New to this whole thing...
OK...I'm new to this whole thing (blogging and the how blended family). My BF and I have been dating for a while and are just now introducing the kids (I have two (4 & 6), and he has two (7 & 10)). BF and I were open for me meeting his ex (BM), and if my ex ever surfaces BF will be meeting him (long story).
A little background, BF told BM that we were dating, basic stats, etc. She was upset over something, BF didn't understand, whatever, life moves on. Now that I'm involved with his kids too, we both expected that BM would want to meet me. It's what I would expect from my ex's gf. Simple know who's around my kids thing.
Her reaction soooo confuses me. First she's upset that she doesn't know me, and wants to keep the "communication open" between everyone (which BF took to include me)--btw BF has bent over backward to try to keep the communication open in regards to kids. Then she pulls the "I don't care who you date, why would I want to meet her" routine.
It's no skin off my back, but can someone please explain to me why you wouldn't want to know someone who will be spending considerable amount of time around your kids? I mean I could be a psycho or whatever? I'm not, but how do you know if you don't meet them?
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Bm
Bm is still dealing with all the issues of the divorce and the emotional ties. If she were over it she would want to meet the "other woman" that her sons will be spending so much time with.
Sometimes the Bm heals and sometimes she doesn't so it can be along drawn out process. You may want to get her signed up for match.com because thats what we did and had great success. Once she got herself a mate she had something else to think about.
When she said, "I don't care who you date, why would I want to meet her" she is trying to downgrade the importance of the person that is going to be front and center for many years to come.
I appreciate this, and if
I appreciate this, and if she wasn't dating BF's ex bestfriend I'd so sign her up tonight...I have to laugh it's so messed up their situation.
Hopefully she'll heal quickly, BF's kids are wonderful and I know they so feel they're trapped between both households and finding the new groove. THANK YOU!!
Ok so what I have learned so
Ok so what I have learned so far. You can not expect rational behavior from irrational BM's. There is always going to be hurt when it comes to seeing an ex with someone new. It just depends on the charachter of the BM wether or not she chooses to make this work or not. My suggestion is to be happy dosent want to meet you!! Trust me it will save you so much grief! BM's that dont cause trouble are a rare thing so just relax and have fun with your family
That was the easiest time for me Before I met BM. So enjoy it and if she is not concerned about who her kids are around that BM is probally not a good mom. Good Luck
sounds like your boyfriend
has been controlled by the mother of his kids... he is not ready to date or be in a new realtionship until he is strong enough to not have to seek bio moms approval of who he is with or dates.
She has no legal or other rights to tell him who to date or be with and that he has asked you to meet her does not seem right.
She must be a controlling woman or why else would he want to do that and have you meet her... what difference does it make if she approves of you or likes you? Your with him, not her.
and whats with him that he wants you to meet her.... he has not moved on and is not his own man. I do not feel he is ready to date and it would be a bad idea to continue on with him in your life according to what you wrote. He is just not ready and has not moved on.
What difference would it make for her to approve or not approve of you ? I mean really.............. !!!
She does not get to choose his new partner.
That's because your normal
That's because you are normal and have moved in with your life and BM is apparently not liking the fact that her ex now has a significant other. I don't think it's a big deal that your BF told her that he is dating someone, as she is going to hear it from the kids anyway but he does not need her approval about whom he dates. IF I was you I would not even worry about meeting the BM. She apparently has some issues about her ex moving on even though she is dating someone else. Hopefully one these days she will get over it - but as you can see we deal with a lot of crazy BMs on this site so just keep your fingers crossed that she doesn't start pulling a bunch of crap to make your lives miserable.