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A LOT OF US ARE IN THE SAME BOAT....

Caprice's picture

Submitted by Caprice on Sun, 01/22/2012 - 8:08am

I am 35 - my hubby is 48. We got together over 6 years ago because we got along and we were both in unhappy marriages... anyway, he has 2 kids (16 going on 17 and 13 going ong 14 now). I have always bought up the topic that I would love to have children of my own. At first he didn't take it seriously (because I think Men don't have the same feeling about that compared to females), then he said No, I don't want to, then I thought - oh well, that is the end of that, then my sister convinced me that I deserved better so I bought it up again and again and again and after time and therapy he thought well, maybe..... but now we are back to NO yet he still wants me to be the BEST step mother EVER to his children, yet he can go off on his own and make huge financial decisions about them (even though our bank accounts, EVERYTHING are in joint), say yes to everything, tell me later, not make them pay back money they owe to us, bla bla bla.... it's just a cr@p position to be put in and you don't get any thanks, but you also don't get to have any children of your own....??? I have spent a lot of time thinking I must have done something wrong in life for this to happen to me, but after reading some of the stories I am not doing too bad - but I am still sad and will always mourn for the child that I did not get to have with the man that I love..

Comments

Caprice's picture

Submitted by Caprice on Sun, 01/22/2012 - 8:35am

Thank you for your comment... No, it's not too late but there is still no use in having children just to have them - you BOTH need to want to do it and if I did I would would want to bring them up in a happyhousehold, relationship which would not happen if you did it with someone who does not want to...
Smile

icouldscream's picture

Submitted by icouldscream on Sun, 01/22/2012 - 8:42am

you are really missing out on being a mom i would hate to see you regret it later in life when it is too late - being a stepmom is not at all the same. there are lots of men out there that want kids. when i met my bf i told him right away that i wanted my own kids - i propably would not have stayed with him if this was not an option for the future.
I had the same situation with money until recently this year when i snapped now he pays for most of the stuff to do with his kids - although he is male so he does not realize all the needs at times - and i have kept my money seperate!

ctnmom's picture

Submitted by ctnmom on Sun, 01/22/2012 - 8:48am

Would you ever dump him and have a baby on your own? Wow, that would be a dealbreaker for me. Think about your future, being an old lady. Do you really want to grow old w/ out any kids or grands? I couldn't make that sacrifice for any man!

paul_in_utah's picture

Submitted by paul_in_utah on Sun, 01/22/2012 - 12:19pm

Same here. I was never able to have kids with my DW (medical issue). However, after dealing with all of the crap that the skids have created, I'm glad that I never had kids. Dealing with the skids has robbed me of any joy that I might ever derive from kids. I just want to wrap up my last couple of years with SD17 so DW and I can move on with our lives.

Caprice's picture

Submitted by Caprice on Wed, 01/25/2012 - 1:44am

Thak you - that has made me feel a little better.. All I feel I have to look forward to is a good financial future together once they have left the nest!!

alwaysanxious's picture

Submitted by alwaysanxious on Sun, 01/22/2012 - 10:17am

This was my dealbreaker, I would not be with someone who did not want children with me. If it means that much, i think you need to consider this seriously. You don't want to live with the regret.