Believing the Lies
How can DH be so smart yet continue to fall for the lies? SD17 spews nothing but lies. I don't think that she knows how to tell the truth anymore. Is it only my DH that is so gullible that believes these lies? Does he know that she is lying but just doesn't want to believe it? Even when I bring him the truth I don't think he believes she is lying. I don't know how much more I can take of the lying.
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there's nothing you can do
there's nothing you can do about it, it will never change, either you accept it and keep quiet and let her crash and burn (which may be never)
or you simply decide to walk away.. belief me I tried for 14 years...
For example....why does my
For example....why does my car smell like smoke after allowing you to drive? Oh my BF was smoking outside of the car and the smell must have gotten into the car somehow or maybe a cigarette butt was stuck to the bottom of one of our shoes. DH....Oh ok that makes sense. Really does it? Or why did you come sleep at our house while it was your time to be with your mom and we were out of town? Oh I wanted to take a nap and I felt like sleeping in my bed at your house instead of my bed at mom's house. Really?
stop allowing her to drive
stop allowing her to drive your car... it's that easy, she can drive her Dad's car or take public transport.
Your rule is no smoking in the car, car smells of smoke, then no more driving my car..
if you don't want her at your house when you are not there, or DH for that matter, simply change the locks and she does not get a key... it's all things you can avoid worrying about and stressing about, what ever she tells her father will be between them...
She hasn't driven my car
She hasn't driven my car since that day. If I want to stay married to my husband, there is no way I can change the locks on his daughter. I don't want her at my house when I am not there b/c I don't trust her at all.
OMG! Those are great
OMG! Those are great attempts.
Lies *ROFL*
The problem is that there is
The problem is that there is very little possibility of you being able to convince him that his little girl is bad. In most cases, the Bioparent just sees every thing you point out as an attempt to convince them that they have a horrible child. It becomes a conflict between the SP and the BP. There really isn't a way that you can point out these flaws and get the BP to see how terrible their child is.
You can respond when something is impacting you personally. You can provide your DH with a fact. Like, I found pot in SD's pockets when I was doing laundry or SD came in after curfew last night. But don't go beyond facts and let him decide what he is going to do with the information.
Pot has already been found
Pot has already been found along with a pipe but don't worry "it's not hers" Well why did she fail a drug test? She admitted she has been smoking pot since she was 14. Curfew? What's that? She doesn't have one. So many things affect me personally. There are pictures of her on social media every weekend drinking. And this has been going on since about 15 years old. There was actually a picture of her and her friends in a car, her behind the wheel and each one of them had a beer in their hand. Oh but don't worry she wasn't drinking and driving, she was parked when they took the picture. How did she get home you ask? Good question! He didn't think it was necessary to ask that question. She's already been arrested once, who bailed her out? We did. Who's going to bail her out when she gets a DUI? What's going to happen when she "accidentally" gets pregnant by this asshole of a boyfriend? Who's going to raise her kid? Chances are my husband which means me as well.
This was my SD20. She
This was my SD20. She lied/lies about everything. One time when she was 15, one of my wine coolers went missing, so I truly thought it was DH and asked him why he was drinking my girlie drinks? He said oh it was SD15, she asked if she could have one and he told her yes. I was like huh??? and DH said oh it wasn't a big deal and "SD has no interest in drinking" Which of course was hilarious to me, because if you have "no interest" in drinking, why ask to have a wine cooler? :? whatever, I dropped it because at that point I was disengaged. Well, approximately 1 year later, phone rings at 4 a.m. and it's the state police telling DH he needs to come and pick up a drunker than a skunk SD from an underage drinking party that they busted. FIRST words out of my mouth, when DH told me where he was going were "I thought she had no interest in drinking?" of course he didn't like that, but oh well.
Then there was the time that I questioned her hanging out with a boy or something and DH exact words were "Oh, she said she has no interest in boys!" I laughed my ass off. really??? Cause I remember being a 15 year old and I certainly had interest in boys.. but again, whatever, not my monkey. Came to light a couple years later when Aunt J took her to get birth control that SD had been having sex since she was 14... and yep, first words out of my mouth were "hmmm thought she had no interest in boys?"
There have been approximately 1000 other instances where she has been caught in a lie and probably 10,0000 more lies that she has NOT been caught in. I agree, it really is annoying and gets real old real fast. Over the past few years, DH has FINALLY realized that you can't believe a word SD says. But it really had to be HIM figuring that our for himself by HER actions, because the only thing me pointing out the obvious did, was make me the bad SM who just didn't like his kid.
I don't think it's ever going
I don't think it's ever going to change. Your DH might feel guilty about divorce and she will always be her little girl. You can choose to disengage and not be responsible for any of her shit. But that creates a wedge in your marriage. Sorry you're going through this.