My dh and I pretty much work together as a great team with SD11. We usually tackle issues with her together. We have definate boundries. He is the punisher and the ultimatly what he says goes, but he includes me in a way that she knows that I am included because I am also "raising her" and that I love her and want what is best for her.
BUT. . . there are times that SD11 has done something wrong and DH and I are discussing it, and I say something negative about her that all of a sudden I am no longer the concerned "other parent" I am the third party pointing fingers at her. For instance, if I were to say that I don't think that she is telling us the whole story about something, all of a sudden she is a liar and I think that she is just an awful person. It's like he forgets that I love her too and that I am assisting in raising her. I feel like if I point out any sort of negative thing about her, he thinks I am personally attacking her. So I get frustrated and back off. I tell him to handle it and stop asking me what I think about things if I am not allowed to say certain things. And, then the next time he needs me we go back to the "team parenting."

Does anybody else feel that way? Like your DH wants you to get along with SD and love her and care for her, but you can't point out anything that she may have done wrong or else you are an outsider and all of a sudden you don't care as much? Just curious to hear that I am not alone.