemployed I pay rent, gas, electric, insurance (for him and skids as well), most groceries, parking garage (we live in a city now), and other odds and ends. He pays child support, cable, and car. It's not ideal, but it works for us for now. The bills are met and there is food on the table.
I was thinking this, how much
I was thinking this, how much is court really going to cost? And how much longer does he expect to be unemployed? If court is going to cost 10k and he will be unemployed for more than about a year then going for the lower amount makes sense. I hope you guys have a plan for when his savings run out. I really hope it doesn't come to that but it could.
Having CS just reviewed and
Having CS just reviewed and modified, I would go with the state calculations and just pay the lawyer fees. Screw paying BM $1000 / month more to avoid court.
I'm not sure how it is in your state, but we couldn't make it retroactive before the filing date.
DH used to pay $1300-1500 / month. Now it's $2 / month. Yes, it could be that drastic. It's state calculations. Why on earth would you pay that much more? I must be missing something.
It is probably more the
It is probably more the thought that he didn't expect to be out of work this long and if he finds a new job a month after going to court then his CS could go up and the court fees used previously seem wasted. However given the time that had already elapsed I think that going for the lowest possible is the best move, even if he sets up his own buisness, it could take a good amount of time to find clients, build a reputation and get it making a decent profit.
Even paying $1k a month more
Even paying $1k a month more is foolish. I don't care how much he made previously. He has to get it through his head that he can no longer make that much money.
Another thing. Since I
Another thing. Since I thought I was missing something, I read a few of your other blogs.
1 in particular talked about how you've been paying bills and there's not enough money for the other skid to go to college.
I'm sorry but you guys really need to take a few steps back from all this. Your DH doesn't make 600k anymore. He makes 0. That's NO money for anything.
Why would you try to settle with someone when he has nothing?
I would go full force with state calculations with a promise to review when he gets that new job.
Your DH no longer has money to just throw away.
Eta... why is your income even a part of this, too?