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today my feelings are kicking in.... and all that anger I always put aside is rearing it's ugly head

buterfly_2011's picture

Submitted by buterfly_2011 on Thu, 09/06/2012 - 3:48pm

I guess I just feel like my ENTIRE life is now consumed with BM's. I have emotionally accepted SS3 into my life and it's killing me thinking that he could be being treated badly by his SD and there is little we can do about it. We are in the right direction but this is a slow process. He isn't a drug user... and he isn't beating him.... (that we know of we only see him every 6 weeks) he yells alot and is severely controlling. To the point of he makes the calls. He makes the choices. And now that she has been served he is up in arms over it. Which leaves me wondering what is going to happen to SS3 AND now that he and BM have their "own" little boy (she had ANOTHER baby) will SS3 treatment get worse?
Do you see where I am going with this? This is consuming me. This little boy and how unfair this all is. And I can't do anything......

And BM #1....... there are no words for her. I am beyond words. Just makes me sick to my stomach. She is evil. And I must let DH deal with that. Although hard but I'm working on it.

And my own personal life. Or should I say lack there of? Of course DH hasn't said anything about getting married since that day he sat me down and said lets get married in january. Which I knew wasn't going to happen. I guess I am sad over always putting everything to the side because BM's are always ALWAYS front and center with drama.

Just tired today.

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buterfly_2011's picture

Submitted by buterfly_2011 on Fri, 09/07/2012 - 10:46am

I called the engagement off a long long time ago....... THEN he sat me down a few months ago and said I want to get married in January... I didn't say yes. I just sat there. Because I know it won't happen. I gave up on that TWO august's ago.... when our wedding date came and went without him even saying a word. I come on here to vent because it's the only safe place I feel I can express my feelings without backlash.....

I am angry. I am bitter. I am upset. I am PIST OFF. Being 3rd, or 4th or even 5th isn't how I visioned things. I don't know what our future holds. And shame on me for being hopeful. It's hard not to be. He is the first man I have ever been with who DESPITE the Baby Mama drama is a good man. And at times yes a good swift kick to his balls would BE GREAT! UGH!