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Selfish SS, i’m disappointed

Caroline2b1211's picture

Submitted by Caroline2b1211 on Mon, 01/24/2022 - 3:15pm

Tonight i just need to vent, 

SS10 called me last evening to ask me something. He wanted me to help setting up a game on his switch. 
It wasn't hard at all, just needed the manual (sounds like BM and stepfather don't know how to read). I spend 1 hour facetiming him to explain how to do it. 

When the thing was done, he just said "ok thank you so much you are the best byeeeee" 

It was the first time since christmas we talked. He didn't asked me anything about me or our DS. Absolutely nothing, don't even a "how are you?" or "is my brother fine ?". 
 

He doesn't care for us at all, i have no other words. He is 10 so he knows how to take news. When he phones BM or even MIL (when he was allowed to) at our house he always asks for news. 
I'm so disappointed by this boy, 
 

Just needed to vent. 

Comments

JRI's picture

Submitted by JRI on Mon, 01/24/2022 - 3:52pm

I think Stepmomnorth is right.  I'm glad he felt he coukd call for your help and he thanked you and added that you're the best.  I'd let it go.

Caroline2b1211's picture

Submitted by Caroline2b1211 on Mon, 01/24/2022 - 3:57pm

Yes you're probably right i should let it go. 
For the fun fact, he sees me as the the "smart one" of his family. 
And poor him, i'm not a video gamer at all (doesn't have any video game) and it shocked me that BM and SF didn't know how to setting up the game ! 

JRI's picture

Submitted by JRI on Mon, 01/24/2022 - 4:24pm

I think it's a compliment that he called, shows you have a good relationship.

Caroline2b1211's picture

Submitted by Caroline2b1211 on Mon, 01/24/2022 - 5:19pm

Thank you, 

But for me it shows that he needed me because i could help him

Olivia2020's picture

Submitted by Olivia2020 on Mon, 01/24/2022 - 11:40pm

he said 'thank you' and was in good spirits when you two ended your call. It's great that he can call you to get help, that's really nice of you to help him out! 

he will likely ask when his focus isn't on the switch. 

hugs

Caroline2b1211's picture

Submitted by Caroline2b1211 on Tue, 01/25/2022 - 1:43am

Yes you are both right. He needed help, he was exciting about playing, must be that ! 

CastleJJ's picture

Submitted by CastleJJ on Mon, 01/24/2022 - 10:01pm

My SS is 9 and we talk to him twice a week via Skype. Never once does he ask us how we are doing. I agree with others above, kids that age don't know social etiquette. I wouldn't read too much into it. Kids that age developmentally are ego centric so honestly that behavior is right on track.

Caroline2b1211's picture

Submitted by Caroline2b1211 on Tue, 01/25/2022 - 1:44am

Thank's CastelJJ,

It helps to compare 

Hope you are fine bty Smile

 

Caroline2b1211's picture

Submitted by Caroline2b1211 on Tue, 01/25/2022 - 1:42am

Thank you all for your feed back.

They help me realise sometimes i have mixed emotions.
 

What bothered me most is that he always ask for news about is other brother or cousin when he is home. But by talking with you i realize it's not the same context, he didn't called me to talk but to have help. 

Of course he knows he can call me when he wants. Which is rare but, when he needs, he always find my phone number.

What makes me sad is that no one is DH family ask news about DS. Maybe i hoped SS will, but finally he just doesn't see him often, and no one talk about DS to him, so it must be a 10yo logical behaviour. 
 

DH stopped talk about DS when he calls SS. He doesn't want to "force" the relationship, That's a good point. 

fakemommy's picture

Submitted by fakemommy on Tue, 01/25/2022 - 11:22am

He also spent an hour working on setting up a game, who knows how long it took him to decide to call you. It probably was just the case of him being excited to play and not ill-will about your DS. It is good that he called you and was so friendly. Maybe call him later just to talk about life and volunteer information about your DS.

Gemini's picture

Submitted by Gemini on Tue, 01/25/2022 - 8:12am

How often does SS see DS? Is it every other weekend? Even though your DS us technically his brother,  he sees his other brother every day so the bond is going to be different.  If your DH doesn't want to "force" it, maybe he's fine with them having a distant relationship

Caroline2b1211's picture

Submitted by Caroline2b1211 on Tue, 01/25/2022 - 11:36am

He sees DS EOWE and half of holidays. Of course he has not the same bond with his other brother. 
However, he sees less his cousin (SIL son's) and always ask for news. 
But, it's not SS falt. DH family 100% rejected DS since the birth (Compensation syndrome). I think it come frome that. 
Of course DH doesn't want to force anything, what could be more bothering that having a father talking about another son who no one care about in the family ? 
DH believe he will reject DS if he "forces" relationship. 

However, when SS is here, DH offering qualitative shared times to bound. But it's the only place where SS can see DS and heard about him. DH family doesn't want to see DS anymore. SS spend many times at MIL, she says bad things about my DS (last thing was DS was ugly). I guess bonding  in that kind of context is harder. 

Stepdrama2020's picture

Submitted by Stepdrama2020 on Tue, 01/25/2022 - 12:37pm

Your MIL said her grandson was ugly??

What a total POS who doesnt deserve the privilege of your sons company.

Whats wrong with some people. Surely your DH is repulsed by MIL?

My reply off topic but I read this and was boiling.

Caroline2b1211's picture

Submitted by Caroline2b1211 on Tue, 01/25/2022 - 1:02pm

I took some shortcuts with the terms. She exaclty said (iN front of DS) : "i'm soooo soooo shocked about his teeth ! They are so wierd ! Ahahahahah a bus can drive through ! So shocking !" 
SS wasn't here, but many days after, when he comes to visit, he had the exact same words for DS "a bus can drive through ! This is SO shocking" 

Stepdrama2020's picture

Submitted by Stepdrama2020 on Tue, 01/25/2022 - 1:28pm

Thats the word to describe MIL.  Awful hun, just awful.

I hope your DH puts her in her place if not go for it. 

 

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Tue, 01/25/2022 - 8:45am

I don't know.. he's 10.  I agree that not a lot of 10 year olds are going to have the same interest and understanding of social construct to inquire about the health and lives of everyone in the home. And.. he didn't call to socialize, he called because he needed help with a project.  He thanked you and complimented you for your assistance.  So, I think he did ok in that regards and he does view you as valuable enough to make the call to you to ask for help.

I mean, at that age, kids are more self centered I think.  You could have offered that "do you want to talk to your dad... see your brother.. etc.. " but likely he was excited he got his game thing set up and wanted to get on with that.

Selfish? maybe.. we are all selfish like that  sometimes.  I would not take this as him being abnormally a bad person.. 

Caroline2b1211's picture

Submitted by Caroline2b1211 on Tue, 01/25/2022 - 11:39am

No you are right, 

Normal behaviour from a pre teen i guess.

My personal story with DH family must distort what i feel ! 

bearcub25's picture

Submitted by bearcub25 on Tue, 01/25/2022 - 11:31am

At least he was pleasant and thanked you for your help, so that is big for a step kid.

My Grandson is 11, stb12.  I texted him last week, on the phone I bought him last Christmas and pay for the plan, asking him what he wants for his bday from my sister and I.  I'm still waiting on him to respond.

My SD and I have a good relationship but mainly she will text when she needs to ask a question or advice.  I'm just happy we have a good enough r'ship that she knows she can ask me for advice or whatever.