Well they haven't even talked for over 5 months. But before that what we did was if she asked either one of us to do anything, we would tell her we will talk to each other & get back to her bc in the past she was always working an angle with us both & would lie & say the other said this is what we are doing.

The history is pretty extreme that's lead us to this place. An early blog yesterday would give some insight. ("Not. A. One.") The past four years have been odd. MIL is a hoarder, steals from our trash, tells kids I don't care about memories made before me when I threw away a broken & old clear shower curtain liner & tried to evoke emotion in the step kids over this (weird I know) also wants the be the decision maker with my husband bc "she has known he & kids longer" asks me invasive & inappropriate questions like "are you satisfying my son sexually?" calls 14 times in an hour and half (that was not uncommon for the first two years) & when you call back, she just wanted to know if we were coming by on the way home from town, cause she's home?!?! She's analyzed photos of ours, measuring how physically close we are to each child in the picture & told family members about her theory on her "findings" etc. etc. the list is endless. Early this year we sat with DH & his parents to discuss all that's happened & create some boundaries because we could see the breakdown in communication & desire to be around her happening. Simple boundaries. Nothing massive. Boundaries you don't have to establish with most people. She's never been able to respect them. It's just been push push push. The final thing was she directly told my SD7, after MIL asked me (I was only parent there) if she could do an extended activity (asked me in text, on phone & in person 2x) all times I said no. When I got text I called DH and he said no. (MIL had already been asking him via text. He had already said no) so in front of step daughter, when I said no for the 4th time her reply was "SD do you want to? Well I want you to also. SM doesn't want you to. She is not your parent. Your dad is. So when he gets here you need to tell him you want to. He is the one you need to ask, not SM." This created many issues for SD7. It took months (on eow rotation) to undo this. It came out that MIL had been telling her this for some time. Even bio mom made a passing comment about things that were coming from SD saying MIL said being odd. So MIL was told by DH that we will not be getting together until we talk. That was in July. She will not meet to talk. She only wants to push push push to pretend nothing happened & have kids around so nothing can be said. DH talks to FIL. Before we were married DH didn't see his mom a lot. FIL more. (They are married) but do a lot separate. When I came along it's been an obsession. She says when DH & bio mom was married bio mom & her mom made decisions & her son had to go along or there was hell to pay. She says she doesn't understand why DH & her can make the decisions & I go along, like he use to. Clearly we are not dealing with well thinking. So that's the history. That's why the pressure when we have the kids. DH is not backing down. I ask him to talk to her, to just show up & be done, but he won't. I've all but dialed the phone & handed it to him. He says he's done & pretends she lives 500 miles away & he's enjoyed the break. Now I'm sure they will talk before Christmas, but I was sure they would before thanksgiving... & in October &. August.. & so on. Who knows. I'm just trying to encourage him & not force him to do what he doesn't want to.

Thank you. Yes at first I was pushing for DH to resolve things, in the past 2 months I have backed off a lot. It needs to be his choice. It's his relationship. I have not heard of that book. I've just been looking online & YouTube stuff on boundaries. I'll check that out.