Can you believe that she is that age and has never grown up? She's bipolar, but I really think her behavior should not be excused by her mental illness. My own father is bipolar and he is hardworking and sensible, she just hates to not get her way and her parents didn't nip it in the bud when she was a toddler!

Thanks for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers. I'm counting down the next 6 1/2 years till SD turns 18!

Oh and speaking of SD, I was so dismayed to hear that she took responsibility for her mother's misbehavior in several instances during this appointment last night. When the issue came up of BM not keeping my fiance up to speed on SD's well being, SD piped up that it was her fault that she didn't call often enough, that she was so busy and she was sorry. When the issue came up of BM putting SD in the middle of adult situations like the divorce, finances, custody, visitation, etc, SD said that it was her fault because she pressed her mother for the information. This poor child is so protective of her sick-o mommy. It makes me so sad.

I know! The therapists take her lies as sermon. She can turn on the tears and they believe everything out of her mouth, even when she can't back it up because it's a bunch of baloney!

I had so much faith that the therapists would see her for what she is and things would finally get better because during my SD's time at the clinic, the psychiatrists all saw through BM in the first 5 minutes of meeting her. They were the ones who ordered Family Based Therapy, the purpose of which was to get BM to change her ways since they saw her as the reason that SD is sick. Suddenly it's turned into Dad-bashing instead of working toward the original goal! I don't get it!

This is why I really want to have a conversation with the psych team at the clinic so they can set these new therapists straight.

BM even has a theater background, so that must contribute to her amazing acting skills.

I needed that.

To answer your questions (and no you're not asking for too much info, but thanks for asking!) the therapy is not court ordered, but ordered by the outpatient psychiatric clinic where SD went for 12 days following her suicide attempts. No, no, no, no, NO it does not have to be at BM's house and it really shouldn't be at BM's house, it was only done that way because of her insistance. (And as we know, the squeaky wheel gets the oil!) We were told at the clinic that Family Based Therapy would come into BOTH homes to evaluate and observe and eventually correct inappropriate behavior, ie. BM putting SD in the middle of adult conflict, BM bashing our side of the family, BM using SD as her therapist/confidante/best friend instead of being her parent, etc. We were told specifically by the psychiatrists at the clinic that the ultimate goal of FBT was to get BM to see the error of her ways and change her behavior. If/when that didn't happen at the end of the 9-month treatment, they would recommend a change in custody to the courts. They asked if we were prepared to have SD come live with us full-time because they weren't too hopeful about BM, and we said ABSOLUTELY. This is why I was so utterly disappointed at how things were going because I had such high hopes that the therapists saw BM's true colors.

As for their "decision" for our appointment tonight, they called at 6:30 last night to confirm that they're coming and to ask directions. There was no mention of "we discussed it and decided to keep the appointment..." just "we'll be there at 6:30 and where do you live?" so I have the distinct feeling that I got my panties into a bunch over nothing. I believe that they only said that to BM to move on in the session instead of sitting there listening to her nonsensical blubbering over why they shouldn't meet me.

I am very relieved that I won't be excluded. I am very much looking forward to tonight.

And if you read my post above, you'll see that this morning I am not as fired up as I was. I have a feeling that I blew it out of proportion because I was just so afraid of BM succeeding at shutting me out. Thanks for the reminder to be positive and patient. It WILL all come out in the wash.

As usual, you have a very sound perspective in all this. Tonight when we meet with the therapists, I will simply ask them their reasoning for meeting both parents at BM's. If I like their answer, I will leave it at that. If not, I will ask them to meet in a neutral place or have me come too because giving in to BM's delusions that I don't exist in all this is not healthy for anyone and it is certainly not in SD's best interests to continue giving in to her mother and allowing her to all-out attack her dad in her home.

I have a feeling that they will not agree to a neutral territory because it is Family (ie Home) Based Therapy, after all. We'll see. Interestingly, SD's private psychiatrist whom she's been seeing for the past year or so decided very early on (after just one session with both parents) to never again have a co-session because it was not constructive nor productive to sit there and listen to BM cry and bash BF and play the victim and hash out her own issues instead of focusing on working together for SD. I wonder if these guys will come to the same conclusion. It's so hard because they really really want to help BM and BF learn to co-parent and they can't do that if they never meet together. I wish we could just inject BM with something to make her cooperative!

You're so right. The therapists do need to be impartial. It's just so hard to remember that when there is so clearly a right and a wrong side, a sane and a crazy side, a reasonable and an unreasonable side, a rational and an irrational side, a selfless and a selfish side - shall I go on?

I do feel much better today knowing that the therapists are not giving in to BM's antics by excluding me from SD's family therapy. That's what was most upsetting to me.

Thanks for the reminder, SoFrustrated!