How often is too often to talk to the ex

My husband and BM talk to each other on the phone everyday only when they are at work away from their significant others. And since my husband is on my phone bill, I can see when they call and text and he will still erases texts and calls off of his phone and lies about it, umm hello I can see it and he knows it. Which if I question him about it and he actually acknowledges it, he will say he doesn't tell me b/c I gripe about it...well that is true but she has written in her journal she still has feelings for him and her kids saw it and asked MIL if they were getting back together. Which I totally don't get considering she is remarried. I don't know am I frustrated over nothing?? Is this normal and I'm freaking out over nothing?

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My fiance used to do that

My fiance used to do that too. Until I told him he would stop having "private" conversations with her. I hold my little 5 minute conversations with my ex like once a month with fiance right in the room and he can do the same thing. IF she has something to talk about about the kids, then he can do it right there in our home. Generally however she wants to ask him advice on this or that (usually her custody case with her new son) and it drives me nuts. Luckily fiance says although he doesn't see a problem with him being "nice" to a "dumb animal" he can tell it bothers me and he abides by that for me. He has our cell phone bill with a password that I can use and check if I feel like I must, but I trust him and don't bother.

I wouldn't neccesarily call it normal however, I am sure that most people don't talk to their exes very much. I almost never talk to mine, and only if it is child related. The fact that he tries to hide it and lies about it however is a red flag. My fiance never hid it or lied about it and gave me a summary of the call or text when he got home for the day.

No NO and no, I agree with

No NO and no, I agree with humber above. Nip it in the bud. I would have no patience or tolerance for the behind my back, sneaky conversations. You are definitely not freaking out over nothing This is something and you have every right to talk to him about stopping this and if he twists it inot something else, you know there's a problem. It is NOT you girl. I would be all bent out of shape if I were you. I had to stop bf from talking to his x I knew she wanted him back and he wouldn't let me talk to any of my x boyfriends, so I grabbed the phone while he was there and told her flat out stop calling him. Don't know if it will work for your situation, but it felt pretty good to me.

This is not normal. If he

This is not normal. If he is willing to sneak conversations with her behind your back, what else is he willing to do. I'm not trying to freak you out, but you need to put a stop to this. It is very disrespectful to both of their marriages! Not only is he sending the wrong message to his kids, he's also sending her the wrong message and hurting you in the process.

Tell him exactly how you feel, calmly - but very honest.

I didn't think it was

I didn't think it was appropriate but I thought maybe I was overacting, but since other people agree I know that I am not. But whenever I bring it up he just yells at me and tells me to leave if I don't like it(that's his solution for every problem)and tells me I'm jealous of BM(which is not true at all, I mean she tries to act like shes 15). The worst thing is I'm pretty sure they talk about me and then she goes and tells the kids, so it makes it even harder for us to have a relationship. I just don't know how to get him to get the point, I've been complaining for years now....and I know I would not be allowed to talk to any guys of the opposite sex, bc I had a friend from highschool call me which I didn't even talk to him b/c I wasn't there, and he freaked out, but somehow he doesn't recall that. I hate being last to her, maybe this isn't meant to be.

BTB, if it has been going on

BTB, if it has been going on for years and he gets super defensive about it, chances are it won't stop. You need to think and decide if this is something that you can handle or not.
I have a reason to believe based on what you have said that everytime you argue about this he tells her about it. Have you tried playing the role of indifference? Have you tried to just act like it doesn't bother you like it does? And see what happens from there?
I know that this must be agonizing for you. And why did you stop your high school friend from calling you? There is obviously no limit when it comes to BM, so why should you have limits?

Never would be too soon. I

Never would be too soon. I have not spoken with my XW since 1993 and do not intend to ever speak with the gold digging slut ever again. She ran off with a geriatric Fortune 500 Executive sugar daddy that she was giving sponge baths too during her post surgical rotation at Nursing school. (that I helped pay for).

We did not have kids together and once the house sold there is no reason for us to ever speak.

I do however speak with my former I-Ls periodically (MIL, FIL, SIL, BIL). They are all nice people and we got along well while I was supporting their slutt sister/daughter through college.

My Wife has spoken with my Skids SpermDad ~5x in 15+ years. However, SpermGrandMa calls far to often and usually instigates a major fight with her attempted manipulations and toothless moron bullshit.

My wife pretty much just bares SpermGrandMa's idiot ass and smacks her back under the rock she tries to crawl out from under periodically.

Best regards,

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)

I also think he tells her

I also think he tells her the details of our agruments, especially when it is about her or SD. It doesn't help that he would argue at the top of his lungs about BM in front of SD15 and she would go tell her mother everything. So I'm sure BM just loves to stick it to me since she obviously knows I don't appreciate it. I've acted indifferent at times and ignored it but it doesn't stop and eventually drives me crazy again. My friend from high school quit calling b/c I didn't return his calls or ever talk to him. I have been trying to figure out if I can stand it for the rest of my life but I really don't know, I'm really torn at this point I love him but I don't know if that's enough, I really don't like my worst enemy knowing everything about me and my life, it's none of her business. Good point about the limits, I almost wish I still talked to one of my exes just to show him what it's like, but then again I don't want anything to do with my exes......

Your darn right! It isn't

Your darn right! It isn't any of her business. You can only have a successful marriage if there are two people in the marriage. And if he is still talking with his ex then there are three people in that marriage.

I would leave and let her have him. If he is doing this to you, what makes her think she is so special. What does her husband say about it. You deserve better then that.

Sorry, but this really boils my blood. How can some men think they can treat us in that way. It stings and it hurts, and why would someone who tells you that he loves you want to hurt you. If you are having arguments about BM in front of stepdaughter, then that is just plain wrong. It sounds like he made his choice, and unfortunately it isn't you.

If I were you I would make the choice that is best for you. To find someone who will love you and who wants to be in a marriage with just you. If he loved you he wouldn't want to hurt you.

I honestly don't think her

I honestly don't think her husband knows about it, bc it's always when she is at work. I mean if he actaully has to ask her something about the SKs after work hours most the time she won't answer. But I have heard from SD15 that her husband cheats on her so I doubt he would care.

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~