To Tell BM or Not
We found out some pretty bad things about my SD16 recently. She's always in trouble and never has any consequences but this is things that every parent would want to know. Sex, boys, drugs, drinking, sneaking in/out of the house and even sneaking boys in her bedroom window. DH has not done anything to punish her and won't tell BM b/c he doesn't want BM to punish her. YES I KNOW MY HUSBAND NEEDS TO GROW SOME BALLS AND PUNISH HIS DAMN BRAT! However it most likely isn't going to happen. My question is would you tell BM and risk the fight with the DH or just keep my mouth shut and not worry about it, not my daughter, not my problem?
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Forget about BM you need to
Forget about BM you need to contact police. You are also allowing this child's behavior and it is unacceptable.
What would the police do?
What would the police do? There is no proof besides word of mouth and SD admitting to certain things. Trust me if I caught her with drugs the police would be called.
If you catch her drunk and
If you catch her drunk and she's underage which I'm guessing she is you can have the cops do a Breathalyzer.
If you know she's left the house without permission call the cops. If you know there's a boy in your home you didn't approve of call the cops.
I have not caught her in the
I have not caught her in the act. Pictures were sent to us of her smoking pot, drinking etc. We don't live in a big town so word travels quickly. She thinks just b/c she posts things on her private twitter, snapchat or insta we won't find out about it, but she's wrong. She posts about these things and then word gets back to us. When confronted she admits it.
If your DH isn't going to do
If your DH isn't going to do anything about it, why bother. Even if BM punishes SD, SD will continue to do those things at your house. I wouldn't start a fight with DH to basically get nothing done. You'll probably end up with the SD full time if BM finds out and punishes her and SD retaliates by living with Disney dad full-time.
Good call moving_on_again. I
Good call moving_on_again. I have no desire for SD to live in my house full time.
I've been on DH for years to
I've been on DH for years to punish his daughter and he won't. I know HE is most of the problem & yes the BM does the right thing (most of the time and I credit her). He's so afraid to lose her that he just wants to be her best friend instead of a father.
Start calling him Grandpa and
Start calling him Grandpa and remind him weekly to set some money aside for bail.
Or tell him how unattractive it is for a man to be too afraid to do the right thing.
THIS!! Also, OP, are the
THIS!!
Also, OP, are the drugs/boy sneaking in/etc taking place at YOUR house? If so, time to open up your mouth.
If not, you need to get your DH to do the right thing.
Our bedrooms are on the
Our bedrooms are on the second floor of our home so they are not able to sneak in the windows at our home. I have resorted to adding an alarm system to our home.
As far as the drugs there was a photo that surfaced of her smoking pot. Kids (well at least her and her friends do) think it's cute to post pictures of themselves drinking, smoking pot etc on twitter and snapchat. What they fail to realize even if their stuff is private people can see it and not everyone on their friends list is truly their "friend". Drugs have never been found in our home so I can't say that she is doing drugs in our home.
She is RARELY ever home so
She is RARELY ever home so it's happening at other's houses and as I said earlier our bedrooms are on the 2nd floor so she can't be sneaking boys into her bedroom window at our house. I have put an alarm system on our house to prevent anyone sneaking in/out. It's pretty sad I had to resort to that to protect my house from SD.
We haven't seen much of her this summer & I am 100% fine with it. The fact that I've seen pictures and heard about the boys in the window through someone (and when confronted SD admitted)
OMG...I thought I had
OMG...I thought I had problems but I think it's about time your DH mans up and gets to sorting this out for everyone's sake
Tell your husband he is
Tell your husband he is sexually un-attractive because of how little he does to parent his kid. He's literally letting his daughter be the town pothead whore (maybe an over exaggeration but it might get him motivated). Tell him there's nothing wrong with experimenting but its time to reel her in. Also he might not being doing anything because he doesn't know what to do. Start sending him links and articles on uncontrollable teenagers and how to deal with them effectively.
Thank you Maxwell09, good
Thank you Maxwell09, good advice.
Are you sure that BM doesn't
Are you sure that BM doesn't know what's going on?
It's hard to imagine that in a small town where everyone talks, DH knows what she's doing but BM is blind to it all.
Maxwell09 is right about telling DH what his daughter is becoming. I'm sure growing up there was some girl in town who had a terrible reputation (deserved or not, that's another conversation). Ask him if he's comfortable with HIS daughter being THAT girl.
simply stay out of it, not
simply stay out of it, not your kid and not your problem...
you can make it very very clear to DH now... if SD should get pregnant she's not moving in, she decided to be an adult thus she will have to be an adult then .. DH will not support her financially and not allow her to move in, she can struggle with a baby or simply allow adoption and he will loose a grand child, but he will not raise that grand child.
That's all you can do..... working on it now to make sure she does not move in with a snot nose baby.
And OP - BM knows... BM can also see her snap chat and twitter accounts... she's just waiting for SD to get into trouble and then she can blame DH
I think getting the police
I think getting the police involved is a very bad idea! You would anger DH and BM.It's great to see you are concerned enough for someone else's child. Most would say leave it up to the main parents.
If I were in your shoes I think I would speak to DH first tell him to speak to her and enforce some rules or punishments.As to what I don't know sorry :/
If not then I would speak to SD myself about it . Or I would tell my DH that Id speak to BM if he doesn't do anything about it so he's warned and your not going behind his back.
I'd speak to SD, if she's sneaking them in then maybe a talk where you agree she can have a guy round under your supervision is best rather than hiding as she's 16 now. Same with drinking. But punishments do need to be enforced in order to be respected with the new rules