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Blended

Caprice063's picture

Submitted by Caprice063 on Mon, 05/31/2021 - 10:19am

I'm married 6 years to a man with 4 adult kids. I've been with him for 18 years. His kids are married & all in their mid-40s with teenage or older kids.  My daughter in in her 30s with young grade school kids. 

 

We all gat along; however, when his kids have parties, bbqs, etc. my daughter & family aren't included. Of course, for Christmas She s included but not for birthdays etc. I asked my husband as my daughter's aware of the gatherings & hurt. My husband's response "Well, they've all lived together for so long. She's so much younger, they just have different interests".  Yet, she invites them to her kids parties, etc. 

How do I handle?  My response: this is BS. I do think they're over having little kids around. Is that why?  I'm just so sad. 

 

Comments

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Mon, 05/31/2021 - 10:27am

Are these just "family" parties? I'd say it's time for her to stop inviting them. Their position on her as "family" is quite clear. 

Stepdrama2020's picture

Submitted by Stepdrama2020 on Mon, 05/31/2021 - 10:39am

Kind of ironic we call it a "blended" family when it is anything but. I feel ya sister. Like above I totally agree, give what you get lady and your daughter should do the same.

You certainly cannot say you havent tried, 18 years is way too long to go through this.

 

notarelative's picture

Submitted by notarelative on Mon, 05/31/2021 - 1:23pm

Sometimes families blend. Sometimes they don't. Yours isn't blending so adjust your expectations. Think of it as two separate families with you and DH in the middle. Most of the joint get-togethers will be initiated by you and DH. The adult children are free to invite or not invite. Realize that they didn't grow up together and their only connection is though their parents.

Put a smile on your face and attend the skids and grandkids events with your husband. But realize, the bottom line is that they consider you dad's wife, not family. Your daughter may consider DH family, and that's fine.  Feelings belong to the individual. 

Society gives us the expectation of blending into one big happy family. But in actuality, life often doesn't meet this expectation. And that's fine. The key is to adjust the expectation to reality.

Thumper's picture

Submitted by Thumper on Mon, 05/31/2021 - 4:57pm

We all gat along; however, when his kids have parties, bbqs, etc. my daughter & family aren't included. 

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They are not morally obligated to invite anyone to their homes. Sometimes that includes family or extended family. Their guest list is not up to you. Nor should you question who they invite OR not invite.

Having everyone together will be your job at the holidays IF you decide to entertain everyone. Maybe you could have a cookout and invite anyone you wish. Is that something you would do?

Bit your lip smile big, bring a side dish,  have a cocktail and tell dh's kids how wonderful the gather is. Smile and thank you for the invite.

Maybe it is time to go RV shopping. Then you can skip all this stuff.