Thank you! I'm glad I did find this site, I was reading so many blogs last night from here that I could have sworn I had written them all. You are right..I am blamed for EVERYTHING. On her weeks, she gets mad if I don't do the girl's homework with them before she picks them up. I finally got irritated one night after she called yelling at me over it and I told her that they are your kids not mine, and this is your week with them so its not my responsibility to do the HW with them. Needless to say the following Monday on our week the 8yro came home with a note saying she had lost recess because no HW was done the following week..I just looked at my husband and said "SERIOUSLY?!?! She is that stinking lazy that she cant even do HW with the girls." His response was to the extent of "Shes a lazy b****" I am slowly realizing that no matter what I do there is no silver lining. DH has said that after his surgery and he gets back to work we are moving. We live in Ohio now and where we live we have absolutely no jobs and even with my two college degrees there is nothing available..so weve been job hunting in TN which means...I WONT HAVE TO SEE THE GIRLS VERY OFTEN!!!! I think that's a lot of the problem..they are just here SO much..and I feel as though my son is losing out on things because of his step-sisters. I'm just at my wits end with everything.

You are exactly right on everything. The step-daughters were at school when I had my break down and told my husband that I just don't love them. In my husband's family..there is no such thing as a "step-kid" they are "your" children now. I do have two biological children of my own. My oldest daughter is 14 and she goes back and forth between our home and my ex husbands home. My husband has taken her in as his own, I've never asked him to though, that's the thing. I would honestly be ok if he didn't think of her as a daughter, all I ask is that he respects her and respects the fact that she is my daughter and that's that. We have a son together and he is 4 and he just goes with the flow of everything. Yes I have to deal with the BM, on a daily basis. I do feel resented by my mother in law..I've never felt like part of the family here..mainly because the BM is still prevalent in every thing. My inlaws are our neighbors..and the BM is over there EVERY SINGLE DAY..they share meals together, they go shopping together, and the MIL always uses her "Christianity" as an excuse as to why she can't turn her away. That causes a lot of issues between MIL and DH. He can't stand his ex, and he is my ally in everything..he has no problem arguing things out with BM over me and the girls..but the thing is I'm just tired of all the fighting. As for disengaging, I've already became more hands off with the girls over this past year. DH and I were the only ones who would attend their parent teacher conferences, we would be the ones to handle their sports, we would be the ones to handle any and all doctor issues. I haven't been to one single conference this year, I haven't been to a sporting practice nor have I went to a doctor appointment since September. When DH is home he makes the girls respect me, but the issue is when DH isn't home they turn into sniveling evil creatures..granted sometimes they have their nice moments but those are few and far between. I just keep thinking 10 more years, then I think to myself can I really last another 10yrs?

Its not my idea that I have to love these kids like they are my own. I'm fine with the role of being a friend to them, that when they get older they can come to me for advice and things like that. It his DH notion and his family's notion that I HAVE to love them as my own. That is just not feasible. You are right I am breaking from the pressue of being too involved, but if I'm not involved I feel like I'm showing the girls that I don't care which adds fuel to their fire. There has been times that DH has whipped them over their actions and even though I cant show it, but inside I'm smiling over it..and omg even just admitting that makes me feel like a monster.

Thank you!!!! I've disengaged majorly since September. I used to go to all the parent teacher conferences(BM always had dates to go on or some other excuse)let me also say that BM lives less than a mile from us, moving is in the cards..like to another state! However I do know for a fact that the girls are desperate for their moms attention, they never get to see her. On her time with them she will dump them at her brothers house or her friends house so she can go out and enjoy her free time with them. As for dinners, each child has a favorite dinner and I try to incorporate that into our weekly menu. The girls don't take up a spot in my daycare because they are over the age range to take up a spot for me. Me keeping the girls the way I do helps us save money because we have them over 50% of the time which means DH doesn't have to pay her child support. The bruise wasn't even a bruise..it was from where her jeans were tight and she was playing with water guns outside and the jeans left an indention. I agree the DH needs to take more responsibility in taking care of the girls when they are here with us. I just feel overwhelmed and not appreciated one bit by the kids.

I've tried that, and I've told her to find someone else to watch the kids on her time. That results in her getting mad, and taking the girls and not letting my husband see his daughters for up to a month. As I said in my original post, the oldest SD isn't my husbands, so the mom uses her as a way to get at my husband..it used to work but it doesn't anymore but I can see the pain on his face when she takes the kids away from him for an extended time. I try to be strong and remember that I only have 10 more years but anymore that 10yrs is feeling like an eternity.