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I don't complain about my EXH much...

BSgoinon's picture

Submitted by BSgoinon on Wed, 06/08/2016 - 10:33am

And most women would. But I think because BM is SUUUCCHHH a piece of crap, that it minimizing the crap he pulls so it doesn't get to me as quickly.

EXH is a good and loving dad. We were TERRIBLE together. Knew exactly how to push each others buttons. We dated for 2 years before we married. Were married for 2 years before we had our 2 girls. And divorced when our youngest was 1 year old. We get along. I don't collect child support. Our divorce paperwork, including custody order is 3 pages long. It was easy and neither of us has ever contested anything. Custody literally says "50/50 whatever is reasonable and convenient for both parties". WE have stuck to the same schedule for 12 years. Never an issue. We rotate holidays with ease. We divorced because he was a lazy parent. Left all the work to me, because he was terrible with money, because he drank too much, and was an angry drunk, and we just fought... all of the time. Before our divorce was on paper, I made him go to anger management and have supervised visits with his mom until he got his drinking under control. Took about 8 months before he had regular times with the girls. But he would come to the house and see them several times a week with his mom. It worked.

Lately, I feel like he is falling back in to the rut he was in when I left him. He has gained a lot of weight, the girls talk about beer cans all of the house. His house is a DISASTER. And... to top it all off, he got in an accident 5 years ago and didn't have insurance (bad with money).. it just now caught up with him and his license is suspended. So, now pretty much all of the responsibility of parenting is on me. I have to take them everywhere they need to be, make sure they get to school, softball practice, games.. which most of the time is fine. But it sure would be nice if he took on A LITTLE bit of something and helped. I get so overwhelmed with working, DH being gone all of the time. And being essentially a "single parent" to THREE very active kids. I get burnt out.

I wish he would just take care of his crap and get his license back.

Comments

BSgoinon's picture

Submitted by BSgoinon on Wed, 06/08/2016 - 10:55am

What really got to me the other day was when my BD14 asked if she could stay home rather than go to his house, I told her it was up to him. She said "he isn't even home he is at his friends daughters softball game". He hasn't been to ANY of BD14's games this year. Not one. But he can go to his friends kids game. I could see the heartbreak in her eyes. He is losing those girls. And there isn't anything I can do to help them.

BSgoinon's picture

Submitted by BSgoinon on Wed, 06/08/2016 - 11:09am

Yeah, she did. He said he didn't care if she stayed with me. His mom lives with them, and she is against using the air conditioner because she doesn't want to pay for it. So their house gets really hot. He uses that as an excuse lately too. "Better if you stay with your mom, my house is hot". We do live in the desert and it gets up to 100+ degrees, but... come on, turn on the air so you can spend time with your kids. I would have rather him have disappeared when they were little so they didn't know any different. Than for him to be a great dad all of their life and then turn on them when they hit their teenage years.

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Wed, 06/08/2016 - 12:29pm

Story of my life... been doing this song and dance since BS was born but even more so once we split up. It's exhausting mentally and physically at times. Hope things look up for you and the kids and even your Ex.

BSgoinon's picture

Submitted by BSgoinon on Wed, 06/08/2016 - 12:33pm

I hope so too. Those girls love their dad. He needs to be an active part of their life, like he always has been.

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Wed, 06/08/2016 - 12:36pm

Yeah Ex's involvment in BS's life has decreased over the years due to his own issues and mistakes. I know if he had his life together like a normal person he would do more for BS. That is why I help Ex out with getting BS to him and picking him up from Ex and what not. I just do everything else (schools, sports, doctor, appointments, etc) and dont even complain to Ex about it. I just want to make BS happy and things easy for him to see his dad.

(((HUGS)))

BSgoinon's picture

Submitted by BSgoinon on Wed, 06/08/2016 - 1:34pm

Zero, that has been my approach so far. I accommodate what the girls want and drive them to his house. It's just getting fewer and farther between that they want to go over there. They will opt to stay with me if there is any kind of an excuse to do so. I hate to see them drifting apart like this.

He needs a wife. He hasn't had a steady long term relationship since we split up. That's 12 years!! That's a long time.

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Wed, 06/08/2016 - 2:33pm

Ha Ha- Ex is the same way. No girlfriend and we have been split up for 6 years.

Sometimes I have to have a Come to Jesus talk with my Ex. Not very often but I have. We get along and are cordial, so for us it works. But I basically tell him, the crap he is doing/isn't doing is affecting BS and that isn't cool. I definitely go out of my way to sugar coat it with him, even though he doesn't deserve it. But it does usually help, even if it's just a little bit.