they are MY brothers...... why wasn't I invited.... (SD17 and her bullshit drama)
So after last thursday and all the drama with SD and BM... my SO has been on edge. It's been a long weekend. I feel like he kinda took his anger out on me regarding the mean calls and the texts from them. I decided to go out with the girls on FRIDAY!! Yep my ONLY night for sex and I chose to go with the girls. We went to see Magic Mike :jawdrop:
I asked him if he cared. He said no. But when I got home he had gone to bed and didn't much speak to me on Saturday when we all loaded up to go camp for the night. Long long weekend. I feel like everything my son and I did pissed him off. He pretty much ignored me most of saturday and even though it was pouring down rain he stayed outside the camper. It was a long long weekend. I did mention to him that he was being cranky and short with me. And I didn't really understand what we had done to warrant that attitude. He said sorry but didn't change his attitude. I'm sure he has a lot going on in his head. WE have wolves at our door on everything. Seems like as soon as we close the door with one thing another one opens with more. I can see he is struggling. And I am understanding to that. But picking at me for crap that is just stupid isn't going to fly. It was just a bad weekend. His boys didn't get along with my son and his friend. Which you can't expect them to always get along. It just won't happen all the time.
We got home yesterday and he took SS14 to camp and I took my son to the local waterhole with a bunch of his friends for his birthday. I could see that irritated him as well. I just could not do anything right this weekend. THEN SD called. SS11 told her where we went this weekend so she called SO to yell about why wasn't she invited to spend time with HER BROTHERS. They are HER BROTHERS. Why was she not invited to attend the overnight. Well if you remember correctly he told her LAST week she was making her own choice to not want to try with me. And well why would we ask her to go when it was something that was to be fun for the family. She said well I would have said hi to her and we would have gone our separate ways for the weekend. UM HOW DO YOU FIGURE???? We are camping. There is only six of us there. How would we go our separate ways? She meant I could go somewhere else and she could be with her daddy and HER BROTHERS. Well that's not how it works. We do things as a family. We eat together. We go riding together. We laugh together (lol not this weekend I guess) and we have fun. She is unwilling to participate in any of that as long as I am around so how could she have come with us???? It would have been a bigger nightmare. Her up in SO face and then there are the boys. They all know what her attitude is. It just would have set a bad tone for the entire weekend (that being said if the weekend was a good one). I just can't get over her those are MY BROTHERS. And I should have been invited to be with MY BROTHERS. Implying that those boys are nothing to me and my son. That it's HER family.
SO birthday is this wednesday he is hinting around about how I can go pick up my brother from the airport alone and spend the day with my family and he will ask SD to come to his mom's and they can have family breakfast. Isn't this defeating what we are TRYING to show her???? That we aren't catering to her BS? I just feel that if we are going to show her we are serious then we are not doing any of this is my family that's yours and we will see you later at home. It's his birthday and the 4th of july. I am sorry but this is just bullshit. I'm not saying he can't go pick up his daughter and spend time with her. But we decided as a couple that we aren't playing into the games she is playing. And I strongly feel that by sending me off over here and he goes there for the day that's showing her she wins. My brother is coming to visit he hasn't been here in 6 years. I am not going to spend the 5 days with my brother having issues because that little bitch is acting like she is 2.
Any ideas on what I should do for the 4th? Do I just pick up my brother and hang out with all of my family and let it go. Or do I stand my ground and say NO. If we are having family breakfast I'm coming with brother in tow so his family can meet my brother? I just don't know what to do here.
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I feel for you in this
I feel for you in this situation because it was not that long ago that we (dh and I) had agreed as a couple as well SD16's counselor during a session of just he and I.
Dh listened to the counselor, agreed with the counselor, agreed with me, talked the whole way home about every issue he has with his child and this family that needs to be corrected.
It worked for two weeks.
I really do think they agree to everything we say (or in this case what a licensed professional has said) so that they dont have to continue to have the conversation and it shuts is the hell up.....for the time being...with the time being, being the magic phrase.
Id ignore the hell out of him on his birthday, I wouldnt even acknowledge it.
I have gotten to the point with DH now that I refer to his daughter as his girlfriend, little women, ball and chain and occasionally his wife. In this case I would probably kiss him good bye in the AM as I left and tell him to have a wonderful time with his "girlfriend".
I am unmerciful at this point because Im tired of this shit
You and SO are not married
You and SO are not married but do you hold yourselves out like a married couple? Are you trying to meld families (outside of skid) to the intent that your relationship is progressing toward marriage? I'm trying to gauge if SO's family is interested in having their son's live-in GF's brother at their family breakfast.
Ugh, idk. You and SO do not seem to be on the same page of showing family/couple unity. SO is avoiding out right telling you to not come to his family's breakfast but it seems that is what he means.
If your brother is coming to visit his family, does he really want to spend time with your SO's family on a holiday? Will it be strained and awkward because of the SD issue?
What if SO goes to his family breakfast, celebrates his birthday over breakfast, then comes to your family to spend the rest of the day? Minus SD.
His family has embraced me as
His family has embraced me as their daughter. His parents have welcomed me, my kids and my family. There are times when they have actually asked me and SO to come for dinner and stay in the guest bedroom. On New Years Eve my brothers kids came to share the holiday from Cali. And SO family embraced them for the holiday of that and Christmas.
Are we working towards marriage... lol if you read my other blogs you will see what happened there. It's not pretty :jawdrop:
My brother is coming to visit me. There is a long story behind my brother and I. He was adopted. He found me when I was in my 20's and he and I have a relationship. This isn't about him coming to visit "his family" because that is kinda a touchy subject. He is coming down to spend the time with me and my kids etc.
Every single thing that includes stepdaughter is strained. It's awkward. It's uncomfortable every where we go and she is there. At SO brothers, mothers really anywhere it's awful.
The bad thing about SO and SD spending the morning having family breakfast without me is that there is never a " we can see both families in one day." My SO doesn't get that it's possible to spend equal time with both our families. This has been a struggle for some time now. Like on Thankgiving we went to his mom's. Then I left at 2 to go to my families but he didn't come. This is how it's always been. And he uses SD as the excuse. I don't want to bring her. She will disrupt everything and be an ass and ruin everyone's plans. So therefore we are now almost two years into our relationship and yet to "share" a birthday or holiday with BOTH families. Frankly that is pissing me off.
I am all for him going to his families for breakfast. I guess my issue is we made a HUGE stink about SD and her bullshit about not wanting to try and him standing his ground about accept her or this is the way it will be. I feel by giving into her demands about me not being around that day is showing her that yep as usual she can throw a bitch fit and get what she wants.
I think whatwasithinkin you have it right. Kiss him goodbye when I leave to get my brother and tell him to have a good birthday...... And I actually am at that point. I have been for some time now. I have no issues just going to get my brother and doing out own thing on Wednesday. I guess it was just the principle of it. We made a pact as a couple to show SD that we mean what we say. I feel he is going back on that...... him going to go grab her to take her to lunch is fine. Or them doing something is fine. It's when it's a holiday or a family event that excluding me is irritating the shit out of me.